


You save me

by Deandeanmoose



Series: written in the stars or in the sand? [2]
Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Budding Romance, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Military Family, Re-establishing relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-11 16:00:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 90,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13527708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deandeanmoose/pseuds/Deandeanmoose
Summary: Sonny and Saxon try to build back up to what use to be.





	1. Good morning beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Saxon's morning after and talks. A little date as well.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The next morning, I woke up next to sonny. His arm over me and his breath and beard tickling my beck. I let out a soft giggle, trying to slip away and was met with two arms squeezing me closer.

"Good morning beautiful.... How was your night?"

"Stop right there, if you say it I will punch you." I warned and was met with his obvious choice.

"Mine was wonderful with you by my side."

I punched his arm and tried to wiggle away, "oh God help me!"

He covered my mouth and kissed my cheek as he dragged me back under the warm blankets, "shhhhhhhh... God's right here remember?"

I rolled my eyes and he pulled me back for a kiss, pinning me under him as his hands never left my breast. He pulled back and smiled down at me, eyes dancing over my form.

"I can't believe your here... After all this time your in my bed again." He whispered.

"Imagine my surprise." I kissed his coarse beard, "sharing your tiny bed with your big ass."

"I thought you were the one with the ass." He smirked and tugged me to roll on his chest as he put his back on the bed again, "at least you love when I spank it."

I couldn't hid the pink on my cheeks, sonny was a master at making me blush. I never met anyone else that could do this to me. I stroked his beard lightly and kissed his chest, it felt like deja vu and I loved it. He stroked my back and hummed softly, mumbling on about some poisonous snake that was recently found in Virginia. It was always one of my favorite things listening to him ramble on about one of the many things he was scared of that was usually very rare to find animals.

He caressed my shoulder and drew my attention, "hey, what are your plans for the day?"

"Nothing besides having to do orders for the bar. Why?"

"Why don't we do something? You know, start this out slow." 

"Slow went out the window with that sex sonny." I chuckled, "couldn't really call it a date either, so I'm the slut that puts out without a date."

"I wouldn't call you a slut." He pushed hair from my face, "you were never even close to that."

I smiled at him, "ok so, first date. What do you want to do?"

"Our last first date was drinks and a small bar fight, soooooooo..." He was thinking of something to do so I had to cut in, "let's recreate that without the horrible damaging bar fight."

"Or that could be last night." He looked over my eyes carefully, "I can't tell you the last time I was at the beach."

"You who lives in Virginia Beach and is partly terrified of the ocean's animals want to take me to the beach?" I tried to hold a straight face as I felt his forehead, "are you feeling ok, maybe a little hot?"

"I am very damn hot for one, two you will get a better temp from below."

"Nope your fine," I laughed as he kissed me again, "but I wouldn't want to leave this bed."

He cocked a brow and pulled me closer by my butt, "oh?"

"Shouldn't we actually talk this out?" I tipped my head.

"When did we ever talk things out?" 

"Hopefully now... I really think this'll help." I waited till he nodded, "Do you want to start this off slow or jump right into it like we were before?"

"Sax, you know my work. You know I love it fast and dirty.... Why start over? Have we really change that much?" He cupped my cheek.

"Things are different now though..."

"Only if we make them." He sighed, "let's go back to right before the engagement. The comfortable relationship we have and work our way back up. You know moving in, seeing parents.... Just take it slow but with the sex."

I burst out laughing as he kissed me again, "ok... Do want the ring back?"

"No. I'll tell you when I want that." He stretched out as I held on so he wouldn't crush me.

"Ok godzilla, I didn't think it was possible for you to bulk up more there hulk."

He wrapped his arms around me, "so do we need to talk more or should we find something to do?"

"Why do you want to go to the beach so bad?" I frowned.

"Come with me and find out." He offered as I finally nodded.

He started to sit up, my muscle memory kicked in and my arms went around his neck. He smirked as I glared a little, he always did love sitting up really fast to make me hold him. Then he kissed me again, and I made that big mistake. One hand went to his hair and one to his back gripping a shoulder blade. He used the leverage to stand and press me to the wall.

"Good, you might want to get dressed." He let my legs slowly fall to touch the floor but pinned me a second for another kiss before walking away to his bathroom.

 _ **Oh god what am I getting myself into.**_ I closed my eyes but find my clothes from last night and my shirt had a massive stain down the front from the fun starting in his truck and moving inside.

"Shit, I need to get a different shirt." I started to turn it inside out before asking to stop by my place but was met with the toss of a shirt.

"I have a second shirt I could wear." I reminded him as I held up my plaid shirt that had escaped the dirt stain fate.

He took it from my hands and threw it in his dirty clothes, "no you don't, the smell is horrible since it made it to my workout clothes."

"Jerk." I shoved him before putting on his shirt that was practically a dress, "I can't wear this?"

"Sure you can." He smiled and tugged my Jean belt loops, "you won't have to wear it for long."

"Sex on the beach? Really sonny that's your big idea." I turned to face him.

"No I had something else planned but if you want that I think I can fit it in." He winked as he gave a small chuckle.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

Since it was sunny and warm, I pulled out my second helmet and handed it to sax. We took the motorcycle out, smiling as we hit the highway and she held tighter to me.

"Nothing beats the feel of a motorcycle." She said on her speaker.

"Hold on." I sped up and she was resting her head to my back as I slipped through some traffic to the beach access point.

I waited till she got off, then I slipped off and took her hand to lead her down. The beach was empty on this end, people weren't a fan of the small cliff and rocks that lined the water. No tourist, few military with family... And today it was all ours. I kicked off my shoes and turned around to look at the beautiful blonde behind me. My black Texas t-shirt she use to love was hanging off her and I waisted no time tugging it off her.

"I usually love you in my shirts but, I prefer you have clothes on when we drive back." I smirked as she wiggled out of her jeans too.

"Can I keep the underwear on or do you plan on skinny dipping during the day?"

I stripped off my shirt and pants, then I lifted her before she could guess or maybe she just wanted to play along since she didn't squirm to much. I brought her to the waters edge pass the rocks and pulled her down in with me. The ten foot drop allowed us to sit in the water a moment before going back up, or she did. I was up and waiting on her, she was a mermaid compared to me. She loved the water and swimming, she use to always drag me along with her. Some of my favorite moments was just watching her swim or float along in the water, teasing me as I refused to swim with her for long.

Her head broke for and she gasped for air, her hair flipping back, "maybe you have changed, you are in the water swimming."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her for a second, "and you haven't changed at all."

The moment was short lived as I heard my phone and knew the fate of this date. I sighed but got out, check-in it as she went back under before slowly climbing out.

"You have to go?" She walked up and wrung out her hair.

"Can I drop you somewhere?" I looked over and she frowned but nodded.

"The bar. I have some spare clothes there." She through on my shirt and slipped on her jeans before walking on and I was struggling to find my will to leave...  _ **This could've been perfect.**_

I looked back once more before putting on my clothes and helmet,  _ **I can't even give her a full date, how are we going to make it? Please just hold on, I promise I'm going to be here for you when the Navy let's me.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how short it was, and the really short date. Next chapter will be better.


	2. Words of encouragement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny talks talks with the team on the way back from an op.  
> Saxon has everyone over to the bar for drinks.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We had just boarded the flight to go home, a successful op. We we're all sitting around joking, and then Jason looked my way as the last bit of the group boarded. He handed me a beer and smiled.

"So sonny, how's Saxon?" He smiled and I looked down and shook my head before taking a sip, "come on, we know you took her home when you two were suppose to just talk."

"How do you know?" I looked around and the kid smirked.

"I was thirsty." Clay took a sip and I knew that I only had one thing to say.

"She enjoyed it, could barely walk the next morning." I turned to find my seat and everyone laughed.

 "So you two are....?" Ray circled his hands to show he was waiting for an answer.

I caved as I sat down, "are dating."

Everyone started the oh's and ah's as I rolled my eyes and fixed my hat, "taking it kinda slow. Just catching up on the last few years and getting us back to where we were."

Jason patted my shoulder, "good to hear."

"Speaking of which, she asked me to invite you guys to the bar. Drinks on her and bring the girls." I picked up my phone and looked over the texts.

"Drinks on her? I think we have to go then... Right?" Ray asked Jason and Jason nodded.

"She's going to get us drunk so we'll leave you alone." Trent smirked as everyone laughed.

"I'm in." Clay nodded, "i'm sure Stella will come."

"Alana might not, but I'm in." Jace sat down beside me.

"Count me in." Trent nodded, Brock raised his hand as a confirmation.

"Naima won't want to drink but she'll probably be happy with a few hours free of kids." Ray took his spot, "Davis?"

"Drinks on her, I'm in." She went back to whatever she was doing and I texted sax back.

"Good, let's bankrupt her bar." I smiled as everyone gave a small cheer, "So clay, how's your college girl? Run her off yet." 

"Everyone laugh it up but we're doing good." He waved his hand off dismissively.

The whole way back was trading stories about mostly women. Everything was feeling good, everything was feeling normal again. All because I had sax back.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was about seven when sonny walked in the bar. I walked over and gave him a kiss before motioning to the table I had reserved for the group.

"Big enough table?" He chuckled and put his arm around my waist.

"Shut up and pop a squat. The bar will be filling up soon and I have a little work to do before the whole team gets here." I turned and went to the bar, grabbing a few glasses and helping behind the bar until my business partner could get here.

Before long, I seen over half the group taking seats and I sent a waitress to drop off drinks. A couple minutes later my partner Kyle got here and took my spot so I could go over to the table. I seen everyone except the kid and Davis. I took the seat beside sonny after giving him a small kiss.

"Good to see you again sax" Alana smiled and gave me a small hug, followed by Naima, "ready to join the wives and girlfriends club."

"Don't have much of a choice, now do I." I smiled and sipped the beer I brought with me.

"So what's the special occasion?" Brock asked a she held his beer, "not that we aren't thankful for free beer."

"It's a very late thank you." I smirked, "you brought two hard-headed people together."

Everyone chuckled as the final four stragglers came in, I waved over the witness Lucy for four more. She walked over as everyone sat down except the young girl with the kid. I git up and gave her my seat as Lucy was dropping off the beers.

"Oh thank you but I can just grab another chair." She smiled.

I shook my head, "you won't find one open. Go ahead."

The one across the table I didn't recognize started to pull a card to pay, "I got it."

"Saxon was paying for all of them." Davis corrected.

"Nah let him pay." I smirked as I sat on Sonny's lap.

"Sax owns the bar." He explained and the man pulled the card back.

"So I don't recognize a few of you." I leaned back against Sonny's shoulder as the significant others gave their names.

When it landed on the man, he said Danny and I whistled, "so you're the Danny I need to chat with to get the dirt on sonny."

"What dirt?" Sonny asked, "I'm a joy to be around, perfect angel."

Everyone laughed as I shook my head, "nevermind, if I find out I might not stay around again."

More laughter as sonny shook his head, "good luck with that, I'm not letting go this time."

I tried to hides that small blush I got from sonny being sweet and nice.... Not to be confused with the one I get when he teases teases me in public or man handles me the way I like with people watching. It was hard not to blush around sonny, those things happen in almost every conversation. 

"So how did you two meet?" Stella asked as clay put his arm around her.

"I use to be on the team. Me and those two..." I pointed at Jace and ray, "went through green team together."

She nodded and I took my chance to ask her, "how did you two meet?"

"Bar." Clay said as she chuckled and added, "he tried to pick me up as he debated and explained feminism to me."

I nodded at her, "that's a keeper."

"What about you two? How did you two start out?" 

I noticed most of the attention was on us. I nodded softly and smiled at the memory playing in my head again as the band took the stage and started playing.

"At breakfast, the coffee was bitter. Then this strange man sat down across from me and dumped a spoonful of a white powder in my cup. I asked what it was a d being a smart ass, he gave a little joke about it being sugar and before he left the table... I was hooked." 

He squeezed my hip and smirked as he took a drink. The moved to Alana and Jace and started to go around. Sadly, I wouldn't get away with my night off. As we just put the third round on the table, I heard my name after one of my favorite songs.

"Now we have a really good singer that just happens to be part owner of the bar. If we clap and cheer her on, we get her on stage on her night off. The house favorite, miss Saxon Reigns." They introduced me and I went wide eyed.

My hand swiped in front of my neck trying to stop it but I had the whole table cheering me on and a bar full of people joining in. Before I could attempt to do anything more then sit there like a deer in the headlights, sonny bumped me off his lap with a lift of his knee throwing me off balance. He ended this with a wink, and I tried to hide my burning cheeks as I walked up to the small stage.

"Hey everybody, one and done this." I looked at our lead musician, "and I mean one. Pick wisely.... My beer is getting warm waiting on me."

He can chuckled and started playing the soft melody in an acoustic style. I smiled recognizing it immediately,  ** _Good choice._** I adjusted the stand and mic, smirking as the first words slipped from my mouth.

" _Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need._ _We get a little restless from the searching, Get_ _a little worn down in between._  
_Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes. Everybody_ _needs someone beside em’ shining like a lighthouse from the sea."_ I had closed my eyes halfway through and started to Bob my head with the beat, only opening them when I belted out the chorus with the band backing me, " _Brother, let me be your shelter._ _Never leave you all alone. I_ _can be the one you call,_ _When you’re low. Brother_ _, let me be your fortress._  
_When the night winds are driving on. Be_ _the one to light the way, Bring_ _you home."_

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I watched Sax on stage with a smile, she was well within her comfort zone. She loved karaoke at bars, and I definitely loved watching her sing in my shirt as she cooked in our kitchen. I was proud to see her up there and whistled as she kept going to everyone's amazement.

" _And when you call and need me near._ _Sayin' where'd you go? Brother_ _, I'm right here."_

She patted her chest, the red v-neck and leather jacket looking amazing with her skin tight blue jeans an boots. The mic in her hand as she smiled towards me,  _ **You didn't really change.**_

 _"And on those days when the sky begins to fall._ _You're the blood of my blood,_ _We can get through it all...."_ She started clapping and got everyone clapping in rhythm with her _, "_ _Brother, let me be your shelter. Never_ _leave you all alone. I_ _can be the one you call, When_ _you’re feelin' low. Brother_ _, let me be your fortress, When_ _the night winds are driving on. Be_ _the one to light the way,_ _Bring you home."_

As she finished off the song, the crowd roared. I knew she usually sang here but I never knew the regulars loved it so much. She put the mic back and started to walk off the stage as they were trying to get one more out of her. She shot them down and walked right back to our group, right back to my lap and a kiss. As the music went on, we slowly finished the night out. Everyone left after teasing her for singing, leaving us alone. She smiled at me.

"So, a month into this... You think we'll be ok?"

"I think it's safe to say yes." I finished my beer, "why?"

"Just making sure... I'm happy with where we are." She shrugged. 

"Now your hiding something." I pointed at her with the empty bottle, " 'fess up."

"Deployment. I heard them mention it." She looked at me, "how long till I lose you."

It was less of a question and more of a statement.

"Two months." I sat the bottle down, "I don't have all the details yet either."

"Are we good? I mean do you think we'll make it through deployment." She sounded almost scared.

"You don't?" I sighed, "let's not worry about deployment. We have time." 

I covered her hand, "do we? You're leaving for months and we have only started to grow back together."

I stopped her with a soft kiss on her velvet lips, "worry later. I promise we'll be fine."

She smiled softly and let me lead her out, a slow drive back to her place on my bike was all that was needed for her to feel better. I didn't want to talk deployment, I didn't want to think of spending three months away. I wanted to make memories to remember while I'm over there. I wanted to see her laughing and red face blush that burns like a fire over her cheeks. I wanted to see that girl that was stronger then me, the one I fell for before. She might believe she is different but I'm only seeing denial of being the same. Her golden hair brushed back, cowboy boots and leather jacket... The same girl that I took home. I didn't want her to worry about something we couldn't fix, I wanted to dodge it till the bitter end. So tonight wasn't going to be about that. 


	3. Help me to remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and sax talks memories, deployment, and their relationship.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I stretched awake as two arms tugged me in again. This was the sixth straight night in the same bed as sonny. It was something I missed dearly... Something I would never give up again. I heard a small yawn and seen Cerberus in his makeshift bed.  _ **Must've came in once we got quiet and fell asleep.**_ Sonny slowly woke up and sat up watching me struggling to keep blankets over me.

"Why do you do that?" He smirked.

"Do what?" I groaned and rolled to face him and achieved my goal of taking all the covers.

"Cover up like I've never seen you naked before." He chuckled and stood up stretching, giving me a beautiful view.

"I guess I forget."

"Forget that amazing sex?" He gave a snort derision.

"No, forget how annoying you can get over small things." He turned around laughing and I pulled a sheet over my head, "just put some pants on dude."

I peeked my eyes over the edge of the sheet.

"Why? I thought you liked seeing me naked." He gave a small wink and his friend twitched.

I laughed and he crawled over me to pull the sheets off, "no! No warmth... Don't leave me my old friend."

"It's not fair that I'm the only naked one." He pulled the sheet back to expose me slowly as I kicked him in the gut trying to force him off.

He ripped the sheet off, leaving me naked under him, "see, now it's fair."

"It's cold you jerk." I punched him as he grabbed my arms and pinned them next to me.

"I can warm you up without the blanket." He chuckled as I turned my head and tried to hide the laugh, my cheeks betraying me with a scarlet glow. 

 "It could be just like our first deployment, getting caught in the supply room." I smiled.

"Yeah, thankfully Nate was a good sport." He sat above me staring down, "though you were pretty loud."

"Hell no, he said he heard you first." I tried to nudge him with a knee and then my body tensed.

He seen it and quickly let go of my hands and stood up so I wasn't restricted, "you ok?"

"Yeah." I nodded, "just peachy."

He stared at me a moment, studying me. Obviously I didn't normally react like that before, he was probably noting that for the future. I felt uncomfortable, all the twists and turns we had already in life and then we try again and it's still a learning experience. He brushed some hair from my face and smiled.

"Hey, remember when we were on that rescue mission? That Arab. Had to pull him from the street but we didn't know about his guards." Sonny got up and walked towards the kitchen.

"Yeah? Why?" I asked curiously.

"Remember how loud you screamed when that guard shot you in the side." He smiled.

"Louder then you ever made me scream." I rolled my eyes and tossed on one of his shirts, "and you better not be frying bacon naked again."

"Why not? Sweet freedom." He smiled and started to pull my skillet out.

The pooch joined me in my walk to the kitchen, he curled up by the table. I patted his head and smiled, slowly turning my attention back to sonny.

"And if it pops and gets you again, I'll take you to the ER so everyone knows that Sonny Quinn can't cook bacon." I leaned against my counter as he kept going on cooking bacon, "I swear, you can't be older then four." He raised a brow as I finished, "in the head. I mean you're scared of rare animals, water but you somehow joined the Navy, and you burn yourself every time you cook in my kitchen."

"Then I guess you'll have to cook everything." He smiled and step back for me to take over.

"I ain't no housewife." I shook my head, "I'm just here to watch the show and fix your boo-boo after."

"How are you going to fix the boo-boo?" He gave that famous Quinn grin and I threw a straw at his head.

"Behave will you." 

He cooked the bacon slowly, being careful not to get himself. But as he was putting the skillet down he did burn his finger and I giggled as he glared over. He was shaking his hand as I walked over and put it under warm water.

"Also for being a seal," I started as I pulled his finger out and checked it, "you are such a whimp."

"I'll show you whimp." He grabbed my waist and lifted me up as I screamed with laughter.

He kissed my neck and sat me on the counter, well bent over the counter and then turned me around as he tried to feed me bacon. I rolled my hips against his as he did, smiling as he brushed the hair from my face. I seen him looked down a moment and I couldn't help it. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He gave his fake smile.

"Bullshit. You looked like someone kicked your puppy."

Cerberus huffed and I mouthed sorry to him.

I watched sonny shrug and kiss me, "nothing. Let's eat."

I watch him walk to the table, still completely naked. With a shake of my head, I walked over and stole a piece of bacon before sitting down across from him where he has two coffees already sitting out with a plate of eggs. I started to eat as he looked up and smiled.

"You remember our last deployment together? How I just slept in the cot with you because no one cared. Command looked the other way." 

"Of course I do, it wasn't too long after that I had a baby in me..." I stopped as he looked up, "sorry."

"Don't be, it happened." He nodded, "are we gonna talk about it?"

"I'll talk about it if you talk deployment." I watched him weigh it in his mind before sitting back, "so?"

"No." He took another bite.

"No? No what?"

"I am not really wanting to have the deployment talk." He looked up, "I was hoping to never have that talk." 

"Why?" I watched him get up and walk back to the bed room.

 _ **God damn it sonny, let me in.**_ I just finished my small coffee and sat there in silence a moment as I heard the back door open.  _ **He won't leave, that was always my move. He just needs air, and hopefully he put on pants.**_ I sighed and got up, slowly walking over to find him.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I went out back after pulling on sweats, sitting down on the small deck steps looking at the backyard. It was fenced in with a big tree close to the right corner, a tire swing swaying and a small flower garden lining the deck. A fire pit center of the yard, stone circle blocks leading to it.  _ **My parents would love this place, so domestic. I almost don't believe sax owns this... This isn't anything like her.**_ I took a deep breath as two arms wrapped around me and two legs traced beside mine. I let her lean in and rest her head on my back. It felt like old times, like most of this morning until small things came back. It was one of my favorite things, she would always curled up behind me and hold me. Silence sitting till she finally would ask me what's wrong. This was those moments all over again, she hugged me loosely and stayed there for what felt like hours but couldn't of been more then minutes. I felt the soft shake my body always gave when she did this.

"Baby why're you tremblin like you are?" She whispered against my back.

"You... Always you." I mumbled as I felt her lips curled up, "why does everything feel wrong?"

"Because we won't talk it out." She stayed still, "we suck at talking. Always have."

"You killed part of me when you left like you did." 

Silence. I was scared she wouldn't speak, that everything over these past few weeks would brake down.

"I'm sorry for the way I left, I regret it." She must've closed her eyes with the way her head was resting against my back.

"You regret the way you left, not leavin?" I closed my eyes as the sun that was being blocked by the tree was now directly on us.

"Yes.... If I didn't leave things wouldn't of been good." 

"What do ya mean?"

"Where do you think we would be by now if I never left?" She asked.

This made me pause, I never thought it through, "probably our second or third kid in a house like this with a couple dogs."

"You don't remember how it was before I left do you?" She lifted her head to rest on my shoulder, "The night terrors that caused you to sleep on the couch so I didn't kick you, The nightmares that you were scared to wake me up from because I gave you a black eye the first time you tried.... You wouldn't comfort me because I couldn't stand letting anyone touch me. No sex and I barely could let you be in bed beside me."

"I..." I blanked on words as all the memories of those few weeks came back.

"You never got within three feet of me when I was crying on the couch, scared I'd fight you off or only get worse from your presence... You hated coming home. I know you did even if you didn't say it." She rested her nose by my ear, "I can still hear your thank God when you got called in on the op I left during. I know you struggled with it and just didn't want me to know."

"That doesn't mean I wanted you to leave." I opened my eyes and looked towards her, "I didn't want to hurt, I didn't want you to leave... I wanted to help and I didn't know how. This isn't like breaching a door or anything like that."

"I know, but everytime I saw you I saw what we lost and... Honestly I couldn't do it." She pressed her nose to mine, her eyes looking at the contact instead of my eyes, "if it wasn't for leaving then... I don't know what I would've done. I didn't feel like me and I wasn't thinking straight."

I rolled my shoulders and slipped an arm around to pull her into my lap, "I didn't know that."

"I didn't...." She closed her eyes, "I didn't want to admit it."

I took that in, the way she refused to look at me after admitting her thoughts from before. I sighed and kissed her, hugging her tight and starting the thing I lease wanted to talk about. 

"I leave in about a month. We don't know for sure but it sounds like J-bad, following up echo's deployment." I seen her look up to me, her hand finding the scruff of my bread and running her fingers through it, "I want to know we are good before I go. I would leave Cerberus for you and go without a hair missal if it helps?"

She chuckled softly, "so all six of you get blown up, no way. I want that dog to save your ass when you screw up."

I leaned into her hand, "maybe you should get a dog. Cerberus could use a friend."

"Maybe." She closed her eyes a second before finding my eyes, "I think we're good, maybe a little more time wouldn't help. Could the team spare you a weekend before deployment?"

"You want me all to yourself for a weekend? I can make sure they're ok with me turning off my phone." 

"We won't be in bed all weekend before you ask." She rolled her eyes, "but we can make sure everything is good. So for the three months you are gone, I know well be fine. You'll know it too."

I smiled down at her and left a lingering kiss on her velvet lips, "one weekend it is. Anything else before we test the boundaries?"

She tipped her head against my chest and laughed, "yeah, help me find a puppy to keep me warm while your gone."

I smiled and lifted her up as I started to carry her back in over my shoulder, she laughed and kicked softly as she begged for me to put her down. Cerberus watched us walk by to the bedroom again and shut the door. 

"What are you doin?" She pushed me back and held me up as I tried to lean down to her.

"Helping you change so we can go look at dogs." He tugged at the shirt, "or we can do that in a while."

"Sonny!" She yelped as I started to kiss her neck.  _ **As long as I have you, I'll be fine.**_


	4. A short goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tragedy moves up deployment and forces sonny and saxon to skip their weekend together. A struggle begins for them to say goodbye at deployment.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

After a lot of thought, I was still unsure of how things will be ok when I leave for deployment. Saxon and me were making a great stride in this relationship, only three months in and it felt just like before. I planned on moving in with her at her house near the base and bar. A little more residential then what I ever thought of for me, but it was a big house and yard with a pool and Saxon's grandma left it to her. It was a lot, but I was willing to risk anything if I could have what we had before. 

I was waiting at the gym on base, Jace was suppose to meet me for a workout session. As he came in I smiled.

"Thought you wouldn't show." He scuffed and sent me to bench press, right to business.

"How are you and sax?" He watched me as I went to work.

"Good." I slid into my spot and started, "she's warming up to deployment. Made me promise her a weekend alone before I go."

 "Good, good." He was spotting me and up the weight as we went.

"What about you and Alana?"

He paused a moment, "better. The whole family is going to the water park as usual."

"You think you'll get back in?" 

"We'll see," he nodded, "so what's with this late workout session?"

"I always lose so much damn muscle when we end up deploying. Something in the air gets in my food, makes me not have an appetite." I finished the last push and sat up to catchy breath.

"That's called adrenaline." He smirked.

"It's called dirt. Goat dung. And despair." I corrected.

"Goat dung, eh? Didn't know you were such a philosopher." Jace joked.

"The Quinns come from a long line of warrior poets. You know, we used to advise the ancient kings in Tara. Yeah, look it up."

"Right? Make sure you look, uh, after Spenser when we're over there. Got it?" He slipped in as I watched him write my new PR.

"I ain't babysitting pretty boy over there." I waited till he got back over, "the kid doesn't need a babysitter."

"You forgetting something?" He tossed me my towel and slowly walked with me, "You remember how Ray took care of you on your first cycle?"

"The only thing Ray looked after was making sure that my ass went through the door first." I rolled my eyes and took a drink as we left the gym.

"Look after him. Yeah." He clapped my shoulder and left.

I checked my phone and caught the time, it was late but I knew Saxon would be home alone. I wanted to get home to her but before I can get to far down the hall, Jace waved me down as he was talking to ray. I got the gist of why and quickly settled into my spot.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was at the bar, waiting on sonny to come in and joke about me working to much. Then a bad feeling wouldn't shake as I stood by the corner, my only saving grace to pull me out of my trance was my one waitress stopping to get me.

"Hey sax, we're out of Corona." She nudge me.

"Yeah, I'll bring up a case." I shook my head softly.

"You ok?" 

"Yeah, fine lucy."

I went down and brought up a case as my business partner stopped me, I seen that look on his stupid face before. Kyle was worried for me.

"Hey sax, are you ok?" He looked at me.

"Yeah I'm good." I blinked at him, "why is everyone asking me that."

"You zoned out by the bar." He sighed, "what's the word with sonny?"

"Deployment in twelve days." I dropped my head, "still working it out. Hard to adjust the .I never had to be the military girlfriend left behind."

"It'll be fine, it's always fine once you get over the bridge." 

A little while later, sonny was at the door. He stepped in but didn't look to great, so I rushed over.

"What's wrong? I know that look." I rubbed his arm.

"There's an issue in J-bad, echo team was killed in a bombing. They moved up deployment." Sonny scratched his neck.

"To when?"

"We have eighteen hours." He put an arm around me, "I know we planned on..."

"No I understand." I stopped him, "echo, who was on echo?"

"Steve Porter." He squeezed my arm, "you know Jason and Alana's fri..."

"Yeah I remember Steve... You going over?" I watch him nod, "I know i'm not a wife and kinda a traitor b..."

"Your not a traitor, and yes. I was hoping you would." He tugged my hand and walked me out to his bike.

I slipped on behind him, closing my eyes as all the emotions already starting.  _ **This could be you. One wrong move of Sonny's and your the girl that lost her chance. Your not in J-bad with him, your not a seal anymore... You are the military girlfriend.**_ I took the helmet and he rode without one as we raced over to the house. Pulling up to the curb, all I could think was how bad an idea this was. He lead me up and the house was full of people there for Cindy. We barely stepped in when she looked over and waved me over, sonny watching as the now grieving widow squeezed me tighter then the leather jacket I wore would in the wind. 

"Saxon, I heard you were back. Steve always..." She sniffled and started to cry on my shoulder, "always..."

"I know... I know." I patted her back as Alana took her and got her back on the couch.

Sonny tugged my hand to ground me, I never did well at these moments before. After being gone so long, I wasn't any better off. The reality of the situation always hits harder, and tight now it was screaming in my face.  _ **This could be you... If you stay with sonny, this could be you. That could be you crying and struggling to find a reason to keep going.**_ Sonny tugged my hand and told me he was going to sit with the kids. I nodded and found myself sliding through to the kitchen, sighing as I was stopped.

"Sax, right?"

I turned and smiled softly, "Stella, I'll save that horrible joke."

She broke a smile, "thanks..." I seen her fidget a little, "have you done this before?"

"Sadly yes, no it doesn't get easier and yes it's always awkward." I chuckled softly, "but it's good to know people are there if anything happens."

"Yeah, it's a little weird to walk into. It's like a family and..."

"Your the new girlfriend people are watching. Not quite in but enough they include you in everything." I finished, "I know it's hard."

"Yeah... So you use to be a seal?"

"Yup, another life time it seems." I shrugged.

Time was flying bye, everyone trying to cope and help where they can. The only moment worse then having to sit with Cindy as she struggled to stay strong was when the news broke on the tv. They announced the dead seal team members and then all the team was called in. They left and everything was thick with tension. 

We were on our way to give the final goodbye, all the cars lined up as everyone had to say goodbye. Me and sonny rode in on his bike, I held his chest tight as he pulled in and hit the kickstand. I pulled my leg over and watched him, he got off and took his bag as he turned to face me. I threw my arms around him, kissing his neck and hiding my face. He wrapped his arms around me and held me to him tight, heads touching and lips only millimetres apart. 

"Three months... Three months and you'll be coming home." I whispered.

"Three months. I promise." He kissed me and smiled as i swooned in his arms.

"We can talk, video chat and I'll be expecting a call here soon." I closed my eyes, "god I became one of those obsessed girlfriends."

He chuckled, "why wouldn't you? Missing this god of a man in your bed."

"Suddenly a little less." I teared up and hugged him tighter, "I'm gonna miss you."

"I already miss you." He cupped my cheek, "take my girl home, take care of her... I promise a ride if you are good while i'm gone."

"Yeah I know."

"I was talking to the bike." He smiled faintly and wiped away my tear, "I know you'll be good, u know we'll be fine."

I nodded but couldn't find anyway to say any word that came to mind.

He took a glance around and I watched as everyone detached and the guys started to walk in, "you should go."

My whisper was soft and he hesitated, but he did slowly pull away.

"Yeah." He pulled away and gave one last kiss before walking in.

I sat a moment on his bike, watching and waiting till everyone else left. I couldn't be near anyone right now... I stayed a moment, almost making out the plane leaving with them on it. I closed my eyes before slowly driving off, all this space between us starting slowly.... The biggest test to see if we have a chance. The only thing I'm not sure I can make it through. And it all started with a short goodbye and broken plans, and as of now a broken me.


	5. First week

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I went home after watching the plane leave, heading home and laying out on the deck. The house was very empty, no sonny like i had for the past three months and no Cerberus.... it was depressing. I sat up and thought about going to the bar but Kyle told me to take a little time off. So instead I was stuck just sitting, thinking.... Waiting.

> _I stood with my back to the door, ten in the morning on a Friday. I was going over our stock and marking what was needed so I could order it after lunch. I was concentrating, to focused on such simple things I never heard the door or his footsteps._
> 
> _Two arms wrapped around my waist and a hand went over my mouth, "you work to much... Coming from me that says a lot."_
> 
> _I rolled my eyes as his hand stayed covering my mouth and the other dropped. I tried to speak through it but it was no use. He moved his hand and spun me around to see him. Sonny Quinn in all his glory... Or dressed like normal._
> 
> _"If I want to stay out of the hole, I need to keep the business afloat and that requires work on my part." I smiled as he leaned in closer._
> 
> _"But wouldn't you rather spend time with your boyfriend freshly back from the jungle."_
> 
> _"Stop complaining, if I get the orders done then I can take the rest of the day off." I smirked as he nuzzled my neck._
> 
> _"Mmmmmm..... I can only imagine what I could do to you right now. In this bar all alone."_
> 
> _"We only have two hours." I chuckled as he kissed my pulse._
> 
> _"I only need a few minutes."_
> 
> _I push him off, "let me finish..."_
> 
> _"Oh I always let you finish." He smirked._
> 
> **_He couldn't even let me finish the sentence... Damn it._ ** _I pulled his hand away from my hair, "ok, let me put it this way. I finish working, then you can do whatever you want."_
> 
> _He let go and walked off towards a chair to sit. I didn't look back but I knew he was watching me, I felt his eyes and then it came. A peanut to my back. I turned around and he smiled as he ate a peanut from the bowl on the table._
> 
> _"Seriously?" I walked over and put my foot on the edge of his seat._
> 
> _"What?" He chuckled._
> 
> _I put pressure and the chair tipped back, "let me finish and then you can have your fun."_
> 
> _"Can't wait." He smirked and pulled me into his lap as the chair fell back._

I could still feel his hand as he traced my skin and undid my belt _._ The kisses down my neck and the slow pressure building as I broke my only rule about the bar, no sex during work. But I couldn't help myself, he is the biggest pain in my ass and I love him. That's why as I lay here, not even an hour after he left on deployment.... I lay here feeling worse then when I left the first time. 

"Shit.... I guess I'm getting a dog." I groaned and sat up, "to damn lonely without those two."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We had just touched down in the Jalalabad, getting off the plane and immediatly going in. Jason and Mandy was in there finding a way to get us moving on revenging echo team. I sat back waiting with the others, no need to mess with Davis's system of packing. I was sitting there thinking of Sax, it really was weird she wasn't here on deployment with me.

> _I sat with my back against some crates, Nate to my left and Ray on my right. Saxon was leaning against my legs, head rested by my lap. Jason was seeing what we're doing and Trent the new guy at the time was looking for his bag. I ran my hands through her hair a little and smiled at her swatting of my hands._
> 
> _"Stop it."_
> 
> _"Stop what?" I smirked._
> 
> _"And we have been in Afghanistan for thirty minutes and have already had the first couples argument." Ray looked over._
> 
> _"Blame sonny." Nate interjected._
> 
> _"Why me?"_
> 
> _"The woman is always right, remember that." Nate chuckled as ray nodded in agreement._
> 
> _I wrapped some of her hair through my fingers, and she snapped, "I swear to God I will tie your hands up!"_
> 
> _"Don't tempt me with a good time." I smirked and she reached back and punched my chest._
> 
> _"Fuck you." She sat up carefully, probably making sure my hands were away, "get me when they have our op ready. ImI checking out my bunk."_
> 
> _I watched her walk away as Nate shook his head, "I don't understand how you got that."_
> 
> _"Probably bad decisions and alcohol." Ray stood up, "let me go rush Jace."_

I was stirred back to reality and pulled up by Jason. Our first task would be easy, and we were all ready to right some wrongs the best we can.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The first night is always the hardest, I heard it from all the wives and girlfriends. Now being in the moment, I definitely understood what they meant. This wasn't technically the first time he left me behind but the first deployment and I was trying to find anyway to distract myself long enough to sleep a minute. So far, I have failed.... Not to surprising. As I rolled over a knock came at the door. My phone said three am and I groaned before getting up and walking to the door in one of Sonny's shirts.

I opened the door and barely glanced up as I answered, "it's three in the fucki..." 

There stood Stella, leaning back slightly. Most likely because I screamed. I stopped and quickly backpedaled.

"Sorry.... I was just tired. Couldn't sleep. Deployment and all that." I sighed, "what can I help you with?"

"Same thing." She rubbed her arm, "I was hoping you had a trick to stop the worrying."

I sighed and opened the door wide, "Friends. Alcohol. Greasy food.... Not necessarily in that order."

She chuckled and came in, sitting with me at the kitchen table as we shared some nachos and did a few shots. We talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. And with that, the night had passed and the first day came. She ran off to class and I went to the bar early, because I didn't have sonny to bother me as I worked.  _ **It's only just begun.... Don't let it get to you so soon.**_

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

The week was creeping by, going from one place to the next. When we finally got back, we settled into our bunks. Walking in and looking at the beds echo had slept in before their final sacrifice. After a moment of staring, me and Trent made the first move to take the bottom bunk.

"You ever wonder how many times you've slept in a dead man's bed?" Spencer asked as he watched us move.

"Never a friend's bed, like Echo Team." I spoke and sat down, "Senior guys get bottom bunk." 

"Damn right." Trent fist bumped me as the other two slowly climbed up to their beds.

"Here, boy. Hup." Brock called and we all watched Cerberus climb the ladder.

"Hey, it doesn't bother you how we're gonna make our only teammate with no arms climb a ladder?" Clay chuckled as he watched the show.

"Not me." Brock school his head as Cerberus laid down with him.

"I think it's awesome." I smirked, "never question the dog."

Everyone laughed and moved the conversation on. I looked at the wood frame holding clay above me, thinking about how me and saxon use to lay on these bunks together.

> _It was barely getting dark, the group laying in their bunks bullshitting about the recent op. I didn't want to leave Saxon out, so like a dozen times before, she was curled up with me as everyone talked._
> 
> _"Do you plan on sleeping in with us tonight?" Trent asked, "should we keep our clothes on?"_
> 
> _"Hey no one said anything about that." I smirked as she gave me a shove off the bed._
> 
> _"Why do I love you?" She shook her head as Nate reached his hand over to pat her shoulder._
> 
> _"We all make bad_ _decisions. Yours just won't go away."_
> 
> _I reached up, tugging her shoulder, "we have a spare bed if you want to stay."_
> 
> _"Yours will do fine... And I mean I'm taking it and you can find a different one." She slapped my hand away, "stop being a jerk and we can share."_
> 
> _Everyone chuckled, she helped me up and let me lay down beside her. She slept in our barracks that night, tucked in with me._

I was snapped out of my dream by the door opening and ray telling us to get back up. I slowly get up and bring up the rear as we left yet again.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The week went slowly, dragging by with a lot of working. I hated it, but then I went out dog shopping. I hit up the humane society and found the perfect little guy to keep me company. I put a collar on him and was happy to take him home, the four foot dog would keep me company. I was so sure Sonny and Cerberus would love him, I sent a message his way and hoped he would be able to chat. Luckily, since it was late he asked me to Skype him. I set up my laptop and had the little big guy sitting off to the side. As it connected me, I smiled and seen his grizzly face come on the screen.

"Hello handsome, where's the guys?" 

"Right behind me," he raised his hand and suddenly there was every one of the guys, "say hi."

"Hi sax!" Brock waved as Cerberus popped yo next to sonny.

"Hey." Came out in a small almost stutter from the rest as they waved and Jason leaned in from the side.

"Hey guys." I chuckled, "glad you could make it too! I actually had a surprise, sonny boy you'll love this..... Cerberus too."

They looked confused and interested, so I whistled and caught the little big guy in my arms. The great Dane puppy in my arm barked softly and Cerberus tipped his head as everyone laughed. 

"You got a dog."

I laughed, "meet Tex. That was his name when he was left at the pound and I found it fitting."

"Yeah, he'll be huge." Brock smirked as sonny shook his head.

"He won't be sleeping in the bed with us." Sonny tried and I laughed.

"We'll see." I sighed, "he's sleeping in the bed right now. I'm not throwing him out. And when he's grown, I dare you to throw him out."

The guys laughed and waved bye before giving me a moment alone with sonny. Once the door shut he looked up at me.

"How are you doing?"

"Not getting shot at like you so... Can't complain." I gave my best smile.

He sighed, "I have to go but... I love you."

"I love you too sonny, you better come home."

"I have too... I new got my Jr from you yet." He winked, "I'm sure Cerberus will love Tex."

"Love you." I kissed my hand and raise it out in front of me.

"Love you too." He did the same then turned his camera off.

_**One down... Eleven to go. Please God let this go by quick.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be taking a week off next week due to having surgery. The story should return the week after.


	6. Talking to the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distance grows harder on sax.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I sat on the floor, beside the back door as Tex dragged over his new toy. He tossed it up at me and huffed when I didn't toss it back. So I dangled it a moment to make him tackle, then pulled him into a hug as he chewed on it.

"Hey boy, it's almost midnight. Why you playing with toys?" I chuckled when he licked my face, "it's because I'm still awake right?"

I rolled my eyes and sat him down as I stepped out into the cool night air. My lips feeling dry as I took deep breaths through my mouth.  _ **Midnight, about eight thirty am then? Maybe he can.**_ I pulled my phone and made the call, waiting ten minutes for the line to connect. It took five for them to find him and get him to the secured phone, But the second the phone lifted up, and I heard that familiar accent... Everything was ok again.

"Why hello beautiful." I heard the grin in his voice.

"Says a lot coming from someone who can't see me." I sighed, "I look like a mess."

"You always say that, I never see it." He hummed.

"You're a smooth talker." I chuckled and pulled my robe tight around me as I sat down on the steps of the back deck, "not so charming but smooth."

"That almost hurt my feelings." 

"No what will hurt your feelings is when I tell you what I really think of your manhood." I smiled as he laughed.

"Ouch." I could imagine his hand over his heart to show the fake pain, "you know they record these calls."

"You're the one that would have to explain." I chuckled, "but that's not important is it."

"It is if you get a rumor started," he warned before sighing, "what's up? Why didja call?"

"Worry." I looked up at the moon, "it gets worse at night. Ya know?"

"Yeah I do." It went silent for a minute, "you know I'll be ok. My family won't let me go down, I won't let them go down."

"I know." I smiled, "once a seal, always a seal."

"You shouldn't worry. I'll be back home making that baby in no time." 

"Fuck you sonny." I sighed, waiting for the reply.

"I will soon enough." He gave in a small growl, my heart soared at the sound. 

I could imagine him sitting behind me, engulfing me in his arms and kissing down my neck. His hand tugging me tight against him as he nibbled my pulse, sending shockwaves through my body...

"Sax?"

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

"Sax?" I gave it a moment, "hey girl?"

"Yeah sorry." She sighed, "sorry."

"If you start zoning out I might just have to go AWOL and straighten you out."

"Now who's starting rumors." She teased.

"So what are you up to?" I shifted to sit on the edge of a desk looking at the half empty room that was ignoring the conversation, "besides burning the midnight oil."

"Just couldn't sleep." She gave a small chuckle and I heard a scuffle and small bark.

"Little Texas wouldn't let you."

"Tex, just Tex." She rolled her eyes if I know her, "and no. I just got tired of not having a warm body... And his isn't big enough yet to replace you."

"I know." I closed my eyes, "yeah I know the feeling."

"I'm sorry to call, I could've worked myself down enough to sleep but...."

I cut in, "but I would be up and at base  luckily. The past few days have been non-stop."

"Getting anywhere with echo?"

"Kinda." I sighed, "be better if we had you here to kick down doors with us."

"No way, I stopped the wonder woman fantasizing long ago." She had that smile tone in her voice, little bit of baby talk to the pup barely hitting the speaker as I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey, go to bed. Cuddle up with the dog. And most importantly, dream of me." I smiled as I imagined her shaking her head and walking back indoors so the background noise would disappear.

"Yeah, yeah." I heard the door shut and a yip from the dog, "Go save the world Batman, but don't get blown up and most importantly, don't think about getting a side chick."

I laughed at that, "like I could do it without you finding out."

"That's right." 

I let the silence hang a moment as I listened to the noise on the other side. A small rustle of sheets, the small slip of her robe being tossed off, and the puff of her falling back on the bed. I smiled and curled my lips slightly before tugging down my Stetson.

"Have a good safe day." She whispered, "love you."

"Good night darlin, love you too."

Before I could pull the phone from my ear, "by the way, that Stetson looks ridiculous on you in the afganistan desert."

"You like it, good night."

I hung up on her and let out a little chuckle, slowly walking out pass Davis. She had that shit eating grin, I couldn't pass it up.

"What?"

"She's calling you at midnight, and your answering." She smiled, "she's got you wrapped around her finger."

"It's a pretty finger though." I chuckled, "I could live with it."

She shook her head and watched me walk back off to the guys, our next hit being set up.  _ **She can call me whenever she wants, I'll lose sleep to talk to her if I have to.**_


	7. Tickle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax and sonny has bad feelings as things go wrong.

* * *

_**Saxon**_

* * *

 

> _**Intuition**_  
> 
> _**/int(y)o͞oˈiSH(ə)n/**_  
> 
> _**noun** _
> 
>   * _~~the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.~~_
>   * _a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning._
> 


Have you ever had that bad feeling inside? One that hits you out of no where and won't leave. The feeling of restricted breath, stomuch turning, or that tickle at the back of your neck that makes you stop and look around.... It's intuition, your body trying to warn you when even though your mind can't make any sound reason for why. 

I picked it up as a seal, something we all learn quickly. Follow your gut when you get trapped on your own. I was relying on my brothers to save me when I was POW being tortured.... But I trusted my gut on all decisions till they came. Even after they got me and I seen sonny for the first time after losing the baby and being brutalized, sonny said he had a bad feeling when they were clearing the target and i was long range. Same happened when he got shot in the side on a mission when I was at a different location, a tickle that caused a spark down my back. I knew something was wrong. Me and sonny had this connection, I think we still do sometimes..... But right now I hope it's wrong. 

I was at work behind the bar when that empty feeling crept in and that damn tickle caused my chest to constrict.  ** _Sonny! Something happened.... something happened._** The broken glass and half cup of beer strewn across the bar mat behind the bar. A few noticed and Jenny working the bar with me quickly covered for me as Kyle pulled me to the back room concerned.

"You ok sax?" 

"Yeah... Fine." I looked up.

"What was that?" 

"A bad feeling." I whispered and he stopped immediately.

He served beside me before I became a seal. He knew to trust my gut, it saved him several times.... So he only stood back watching as I sat there. A silent prayer leaving my lips as I try to find my head.  _ **Sonny is fine, he is safe. They wouldn't let anything happen to him.... They would've told you if anything did.**_ The problem was, I was arguing with myself... And everyone that knew me knew my gut never steered me wrong.  _ **Please be ok damn it.**_

* * *

_**Sonny** _

_**48 hours ago** _

* * *

We just got back from our lastest grab, all of us deciding to lay down. Mandy was setting up interrogation and left us to relax till she had the next lead. Trent was out cold, Brock out of it. The kid walked in as his laptop connected when he had walked in, leaving me as the only guy on the outside.  _ **Another call to miss Stella... He's worse then me and Sax, and Sax can get really needy.**_ I give it a few minutes, then I come in ready. Steson, sun glasses, boxers, and robe over it as I brush my teeth and hold a coffee cup.  _ **American dream.**_   _ **I am ready to give her a show and embaress Spencer.**_ I walk in casaully, no worries. The two not even paying attention to me as I listened in on the conversation and made a few small changes. I tossed the robe, put on the utility belt and wrapped the Texas flag around me. I stood back a little bit, but it took only a few seconds for her to crack, turning away to hide her laugh.

"Seriously? You're laughing right now?" Clay asks as I opened the flag behind him and swayed my hips.

"No." She chuckled and pointed to get clay to look behind him.

"Well, how you doing there, Miss Stella? Huh?" I walk over slowly to stand beside clay.

"Hey." She was still trying to hide the laugh.

"I just want to let you know we're taking care of your, uh your young buck right now. He's a big old stud out here." I patted his shoulder.

"Thank you so much for wearing something under that robe this time." She nods.

"Yeah. It's America right here." I opened the flag real quick before stepping back.

"Hey, Sonny, we're-we're kind of in the middle of something right now, man." Clay turned and looked back, clearly annoyed.

"Yeah." I spit out the little bit of tooth paste I had in my mouth from where I started to brush before he spoke, "Come on, you think I just got dressed up like this for no reason? Huh?"

"He is not well." She smiles.

"Well, uh good night, there, Stella. Have a good one." 

"Later, cowboy." She nods.

"I'll, uh, I'll just go to my room." I turn around and toss the flag to the side and undo my belt, getting comfy to get some sleep before calling Sax.  _ **Better if I call when imI just awake then mess with it right now.**_

"Actually, I should go, too." 

"Yeah, yeah, 'cause we wouldn't want to keep Gordon waiting, right?"

 _ **Poor kid, he's falling on the wrong side. He's getting jealous.**_ I laid down and tipped my hat to cover my eyes better then the sunglasses,  _ **Just a little sleep then I'll call sax.**_

"Come on, don't do that. I need to go, and you need to go get some sleep, slow those long-distance relationship gears from turning. Okay? We'll talk about your paranoid fantasies tomorrow." She hung up at that.

Clay shut the laptop and took a deep breath, his eyes drifting to me with a small glare but it didn't last long.  _ **Kid needs to lighten up.**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I was in the kitchen, my snack on the table as stretched. **_It wasn't too late yet, no contact from sonny yet today._** It made me a little sad and worried but, then again, **_I am being_** ** _needy if I have to talk to him everyday_**. **_But here lately sonny reached out and not me..._ _Maybe he was getting needy._** Before I could refect on that thought, my phone dinged and I almost lept to it hoping sonny was checking in.  _ **Nope, your still needy girl.**_

> **_S:_ ** _Your boyfriend is a handful._

_**Not sonny... just Stella.**_ I chuckled and shook my head.  _ **Well I know that... I just don't know why I love the idjit.**_ I pressed the call button and decided Stella would be a good chat if sonny wasn't interested.

"Hey."

"Hey." I sighed, "do I even want to know?"

"He had clothes under the robe this time." She laughed, "improvement."

"I wouldn't be to happy, it might not stay." I chuckled, "what did he do?"

"He had on his cowboy hat, sunglasses, utility belt, and boxers with a Texas flag wrapped around him." She paused, "then he opened the flag and danced a little behind clay while he was trying to have a serious chat with me."

"I don't know about him sometimes." I held in the laugh as my cheeks grew red.

"I don't know who would take him if you don't. Your our only hope sax." She sighed, "if it helps I'm in the same boat. Not with the crazy as much as jealousy."

"That doesn't sound good."

"A male colleague, actually hesh my advisor. He wanted my opinion on a paper and offered drinks." 

The silence sat a moment, "you know when your far away, little things can cause fights. Especially when your in a war plagued country trying to survive and come home."

"I keep forgetting, you were there." She whispered.

"Doesn't make it easier." I added, "trust me, it'll pass."

"Thanks."

"And I'll have a talk with sonny about boundaries... Though it's harder when I have to fight to get ahold of him." I looked at Tex as he huffed and put his head on my foot, "I hate being the one to call. Make me feel needy."

"I understand... Not always bad though."

"Later Stella."

"Night sax." 

She hung up and i close my eyes before nudging Tex, "let's go to bed dude. I have to call daddy in the morning."

He wondered off to bed and I followed. Plopping down and cuddling up to him, my phone on the edge of the nightstand and turned up.  _ **Its ok to be needy sometimes.**_

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

The kid and Ray were on the verification op and it gave me a moment to call up Saxon. I sent a message and was given a quick reply, I had a connection up on the computer and in only seconds, there she was. Dark blonde hair in a mess on her head, Amber eyes shining even though she looked almost dead, and a blanket pulled up around what looks like one of my shirts. The dog was laying on my pillow wagging it's tail as yawned.

"We'll hello beautiful." I gave a small whistle as I sat down in a corner chair. It was mild privacy in a barack with none.

"Hey handsome." She sat up and let the blanket fall down so I could see the edge of her lace panties and my shirt pooling just above thanks to how she was sitting.

"Did I wake you?"

"Not at all." She grumbled, "why would you think that."

I smirked at the sarcasm in her voice, "I thought you never slept later then nine. Unless I'm in the bed with you."

"Trouble sleeping," she sighed, running her fingers through her hair only for then to get stuck by her messy bun.

"Restless I would say. Your hair is tangled up."

"Yeah, I don't have a log in bed snoring beside me to keep me from rolling around." She smirked.

"Keep that up missy and I might just tack some extra days on to deployment." I watched her roll her eyes.

"And you would be coming back to a dead girlfriend. And that doesn't mean because of your bedroom skills." She rolled her eyes before finishing, "the restless sleep would kill me first."

I shook my head and watched as she just smiled at me, "I forgot to ask, how's work going?"

"Good, bar is on a roll here lately. We'll be in the green in only a month if that. All bills are almost paid out full." 

"Good to hear. I need somewhere to go when I need free beer." I pulled a tooth pick from the small can beside me, "especially when my girl works up my appetite."

"Aren't you just full of sex jokes today." She shook her head, "how's J-bad?"

"Same old, same old. Snow to our knees and a volcano trying to erupt."

"Your full of shit." She chuckled, "bet your side chick loves that."

"Like any girl could even attempt to replace you." I smiled at her blush and the dog licking her face, "no one has the ability to keep up with you."

"Yeah, yeah... So I... I uh... Uhmmm.... I sent you a little gift. You should get it soon hopefully." She scratched her neck as her cheeks went redder and she pushed the dog down.

"A gift?"

"A box from home. Just a few things in there and ya know." She shrugged, "hopefully it'll be the right things."

"You send any... Nude photos now did you?" I smirked.

"For you to hand around? Your an fucking idiot sonny." She laughed, "no but do look at it. You'll love it."

"Ok." I nod, "I should be goin here. A small side op is coming back and we just might finally get our revenge for echo if it goes good."

"One sec sonny." She called before I could hang up, "I need to talk to you really quick." She paused again as I looked at her, "go easy on the kid and Stella. Give them privacy instead of a show all the time."

"She loved the show." I smirked as she nodded.

"Yeah, but it was serious conversation. Some space and privacy needed."

I nodded, "yes mommy."

"Ay." She pointed her finger at me, "don't make me go over there and spank you."

We both laughed before doing our ritual to hang up. A kiss to our fingers and holding them out to press softly on the screen. It wouldn't feel like they're touching or look like it but, but it makes us feel like we were closer.

"Love ya sax."

"Love you more sonny." She gave a half grin, "stay safe now."

"Ain't i always." She hung up as I leaned back in the chair and sat the laptop down, "I have to make it back to you girl. I can't let anything happen and you be alone again."

* * *

 We got a lead on the suspect of who we believed killed our brothers. Jason and Mandy were making sure all lights were green as we packed and suited up. Taking jace's advice, I was trying to watch out for the kid. Especially on a quick and dirty, tensions high and revenge so close... Things could go wrong. So I decided to offer advice.

 "Here." I handed him an extra breaching charge, "Wherever we're going, you always need to carry extra breaching charges. Put them in your leg pouch."

"Nah, it's cool. Actually, I, um, prefer to have my body plate armor in between me and my explosives." He glared as he spoke.

"This op is gonna be quick and dirty, and you may not have time to reach back and get them. Okay? Put them in your leg pouch." 

"Yeah, I've been doing it this way for years, Sonny. It's not gonna be an issue." Clay spoke and Brock and Trent looked up and between the two. 

"You need to listen to me on this one, new guy." I used a little more forceful as I spoke, partially for ego.

"You know, I might have been the new guy after BUDs, might have been the new guy after Green Team, right? I might be the newest guy here on Bravo." Clay spat, "But I'm not a new guy, so you can stop treating me like one."

"Wow. Look at this." I walked around the table to him, turning my hat backwards as I got close, "The millennial snowflake just seems to have all the answers."

"No." Clay looked at me as I stopped toe to toe with him, "I just know you don't have any."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." Clay wasn't backing down, "I don't see what she could see in you anyways. She could do better."

And that got a rise, my nostrils flair and both Trent and Brock were waiting for the first swing.  _ **He didn't just...**_ Trent clears his throat as the door opened and ray walked in to grab something. The noise drew his attention to us obviously but heads.

"Oh. We got a problem?" He looks at us.

I might be an inch under Spencer, having to look up slightly at him but I was definitely his senior and was tired of him questioning me.

"No, we are good, Senior Chief." I spoke without breaking contact with the kid.

"We're closing in on the guy who ordered the hit on our brothers, and you two are more concerned with marking territory? Listen to me." He notices we weren't lightening up, "Hey! Put it away now. After we get Ghani in the ground, in a cell, you two still want to go at it, we'll settle it in the ring."

"That works for me." Clay challenged.

"Anytime, anywhere." I stood my ground.

"Okay." Ray turned and left. 

I stepped back as he did, both of us turning our own ways and ignoring the other.  ** _That kid has some nerve... He has no right to bring Saxon into this._**

If the tension with the kid wasn't bad enough, we were pulled back when we got to the choppers. A small delay and Jace blowing up on the CIA later, we were back on set. Team moving in for a quick and dirty capture, to fulfill revenge. The hike into spot was easy, but before we could move in there was fire. Everyone hit the ground and returned gun fire as we struggled to stay. That's when Jason seen our Target leave out the back, I knew what he was going to do and I was going to back him up. 

"I'm going after him." Jason called on the com and I was right behind him, "Rolling with you, boss!"

"Let's go! I'm ending this!" Jason called.

"This isn't the way, Jace!" Ray responded knowing it was no use.

"Are you gonna cover us or what?" 

That was the end of that fight, me and Jason were on the move. We slid down the small hill and made a run for the back of the shack to follow, making it close behind when we got word they stopped moving. With mortar fire around us, we ran quick and then it blurred out. In one second, my vision was in and out of focus. Body stiff, ears ringing.... All I knew was I caught air before slamming into the dirt. Jace checked on me but I sent him on, we had to finish this.  _ **Focus... Focus... Pull it in man. Your just dinged up, not out. You promised one piece for Saxon, she's going to get you back in one piece.**_ I try to move for cover, managing to stand and walk towards the hill when a shot beside me made me drop the gun and struggle for better coverage. Three gunmen approaching, I pulled my pistol and was preparing to shoot. A silent prayer on my lips hoping Saxon can forgive me as one piece might be off....

Down dropped a gunner. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, then the other two drop. My hand was still shaking as I slowly dropped the pistol as clay spoke on the com.

"BRAVO 3, you're clear to move."

I leaned back as I felt the familiar metallic taste in my mouth. The small spray left my mouth during my struggle to catch my breath. A small smile broke through the pain as I replied.

"Good shootin kid."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

_**Present** _

* * *

Kyle told me to take a break. The way my gut was feeling, he knew I needed it. He trusted it as much as I do. I sat in the backroom a moment, catching my breath before giving up and going home. I threw my stuff to the side and dropped on the bed, bouncing softly as I held my phone tight in my hands waiting for a call. I know if anything happened, the team would call before suits show up to tell me. 

It must've been hours because I was no longer breathing heavy and Tex was asleep beside me. Then the phone rang, the secured number line. I bit my lip and answered, worried sick. 

"Hello?"

"Saxon? It's Brock." He paused, "good news, bad news."

"What?"

"Which first?" 

"Bad." I sighed and waited.

"Sonny got hit while on an op but he is ok. Just a little shrapnel." He added quickly to stop me from freaking out, "good news, he's to dense to go for medical help so we are pulling it ourselves. Wanna watch?"

"God damn it." I chuckled and let a few tears of relief slip, "yeah, just don't tell him."

He switched it to a video call and ran out quickly, "Yo, yo, hold up. I'm inbound with video." I heard as Brock was running out into the daylight. 

I heard laughing then he turned the camera and I seen sonny laying on his bare chest in a chair with a shirt balled up in his hands. When they told me he was hit but ok, I wasn't expecting this.  _ **The crazy bastard, he won't even go for medical attention.**_ I scuffed as he glanced up but quickly looked back down, all the guys gathered around for the show.

"This is gonna hurt." Clay chuckled.

"Hold your breath." Trent added.

"That's some tough talk there, pretty boy." Sonny said to clay before clay stood up out of Sonny's view.

"All righty. Can't say I didn't warn you." 

"Enough talk. Let's get it on." Ray had on gloves and was reaching for a pair of tweezers.

"20 bucks he screams." Trent holds up the money and I hear Brock shoot him down quick.  _ **Smart choice, sonny is a huge whimp under all that bravado.**_

Brock leans in so I can see on the camera, ray went for a larger piece and immediatly you get sonny grunting.

"Damn it. Come on, Ray, go easy." Sonny spoke and was met with laughter, even a small chuckle from me.

"Trust me, brother." Ray started, "This is hurting me more than it's hurting you."

"You guys know, on our forward operating base, we do have these things called doctors, right?" Clay said as ray pulled the second piece to drop in the container.

"By the time that they pull all this frag out, and write up the paperwork and discharge me, you sons of bitches are gonna drink all the beer." Sonny let's out a small scream at the next piece pulled, followed by yelling, "Damn it!"

"My bad." Ray quickly offered up with laughter like the rest as I flinched watching, "My bad, my bad."

More screams from sonny as even I can't stop the laughter and cringing,  _ **He probably doesn't know they are recording this for me.**_

"I had a heavy hand, man, I'm sorry." Ray added after another piece was pulled.

Sonny was groaning in pain, but Spencer leaned in, "Ooh. Wait, hold on, hold on. We got a monster. Monster right here."

He leaned in and ray handed him the tweezers.

"Oh, yeah, that's good." Ray watched.

"Come and get this one off of my tweezer." Clay adds as he pulls it out easier then ray was.

Sommy was groaning like crazy, the laughter picking up again.

"Uh, dainty little touch there, Mr. Spenser." Sonny added and loosened his grip slightly on the seat and shirt, "There is no way that Stella would ever leave you for that professor."

It went silent a moment and I watched as clay paused. I felt like I missed something and it was confirmed when ray slipped in the question.

"We good here?"

Sonny looked over his shoulder at ray then clay. He made a fist and held it up and back for clay, "I'm good if we're good, Clay." 

Another small sitting silence and everyone watching, carefully examining clay before he nodded and bumped Sonny's fist.

"Yeah, we're golden."

I couldn't help it, I had to break the silence, "How cute... But your pushing that one piece remark."

Sonny turned his head the other way and Brock turned the phone around so sonny could see me, "you were watching this whole thing."

"What do you think?" I smirked as the guys chuckled.

Brock handed him the phone and everyone watched as the last few pieces were removed and he almost crushed the phone in his hand trying to talk to me.

"It's not as bad as it looks." He bit out.

"Yeah, it sounds much worse then it looks." I chuckled, "I always loved watching you scream."

"Not funny." He groaned.

"Oh but it is." I smiled as they removed the last piece and cleaned up his back.

"Ok, I need to change and sleep." He groaned again getting up, "thanks assholes."

"You could be nicer, at least they didn't have to clean your ham." I watched his eyes roll, "besides, I could use a chat with you."

"You got some explaining to do." Ray smirked and everyone laughed, "later Saxon."

"I'm in deep shit." Sonny walked in the barracks and slowly put on a shirt, "gonna read me the riot act."

"Never, your stupid ass wouldn't understand it." 

He laughed but laid back, holding the phone up to continue talking, "do you want the details?"

"No, doesn't help." 

"You know I love you." He smiled, "and I'm still in one piece."

"Yeah but, you have small pieces of that nice metal they pulled out of you. You gonna keep some and make me a necklace out of it too?" 

He shook his head, "if you want. I mean I have some time now that we revenged echo."

"That's good. I hope it helps their families, even though I know better." I looked down at Tex snoring.

"I'm fine. A couple holes, they'll heal." 

"They always do." I wiped a tear and unfortunately he seen.

"I promise i'm ok." He pushed, "don't you dare shead a tear for me sweetheart."

"I know... Can't help it. I was at the bar and I... I uhhh..." I looked up and took a deep breath, "I had one of my gut feelings. It was horrible and Kyle made me go home. I laid here waiting and praying you were ok because of it."

"You still have that sixth sense." He dropped his grin a little, "if it helps I don't try to hurt myself."

"You're an asshole sonny." I blinked back some tears, "but I love you."

"I love you more." He smiled.

"I love you most." I watched him bring the phone closer to his face.

"You really did save me sax, Everytime I think about you even when you were gone.... You helped me push through."

I dropped my head, "you really are gonna make me cry."

"I'm sorry." He sighed, "I always loved holding you when you cried. Force of habit to be too sweet to cause it."

"I love you sonny.... Please just stay in one piece."

"I promise. Love you." 

He hung up and I sighed in relief before cuddling into Tex and sleeping. At least it was a little restful.


	8. Listen to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and sax have a small fight

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was noon, middle of the day when sonny Said he wanted to chat. I rolled my eyes but answered as he called me. I was about to head to work, a restless night making me cling to the sheets to get a extra few hours... A waste of time seeing as my brain wouldn't rest. I had just tugged on jeans and a loose red shirt, my leather jacket on the chair with my keys in the pocket... Or well, his keys. I was taking his baby to work, because she needs a good ride now and then when he's gone. As I lifted up the phone, the screen went to his face as he sat on his bunk.

"We'll look at you, a regular Scarface." I smiled as he shook his head.

"I got injured and you make jokes about it." He smiled as I answered.

"Yeah, what else am I suppose to do." You rolled your eyes, "gesh, I thought it was just surface wounds not a brain injury."

"Cute." He sighed, "where you headin?"

"Work. It's nice out with no chance of rain, so your baby is going to ride your baby." I winked, "by the way, she purs better for me."

He looked down shaking his head, "don't you go corrupting my baby now. I'm the only one that can ride her."

"Sure, I'll prove you wrong right after you hang up." I stepped out the back door and sat on the edge of the deck steps, "so, what's up? Just a social call."

"Yeah, thought I could use a friendly face after the guys kept ragging on me." 

"And you thought I would be friendly?" I winked, "what is it this time?"

"Injury. Telling me to be celibate and shit." He leaned back, "constantly now."

"First it's abstinence. Celibate is marriage and sex like a priest." I looked over at the dog as he took off running, "which you can't do because it's both and we all know you and sex. Second, you better not be cheating on me."

It was meant as a joke, that's all I meant. Then he took me by surprise, I couldn't tell if he was jesting or not.

"It's deployment, you know how it is over here."

I looked down and bit my lip, wanting nothing more then to ignore the comment. I wanted to ignore it, I really did, But I couldn't. My lips split, sucking in air before whipping my head up.

"And you know how I am." I challenged.

The mood went tense, he had to have felt it now. My tone was more ridged then I wanted but I was feeling hurt, it was sudden and I didn't think. His face turned, his profile no better then the head on version that was there before.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I kn..."

He cut me off, "like I would ever cheat on you."

I bit my lip hard, closing my eyes and trying not to spit back the venom in my head. I shook my head and hung up. My phone was dropped beside me as I ran my hands over my hair. I held my head, taking deep breaths as it started ringing again. I looked down and seen the secured number, picking it up and pocketing it. I whistled and motioned Tex back inside as I got on Sonny's bike and took the long way to work... I need air and a level head, only one of those I could achieve quickly.

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I tried calling back as I seen the screen drop the call. No answer telling me she ended it and the conectconn was fine. I wanted to punch the wall, to dive right into a fight to get her out of my head.... A fight wasn't what I wanted but I could never step out on Saxon. With or without her word, I couldn't do it.

"Why does this always happen?" I asked out loud to the empty room.

Me and sax always fought, but it was never this intense. We had limits, lines that couldn't move.... This was something else.  _ **Did she really think I would cheat on her? She couldn't of.... She knows I wouldn't. Why the hell would she say that?**_ I was busy in my head, I never heard the door. But I certainly heard the boots and a voice as I threw my pillow across the room.

"Everything ok?"

"Hell no." I closed my eyes, "what the hell do you want kid?"

 "I was going to say hi to Saxon, ask her to check on Stella. " He shrugged, "obviously I came at a bad time."

He looked for a second, I was about to snap then he just left. I was so furious I couldn't think straight. I was just laying there until trent pulled me for the op. My head wasn't completely clear but, I didn't have an option. I had to forget about Saxon, I had to block her out of my head.

* * *

We get back from the op, a twist left the whole team in danger. We made it out alive, but I have a feeling I won't get far before Jace is grabbing me for a talk. I didn't screw the op, I just didn't catch it right away. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I closed my eyes.

"We need to talk."

"Ok." I turned to face him, "let's here it."

"What happened back there?" Jason was staring me down.

"I didn't catch the guy on the left. Gunfire makes it hard to see sometimes."

"Hey." He pulled me closer to his face, "people could've got killed."

"I didn't start the gun fight boss." I glared at him, he knew he took the blame on that, "I also wasn't the only one that screwed up."

"We all made mistakes, I get it... But something is up with you." He tipped his head, "how are you and sax?"

I knocked his hand of my neck and turned away from him. **_I don't need to talk to him. I need to talk to sax. I need to fix it not publicize the fight..... Is it a fight? She just hung up before we really talked.... It was a fight, right?_** I turned back around as he stepped closer.

"I hit the nail on the head with that one." He sighed, "what happened?"

"Nothing."

 "Try again." He blocked me from walking back to my bunk.

"I don't have to talk to you Jason, I don't need to tell the whole base." 

He nodded, "follow me."

I followed him back to his quarters and he asked ray to step out. He shut the door and nodded.

"Ok then, it's between us now. No one else can hear it." 

"There's nothing to talk about." I shook my head.

"Obviously there is. Come on man." He sat down, "just talk to me."

"Sax hung up on me." I shrugged, "in the middle of our call while I was talking, she hung up."

"Maybe it was a bad con..."

I cut him off, "she didn't answer on the call back or phone call."

"Ok." He looked me over, "it was something you said."

"I know." I leaned against the wall, "it was a stupid joke."

"One of your normal jokes?"

"I think she took it wrong. It's ridiculous." I sighed, "the guys were joking about me needing to be celibate and I was telling her when it happened."

"You're not..." He stopped, "you aren't that dumb."

"No. I would never cheated on sax."

He nodded, "we'll go fix it. I need your head clear for our next op."

I nodded, "so I'm free to go then?"

He pointed to the door and I walked out, I had to get a hold of her.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was sitting at work in the office, my head cloudy as I was going over the bills and order reviews. My sour mood was clear when I came in, no one asked. I don't blame them, I would be scared about how I would react too. A knock drew my attention, Kyle stood in the doorway.

"So.... What's wrong with you?"

"A stupid fight." I waved my hand to brush him off, "it's nothing. I'm going to fix it later."

"Good, the girls were scared you would snap and attack them." He smirked.

"Nah, not big enough fight." I chuckled with him as he motioned me out.

"Come on, let's get out there."

I rolled my eyes and went out to help at the bar, passing time till my phone rang. I missed it due to a customer but smiled when I seen the secured number.  _ **Thank god sonny isn't to mad... I need to talk to him.**_ I was about to call when one of the band guys ran over.

"Hey sax, how about a song? Your choice." He waited as I smiled and nodded.

"Give me five, I got the perfect one." I waited till he ran off to send the message.

I stood a moment as they played through a song, I got a reply and seen the video call trying to connect. I turned to Kyle and pulled him aside.

"Do me a big favor, record my performance." 

He raised a brow, "it's a video call..."

I was up at the stage before he could object and the call connected. He said something to the phone but flipped the screen to see me on stage. I took a deep breath as the music started nice and slow.  _ **My old apology style, singing for him.**_ I looked out at the crowd but focused on the phone in Kyle's hand.

_"When, when we came home._  
_Worn to the bones._  
_I told myself, "this could get rough"._  
_And when, when I was off, which happened a lot._  
_You came to me and said, "that's enough"._

_Oh I know that this love is pain._  
_But we can't cut it from out these veins, no."_

I closed my eyes and belted it out.

_"So I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors._  
_We ain't leaving this room 'til we bust the mold._  
_Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes._  
_They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight."_

The music dropped down again. A smile on my face as people whistled and clapped along at parts. I just hoped this would be good enough for sonny so we didn't have to say that word.

_"When, when you came home._  
_Worn to the bones._  
_I told myself, "this could be rough"._

_Oh, I know you're feeling insane._  
_Tell me something that I can explain, oh._

_I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors._  
_Tell me all of the things that you couldn't before._  
_Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes._  
_They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight._  
_If this love is pain, well darling, let's hurt, oh tonight."_

I but my lip as the music dropped again. The soft ending hitting the right somber notes.  _ **Keep your head in it... Finish strong.**_

_"So you hit the lights and I'll lock the doors._  
_Let's say all of the things that we couldn't before._  
_Won't walk away, won't roll my eyes._  
_They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight._  
_If this love is pain, then honey let's love tonight."_

I pulled my head up straighter as everyone clapped and I bowed out, getting off the small stage and walking straight to Kyle. He handed over the phone and I seen sonny laying back... He had watched the whole thing. I nodded to Kyle and stepped outside, finally hearing the other side of the call clearly. There was clapping and cheering as I stopped out front in the quiet night air. 

"Wait a minute, who all heard that?" I was now concerned, I thought it was just sonny.

"My boys." He smirked, "they loved the show."

"You're an asshole." I rolled my eyes, "my favorite pain in the ass."

He smiled big at that, "love you too... Ready to talk."

"Yeah, maybe a little more private." 

I waited for him to slowly get up, a deep grimace in his features as he pushed through the pain to get up and step outside for the privacy, "if your outside, I'll join ya."

"So... About earlier." I started but he stopped me.

"I went to far on the joke." He sighed, "you know I would never cheated on you."

"Yeah, I know." I smiled, "I shouldn't of hung up on you."

"I would've done it to you." He shrugged, "you talk to much."

"And end." I pretended to hit the end button as he chuckled, "no, seriously though."

"We are really bad about the whole relationship thing." He did a quick look around, "I guess the sex is what keeps us together."

"Careful there, I see another fight going down that line." I rolled my eyes, "fights aren't so bad."

"Really? I thought fights were bad for the relationship."

"When I'm fighting with you, I'm really fighting for you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't do it." I spoke smoothly as he looked back at me, "if I don't care, that's when it's a problem and we fall apart."

"Love you too." He whispered.

I wiped a tear and looked down, "we're good?"

"Yeah... Of course." His throat cleared, "look up. Come on, look at me."

I looked at him, I felt like a child in trouble at school again. He just stared at me a moment.

"You know I love you, even when we fight." He kept watching as I nodded, "sax, talk to me here."

"I love you too sonny."

He cracked a smile, "then let's end it here so we don't start another argument. See ya tomorrow."

"Later sonny." 

I watched the screen go black and closed my eyes,  _ **Everything is good... You two are good.**_ I went back in to finish my shift, my spirits back up.


	9. Special delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax sends somny a care package

One thing that was less common around the bases military was stationed in, mail. With computers and phones making it easier to communicate with loved ones back home, but sonny and saxon weren't normal. Because they made a promise when he went off on deployment, he would write a letter and send it to her once she sent him a gift.... And a few more letters. Sax was a little old fashion like that, the one thing she loved about deployment. Her mom would send her letters and care packages, a Walkman and cassette of some of her favorite songs with the first one being 'letters from home'. She promised sonny it would be his turn now. And after a month, the package was due to arrive at any time. Sax gave sonny the heads up and was waiting for him to finally get it and open it. 

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

It was noon when a knock gained our attention. All the guys looked at the door as it opened and a box was walked in.

"Mr. Quinn, you got a package." The kid dropped it at the edge of my bunk.

He scurried off, I sat up as everyone watched. I picked up the decent sized box, smiling as i cut the tape. Opening one flap and picking up the letter taped to it. Moving slowly I opened the envelope and smiled as everyone started watching me. 

"Ohhhhh... What did we get?" Trent raised a brow.

"We? It's mine ya'll. I'm not sharing." I chuckled as I pulled out the few papers folded over, "ok, first page says read out loud this page only."

They all leaned in closer, then I started, "hey everyone! I sent over a few treats and don't let sonny fool you, they are for everyone."

"Knew it." Clay chuckled with everyone.

"I shouldn't of read it out loud." I shrugged, "what do we got."

I started to pull everything out, a few packages of snacks for everyone. A pack of cookies and brownies, a little fudge, and some trail mix. I sat them to the side to put back in the box afterwards. Next was a Walkman and a cassette case, marked with my name so I knew not to share it. Next pulled out was a photo of us right before deployment, and at the bottom was a powder alcohol mix that was covered up by a Post-It taped to the bag saying 'lemon-ade mix'. Everyone had there laughs, and I smiled big as I pulled a bone out with a bow on it for Cerberus too.

"That's the end of it. You guys just get some food." I pushed that back into the box before they go outside with the "lemonade mix". 

I leaned back on my bunk, watching cerberCe chew on his bone while I pulled out the photo and other pages of the letter. The Walkman beside me with the first tape in, that would come next since I knew what the first tape would be. I opened the pages up again, looking them over as I smiled.

> _ To my sweet sonny, _
> 
> _ I know deployment is going to be hard on us, it was a nightmare even when we were together. To much work before, way to much distance now. Which is also why I didn't want you reading this out loud, it's a little sappy. I miss you so much more now that it's been a while, the celebration of you leaving finally soured out. Walking around naked in my home was better when you were there to catch me. _ _  I am starting to get better sleeping alone so when you come back you'll be on the couch or your snoring will keep me up, this is a promise by the way. I promise you'll sleep on your couch the first night home, I'll make sure of it. But Besides the very quiet home, everything is good. Tex has taken to the home well and cerberus  _ _ will probably love him. The bar is turning a good profit and I even started to get guess performers in. I know it's only a couple months you are gone but I still wish you were here. I don't want to miss out on the new beginning for us, or miss out on you.  _
> 
> _ Love, Saxon _

I smiled as I read it, _**scatter brained like she had a tendency to be.**_ I picked up the Walkman and started it as I stared at the photo of us. We were laying in bed, cuddled up tight under the blankets. It clicked softly then her sweet voice filled my ears.

> "This is DJ Saxon Reigns from rainy old Virginia Beach. If you listen close you can hear the rain on the time roof." She paused so I could hear it softly in the background, "I hope you are enjoying the sun, sand and explosions of J-Bad. Just in case you are feeling a little home sick, click this on and my soothing voice will guide you through one of my favorite playlists. First up is Letters from home by John Michael Montgomery. Fun fact about this classic country hit, it was the second song that made me want to become a seal."

I smiled as the music started, Saxon always did have that cheesey side of her. It was cute and one of the many things I loved about her. Strong, defiant, but such a cheesy lovey girl. She hides it well, but then again, people say it of me too. They never pictured me as a mushy type, but around sax I almost seem like a different guy. As the song ended, she came back on.

> "Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes that is the song my mom always sent me but no, it's not the song that made me want to join. That one was much more touching, more odd I guess seeing as I don't think I ever told you this unless we were both drunk one night and it slipped out...." 

She sighed and I smiled as I said the next part with the recording, "In color by Jamey Johnson."

> * * *
> 
> **_Flashback_ **
> 
> _Her hair was hidden under my baseball cap. Sax had stole it and mangaged to keep it from me so I let her have it. She looked so proud, I didn't want to burst her bubble as we laid in the back of her truck. She sat on my lap, straddling me but facing away from me. I leaned back and pulled the whisky bottle from her, her head falling back against my chest as she sighed and looked up at the stars with me._
> 
> _"Why did you join?"_
> 
> _It came out of nowhere really, took me by sirsurpr but she seemed a little distant looking at the stars. I figured she had a little to much._
> 
> _"I don't know for sure... I guess because I wanted to be Batman."_
> 
> _She giggled and kissed my arm as it snaked up to hold her still on my chest._
> 
> _"Seriously? I was hoping for more insight." She rolled her eyes, "In color."_
> 
> _"What?" I looked at her as she tipped her head to look at me._
> 
> _"The song, in color. That's why I joined. I had relatives that served and went to funerals for them all the time. My dad and brother are war buffs but never served... Then I heard that song from my grandpa after his brother died. It just stuck with me." She closed her eyes, "If it looks like we were scared to death, Like a couple of kids just trying to save each other. You should've seen it in color."_
> 
> _I smiled as she kept humming it till she fell alseep. We slept right there, under a blanket in the back of her truck in a park near base... It would've been perfect if we didn't get called in._
> 
> * * *
> 
> "I know it sounds stupid but, it's true. That song just stuck with me." 

I could just imagine her rubbing her neck and blushing.  _ **You are something else miss Saxon, I knew it then.**_ I closed my eyes as the song started playing.

> _I said grandpa whats this picture here_  
>  _Its all black and white_  
>  _It ain't real clear is that you there?_  
>  _He said yeah I was eleven_
> 
> _Times were tough back in '35_  
>  _That's me and uncle Joe just tryin' to survive_  
>  _A cotton farm, in a great depression._
> 
> _If it looks like we were scared to death_  
>  _Like a couple of kids just trying to save each other_  
>  _You should've seen it in color._

I almost could see her humming it against my chest and singing it. Strangely, she was a remarkable singer even when she was drunk.... I heard the words, but it was her voice in my ears.

> _Oh and this one here was taken over seas_  
>  _In the middle of hell in 1943_  
>  _In the winter time, you can almost see my breath_
> 
> _That was my tail gunner ole Johnny Magee_  
>  _He was a high school teacher from New Orleans_  
>  _And he had my back right through the day we left._
> 
> _If it looks like we were scared to death_  
>  _Like a couple of kids just trying to save each other_  
>  _You should've seen it in color._
> 
> _A pictures worth a thousand words_  
>  _But you cant see what those shades of gray keep covered_  
>  _You should've seen it in color_

I was invisioning her now, laying on top of me as we stayed in the bunk to relax. Her arms tangled around me, mine in hers. The cassette her mom sent her playing as her hair was down for the first time in days, fresh from the shower so she has the sweet floral smell drifting off her as she sang it to me. I know this never happened, but I wished it did. I wish she was here and I wish she was singing it.

> _This one is my favorite one._  
>  _This is me and grandma in the summer sun_  
>  _All dressed up the day we said our vows._  
>  _You can't tell it here but it was hot that June_  
>  _And that rose was red and her eyes were blue_  
>  _And just look at that smile I was so proud._  
>  _That's the story of my life right there in black and white_
> 
> _If it looks like we were scared to death_  
>  _Like a couple of kids just trying to save each other_  
>  _You should've seen it in color._
> 
> _A pictures worth a thousand words_  
>  _But you cant see what those shades of gray keep covered_  
>  _You should have seen it in color._
> 
> _You should have seen it in color_
> 
> _Yeah a pictures worth a thousand words_  
>  _But you cant see what those shades of gray keep covered_  
>  _You should have seen it in color_

I opened my eyes and seen ray leaning at the door, "care package from sax?"

Ishut the tape off before she could start talking about the next song, "yeah, she's something."

He chuckled and motioned to sit, my nod telling him to, "how are you two? First time with the deployment in separation."

"It feels wrong." I sat up, "I keep feeling like she is gonna walk in here and tell me to stop being a slob."

"Well you should, clay is new here and I don't want him taking after you with that." He deadpanned as I chuckled, "but if it makes you feel better, it does feel off not having her or Nate here. Especially since she's been back around."

"Having the old gang back together," i gritted my teeth, "definitely feeling worse now."

"Come on, briefing." He got up, "they won't let me leave your stupid ass behind."

I chuckled and got up, slipping the photo on the wall by my pillow and putting the tape recorder under the pillow. The letter was slipped between boards underneath, hiding it better then the record since I knew she would hate them finding it more. I rushed off to the briefing and on an op. Knowing I can finish it later, and call sax to let her know how much I loved it.

* * *

After the OP was done, every came back and relaxed for about an hour. The day mission turned up a promising lead, a night hit that was pending approval and should have no problem being green lit. The guys were outside again, so I took the chance to sit on the bunk and finish the tape.... At least side one.

> "And welcome back to the lonely hearts club. This next one is for all you women out their waiting on your soldier to come home." She chuckled, "never thought I'd be on this side of it sonny, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be left behind to worry and pray for the best. So here's travelin soldier by the Dixie chicks."
> 
> _Two days past eighteen_  
>  _He was waiting for the bus in his army green_  
>  _Sat down in a booth in a cafe there_  
>  _Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair_  
>  _He's a little shy so she gives him a smile_  
>  _And he said, "Would you mind sittin' down for a while_  
>  _And talking to me?_  
>  _I'm feeling a little low."_  
>  _She said, "I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go."_  
>    
>  _So they went down and they sat on the pier_  
>  _He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care_  
>  _I got no one to send a letter to_  
>  _Would you mind if I sent one back here to you_

The song started playing, making me think of what she must be doing right now.  _ **Her hair in a messy bun dancing in the kitchen as she sings and cooks. One of my shirts and a pair of panties, just like when we first started dating. I can almost smell her perfume, that natural musk smell she had after we stayed up all night.**_ I smiled, thinking about her always did that with me.

> _So the letters came from an army camp_  
>  _In California then Vietnam_  
>  _And he told her of his heart_  
>  _It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of_  
>  _He said, "When it's getting kinda rough over here,_  
>  _I think of that day sittin' down at the pier._  
>  _And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile._  
>  _Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile."_  
>    
>  _I cried_  
>  _Never gonna hold the hand of another guy_  
>  _Too young for him they told her_  
>  _Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier_  
>  _Our love will never end_  
>  _Waitin' for the soldier to come back again_  
>  _Never more to be alone when the letter said_  
>  _A soldier's coming home_

It was crazy, so often I thought the same thing as sax. She would be by my side fighting the whole time. After everything happened, I didn't want to see the signs or believe she would leave. Truth was, I knew it was coming and just didn't believe she actually would. And Everytime I thought about it, I remember her saying she couldn't take it. That she couldn't stand by waiting on me or the news I was killed.

> _One Friday night at a football game_  
>  _The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang_  
>  _A man said, "Folks would you bow your heads_  
>  _For a list of local Vietnam dead."_  
>  _Crying all alone under the stands_  
>  _Was a piccolo player in the marching band_  
>  _And one name read but nobody really cared_  
>  _But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair_

I fast forward through the rest, part of me wanting to break down and cry. Somehow sax always did this to me, she was too sweet and made me a soft teddy bear. Clicking play as she spoke again.

> "If your still listening, you know I love you sonny. Your the Clyde to my Bonnie and the Johnny to my June. Not the best couples to relate us to but they are the most fitting, criminal and badass."

I chuckled, dropping my head as it went silent on the tape.

> "And if I know you like I think I do, you just laughed at that. Best intro to our love song, you save me by Kenny Chesney."

The music started and I smiled.  ** _Our song. The song playing when we met at the bar. The one danced to under the stars. The sweet melody you hum and sway to when you think I'm not paying attention.... The music of our life._** I loved hearing this song when we were together, apart just wasn't the same. Apart I felt alone hearing it. My partner in crime wasn't here with me.

> _"_ I love you sonny, sorry to get gushy but if you keep listening to this it won't get better. We have a go ten songs left at least." 

I leaned back and sighed, I was in for the long run.  ** _I promise to call you tomorrow. I don't have long and this is more then enough of you for the moment, won't cloud my mind during the mission._** I closed my eyes for a second but turned it off before the next song could continue. I slipped it away before walking off to the team, with a small distraction. I wasn't far along when I seen Shahpur playing with a soccer ball. 

"Hey kid, pass it here." I motioned him to kick it to me and I kicked it back, poorly.

The kid laughed and I motioned, "I slipped, again."

He kicked it to me and it was worse then last time. He laughed harder and I rolled my eyes.

"You sound like my girlfriend, making fun of my every kick." I go to walk on when he kicked it to me again.

I turned and kicked it back, he returned it much better then I could. I chuckled softly and started to play along, even as the time slipped by and the OP would be running soon. It felt natural, like playing catch with my dad when I was younger.

"Shahpur!" Dorri stepped out of the little tent that we were able to get them for helping us and giving more names then we needed to hit, "oh."

She stopped and I waved, "sorry, just passin the soccer ball."

I kicked it back as he looked at his sister and said something I didn't understand. She smiled and nodded.

"Football. It's a foot ball." She corrected me, "and I'm sorry but it's time for us to eat."

I nodded and he kicked the ball back to me, I picked it up and walked it over to him, "then you should go eat little buddy. Grow big and strong and all those things."

He smiled and waved as I turned around to walk away. I heard a little more talking then they both waved and yelled bye. Before I got more then a few feet, I seen ray and Jason standing there watching me. I blinked, waiting for it.

"Did we just see sonny talking to the kids?" Ray looked a little surprised.

"I think he's going soft on us. I'm concerned for Saxon, she's never going to be done with kids if he stays like this." Jason smiled.

"Shut up." I walked by hoping my beard hid my crimson cheeks.

"Sonny really wants kids." They said in unison as they walked behind him.

"Shut up."

I walked away, a small grin trying to be hidden.  _ **Kids wouldn't be bad. Skip the diapers and shit changing part.... It wouldn't be so bad.**_


	10. Miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax tries to distract herself and sonny struggles with a mission.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was trying to find something to do. Kyle threw me out of the bar for a few days, I spent yesterday at home and almost died of boredom..... I had to do something. Lesson number one of being a military spouse, distract yourself when they are on deployment. But the again, the only people you really knew were married when you were on the team and they had kids. They said to lean on each other, but after everything happened I was scared to reach out. I still felt like a traitor, no matter what everyone else said. I was about to take Tex on another walk when my phone dinged and I jumped to answer it.

> **_Stella:_ ** _Hey, can we hang out? I need to talk with someone._

I frowned,  _ **Stella needs to talk? Maybe a half way mark would be barrable.**_

> **_Sax:_ ** _Yeah, halfway would be a little diner. They have seats outside, see you at noon._

I grabbed the keys and whistled as Tex came running out the door infront of me. I locked up, opening the truck door and smiling as he hopped up. I cracked the window, finding a good gap so he could stick his head out but not come close to falling out. I had the leash on him just in case, locked into the seat belt to keep him in. Next I got in and started the drive, window down and glasses on. It felt good, a sweet freedom that came with having a vehicle with no where to go and no time limit. I hit the radio and set the cruise, relaxing back into the seat as the highway guilded me. Tex was enjoying the whole ride, taking his chance to soak up the wind and sun as we drove north. 

In no time, we pulled up to the diner and I tied Tex to my chair outside and ordered a little food. I glanced over and seen Stella pulling in, she walked over and sat down. I didn't know her extremely well but she seemed off, part of me was curious as to what brought her to text me for this meeting.

"Hi Stella." I smiled as she sat down.

"Hey sax," she asked for a water, "glad you could make it."

"Always find time for friends." I smiled as the food and drinks were brought over. 

The waitress sat down a bowl of water for Tex and a small paper plate with some sausage on it. I thanked her again and scratched his back as he started to Chow down on the food. Stella gave him a pat before starting to play with her water glass,  _ **She's clearly distracted.**_ I blinked and decided to break the silence.

"So what's up? Why didja call?"

"Can you keep a secret?" She still wasn't looking up.

"If you mean will you not tell sonny, yeah I can hide stuff from sonny. Why? What's up?" I took a small bite as she slowly looked up.

"I'm not sure about me and clay. The distance is hard and I'm not use to a boyfriend being out of state let alone out of country." She bit her lip, "and I think he's getting paranoid."

"It happens. When your on deployment and have someone back home, you start to wonder. So many guys come home to a wife that stepped out because of loneliness... Sadly, some people can't help but think about it." I noticed she looked away again,  _ **She didn't...**_

"yeah I get it, it's just stupid but..."

"You feel lonely and like he's never coming back." I blinked and she was nodding.

"I mean he was already shot and this was just to serious to quick. He even proposed to me after he was shot." 

"Sadly i seen that a lot too." I shrugged, "he's just worried about you. He wants someone to come home too."

She nodded and stared at Tex, "yeah, I want him to come home."

"He will. They all will." I reached over and squeezed her hand, "they always do. Stop worrying as much and start planning how to welcome him home. Arms wide open and an unconditional love kinda thing."

She smiled and looked at me, "this is unbelievable. I never imagined this happening to me."

"Wait till you guys see each other again, good bet he wants to propose again." I joked before hitting the hard one, "so how is everything. I mean with the loneliness."

She obviously knew what I met, she looked oddly calm, "it's going."

"Ok, no judgement and no talking outside of this meeting. Did you...?" 

"No." She interrupted, "at least not yet." 

"Is it that professor?" I held firm as not to look like I was judging her tone and decisions.

She nodded, "yeah. We had drinks and he... But I said no. I left.... But I wanted to."

I nodded, "I get it. I understand. I've been there before."

"Have you?" She was looking for me to budge. 

"Yeah. After the accident I-i was stuck at home and my team of brothers were off working. Sonny wasn't home and we hadn't been physical because I couldn't wrap my mind around it after I was cleared. Obviously he wasn't jumping to either and I had a chance." I made sure she was looking at me, making eye contact, "This guy was interested and I almost went with it. He didn't seem bothered by the tattoo or scars he could see and I almost walked away with him. But I couldn't bring myself to cheat on sonny even if we weren't both in it. Then I left him abruptly and ruined it all anyways."

It went quiet and I think she got it. She was thinking about it but we ended with a softer conversation before parting ways. It was going by quickly, the drive home and hopefully a call to sonny. I promised I wouldn't tell, so I wouldn't but I wanted to so bad. Clay deserved to know.

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I was sitting in the briefing room, the whole squad with me as we sat there. We had something, obviously not the op we wanted but we waited to find out. 

"Morning, everybody." Mandy starts.

"Good morning." Everyone says in slow delay as we turn our attention to her.

"First things first, as of a few hours ago, the target package on Salim Hakan is officially in the pipeline." 

We all whooped and gave small cheers as Jason walked up towards her.

"Hey, what did, uh, Belding say?"

"I'm sure you can imagine." She have a small smirk.

"Oh, I'm imagining, all right." He smiled back, "I'm imagining the whole thing right now."

He took his seat at the front of the table with a cup of coffee.

"Anyway, he passed it up the chain. But keep in mind, it took over 200 days to get approval for the Bin Laden op. Salim Hakan's been ingratiating himself with American brass for years now, so we may be waiting on a green light for a while." 

"How the hell is it I ended up in such a bureaucracy?" I asked as I caught a football ray had tossed over.

"So, nothing to do but wait, wait, wait." Jace sighed.

"Yeah, something tells me we'll find a way to keep busy." Eric spoke as he walked towards the back of the room.

"Delegation of congressmen and DoD officials arriving in J-Bad tonight. Part of a publicity tour highlighting infrastructure improvements and growing stabilization in the region." Davis offers up as she took her spot at the front of the room.

 _ **Babysitting.**_ "Okay. Wait for it. Don't tell me." I started to lean back and raise my hands as everyone laughed, "Hey, Blackburn, please. Give me a buzzkill."

"We will be doing security." He answered me.

"Ah, come on, man." I groaned.

"Keep them from getting blown all to hell in the middle of this stabilizing region." Clay slowly rubbed his face.

"Yeah, that would be embarrassing." Ray nods and raises his hand for me to toss the ball back.

"Well, the delegation is scheduled to visit Forogh Curative Hospital, Downtown Jalalabad." Davis moved on.

"What time do they touch down?" Jace asked as ray caught the ball.

"I'm gonna meet them at the airfield, bring them back here to meet you all, and then show them to their quarters." Davis shook her head as ray passed the ball to Trent in the back.

"Any chance this group is better than the last group we had to babysit?" I asked with a little hope and sarcasm mixed.

"You really think politicians get successful by listening to people?" Jace sighed and raised his hands to catch the ball tossed back.

"No." Ray gave quickly.

"Nope." I added along with Spencer.

* * *

 It was a little while later when Davis got back with the group. Jason and ray stood by with the rest of us watching the humvees pull up. We waited as they got out and I seen the congressman.

"Oh, this guy." I mumbled.

"What, you know him?" Ray asked.

"I know of him." I straightened up making sure they didn't hear me.

"Anybody know where I can get a gun?" Davis mumbled as she walked by Jason over to our group.

"Was that bad?" Jace asked and gets a short groan.

The general got out and stretched slightly before walking over, "Commander Blackburn."

"General Cook." He shook his hand.

"Ms.Ellis."

Nice to see you again, sir." She shook his hand.

"And you must be..." He started but Jace interrupted.

"Master Chief Hayes, Sir." 

"I was gonna say the stubborn son of a bitch who almost got himself stranded in that house in Yemen." He shook his hand.

"Right, something like that, sir.' 

"That was a tough op."

"Yeah."

"Good to know we're in such capable hands."

"Yes."

I watched from the other side of the group, wanting to walk away.

"Gentlemen." The general called over our guests, "Congressman David Alper. Secretary Benjamin Reed."

"Master Chief Hayes, sir." Jace offered his hand to shake, "How you doing? Welcome."

He stepped back and looked to his left at us in waiting by, "This here is, uh, Bravo Team. We're here to keep you safe."

"Hope you make that easier than it sounds." The congressman starts.

"Driving around in an armored convoy in J-Bad isn't exactly inconspicuous, sir." Ray finished.

"Ah, it's like wearing Mets gear to a Phillies game." Jace offered.

"Crimson to the Yale Bowl." The secretary offered back with a smile.

"Right." Jace chuckled, "something like that. Okay. Um, so, we'll keep it real simple. You're not in Washington anymore. You're in a war zone. Follow our instructions. If you don't, you're gonna get killed."

"All right, well, gentlemen, if you'll follow me, I'll show you to your accommodations." Eric took over and started to lead them away.

"What time do we leave in the morning?" He asked after the group cleared out so it was just the team waiting.

"We got to be at the hospital by 09:00, so I figure we take off around 07:30." Davis answered.

We all nodded.

"First time in a while you guys aren't gonna be working reverse schedule." Mandy smirked.

"Yeah, you know what? You guys want to make the most of this, uh, night off? I can get us some adult beverages. Bring 'em back here after I get our guests tucked in. That is, unless you'd rather just have a rest." Davis offered and we all went silent waiting for it.

"Nah, we're good." Jace chuckled as we all laughed.

We were off to drink and relax for a night. Everything seemed to be going good besides me losing a bet and getting chatter about a assassination attempt. We were feeling worse and worse about it, but it was our job. I brushed it off and decided to call sax after a while.  _ **I need a chat with a beautiful girl. I need to hear her sweet voice before I go to hell with this mission.**_

* * *

**_Sax_ **

* * *

I was barely awake, struggling to sleep when I got a call from sonny. I answered the phone and sat up groggy in bed.

"Hi."

"Hi beautiful, I know it's early but... We have babysitting duty today and I didn't want to miss our chat." He was chewing on something, I heard the small draw.

"Lovely, ruin my sleep." I smirked, "so babysitting?"

"Same bullshit." He groaned like he was stretching, "except now I am riding with the suits."

"Is jace trying to get you fired?"

"No I lost a bet with Davis. I tried to play quarters without looking." 

I broke down laughing, "dumbass." 

"Love you too sax." 

"Ok so, you're riding with suits on a babysitting mission. I'll see you at home sooner then I thought." I fell back on the bed as Tex jumped up with me, "how's everyone else?"

"Same old same old." There was a short pause, "I think the kid is a little paranoid about Stella tho."

"How so?"

"That professor she had drinks with. Same stuff as everyone else but Davis did do a small trade... Well offered and he looks like he might accept it." Sonny paused, "she looks into him and he checks out Danny's therapist she wasn't sure about."

"Did you try to get someone to look at me?" I joked.

"We'll why would I tell you? Does no good if you know someone is watching." I heard his chuckle and smiled.

"Didn't we have this agreement about fair notice?" I gave the little poke and waited for him to take the bait.

"Are you admitting to it?" I heard the small waver and knew he was playing along, his brow raise tone giving it away.

"Like I would tell you about stew... Oops." I smiled at his laughter.

"Stew? You could do better. I know I am better then him." 

"You don't know, stew could be six foot six and more muscle then you."

"And I would kick his ass for touching you." He had a small jealous tone, "murder is fine with me."

I broke down laughing and shook my head, "I miss you sonny."

"I miss you too sax." I heard a little noise in the background and then sonny put the phone on speaker, "hey speaking of the young gu...."

"Hey sax." Clay stopped sonny, "I was wondering if you could check in on Stella for me. She's been working later the past few nights and we haven't talked to much."

"Sure, i can tell you it's nothing to worry about." I lied, "just nerves."

"I said the same thing." Sonny added, "but we need to get going. Almost babysitting time."

"Later clay." I added, "love and miss you sonny. Come home safe now."

"Love you too sax, and I always miss you." He sighed, "tell stew I said hi and I'm coming for him."

I laughed as he hung up, "love you asshole. Why did I have to fall for you Quinn?"


	11. Free time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny bonds with the kids on his free time.

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I was on down time between OPs. With nothing to do, I started a walk to clear my head before calling sax up. I didn't want to interrupt her work again, or her sleep even if she said it was fine. So as I started to walk, I found myself in a familiar spot. A ball came over and stopped by my feet, I looked up to see Shahpur.

"You wanna play?" 

He nodded.

"Ok, let's see if I still got it." I picked up the ball just enough to drop on my foot and he bounced it back no problem, "ok, pretty good."

I go to repeat and he shook his head, "na! (No)."

I paused, watching as he shook his head and raised his hands.  _ **No hands. No hands in soccer.**_ I dropped the ball, then kicked it as he smiled and kicked it back. The laughter was enough for me to stay focused, I kept up this game until Dorri stepped out and started to watch.

"Hello." She watched as I kicked the ball back and shahpur kicked it right back for me to stop with my chest.

"Howdy."

 "Do you like foot ball?" She watched her brother run back and forth, giving me a run for my money.

"Not really, I'm more of an American foot ball guy." I gave a high kick and he still sent it back my way.

"You are pretty good."

"Not really, your brother is beating me." I chuckled as he sent the ball over my head.

"He just had more practice." She smiled as shuhpur celebrated my small defeat.

"Does he speak English?" I asked as she shook her head.

"I teach him a little but he is far from ready to speak. But he'll be good soon so we can go to America."

I gave a half-hearted smile, "maybe I can help. Worth a try?"

I picked up the ball and raised my hands so he knew I wasn't going to kick it, "my name is sonny. What's yours?"

He looked at his sister and she said a little bit then he answered, "shuhpur."

"Shuhpur. Good."

She said a slightly different version and he repeated it adding I, "sonny. Sonny."

I pointed at myself, "sonny."

He nodded, "sonny."

I held out the ball, "ball."

She went through and helped, by the end he was repeating it back and recognizing different things. I was proud of the little deed, it was sitting more then just good for me. I looked at the time and knew I had to leave to call sax before the mission, she worries if I don't check in. I worry if I don't check in. I said goodbye reluctantly, waving as I went back to the bunk and called up sax on the video chat. It took a second but then I seen her sitting in an office chair in her bar office.

"Hey sexy, what's up?" She hummed and held the phone up so I can see her messy bun hair with a pen behind her ear.

"Just checking in." I smiled, "what you doin?"

"Orders sonny, you know that thing you never let me get done." She chuckled, "without fail you always interrupt it somehow."

"Love you too." I rolled my eyes, "hope it's not to bad of a time. I get spun up here soon."

"I figured." She sighed, "don't want to interrupt me sleep and don't want to call when the bar is in full swing. Always when I'm doing the behind the scenes stuff." 

"You know you like it." I smirked and she laughed.

"Yeah I like, or rather I like you and put up with it."  

Then there was the sweet giggle that went straight to my heart. Even after everyrheve that happened and I wanted to hate her, that giggle was my downfall. I would never hate the small laigh she gave or her giggle and the face she made as she wiggled her nose. I loved her then, I love her still now. Even with all the other women, it never felt right... They weren't her and that sweet giggle.

"It was worth it." I smiled back, "keep giggling like that and you'll snort." 

She rolled her eyes, "whatever. So, what can you tell me about your day."

"Well I just got done playing with the kids..."

She didn't let me finish, "playing with the kids? Was Sonny Quinn playing with kids? I don't believe it."

"Shahpur and Dorri, you know he girl I told you about. I was play foot ball with them and helping him learn English." I shrugged.

"Well I'll be damn, Sonny Quinn does have a heart. I guess he isn't the tin man." She giggled again as I add a joke about still being tin down there, "there is something wrong with you."

"But you still love me." I smiled wide at her and she shook her head back, "but yeah, I just hung out with the kids."

"We'll call me Impressed." She smiled, "it's good to see you're really human."

There was a call on her side, the office phone ringing as she frowned, "sorry, gotta go. Love you." 

She kissed her fingers and pressed them to the screen so I could do the same on my side. She gave a small pout and whispered be safe before hanging up way to soon for me.  _ **Why am I the one with the distance issue? She was always more clingy.**_ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before getting called away. The debriefing then the op.... And I was still thinking of sax back home and those two kids on base.


	12. Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax is thinking ahead.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was late on a Tuesday, the bar was at its usual build up of people. Drinks were pouring and beers littered tables. The business was going good and I was helping at the tables while we were a little short staffed. The regulars were chatting and pulling me in, seeing how I was doing. But of course, a few guys made passes and the usual one to hit on me made his pass too.

"So sax, how's your day?" The young seaman flirted with me. 

"It's was going good till I seen you, Maverick." I smirked at the mid twenty boy that just loved to hit on me.

His buddies laughed at him, "give up man."

He leaned in to me where I stood getting another round of beers for a table across the way, "come on, I promise you'll enjoy it."

"No. Already got a man.... I don't want a boy in his place." I turned my back on him as his friends belted out in laughter.

"Dude she is out of your league."

"Give it up, she could take you in a fight."

"Retreat, she isn't going to let you win." 

"Shut up." He growled at them and walked over to me as I sat down the drafts, "how much of a man is this man of yours? I could take him in a fight."

"He is way more of a man than you are." I walked right by him as he followed.

"Let me guess, Marine. Those guys are full of themselves enough to believe that." He smiled, "or is he army and thinks he's a badass."

"He's navy thank you very much." I rolled my eyes as I got his friends a round, "I served beside him. He's a better man then anyone I ever met... I wouldn't trade him for anything. I die for him."

"Such a fool." He smiled, "you never had a real man." 

I smiled back, "oh honey, you ain't never had a real woman to please. But I'll pass along your comment to him and let him handle you when he's back from his deployment."

"Tell him to bring it, I'm not afraid of a twig."

"At thirty-six, I promise there is not a twig anywhere on that man. He isn't small in any sense of the word." I winked and his friends almost died of laughter.

"I'm not either love." He matched my stare.

"Ok, I'll pass that on. Now leave me alone or I'll literally throw you through that door and charge you damages." I smiled and walked away as he finally stood down for the night.

Maverick was here three times a week at least going back a month. He thought he was a hot shot cause he was top of his class but I wouldn't trust him to have my back for anything. _**Cocky doesn't begin to describe him and I am not about to deal with his skinny ass thinking he can get everything he wants. Ten years younger then me and he thinks he rules the world, wait till sonny gets home and visits**_. I cashed out a few tabs and took in a hefty tip from a regular as he gave me a hug.

"How's Quinn doin?"

"He's still in one piece, I call that a win." I smiled, "thanks for the hug."

"Anytime darlin, see you in a few days." He pulled on his jacket, "a week if I get lucky. Me and the lady are taking a little trip to Vegas."

"Then maybe you can win enough to actually pay off your tab and tip me." I chuckled, "good luck mate."

He waved as he left with a few others. The whole night was whizzing by and before I knew it, my phone was ringing. I slipped into the office to take the call, I needed to see sonny since I spent all day thinking about him again.

The screen came up and I smiled at my man, "why hello handsome, tell me you aren't taken."

"Sorry doll, got a girl I can't live without." He chuckled, "how's it goin?"

"Not to bad. Covering for a sick waitress and only threatened one guy." I shrug, "but he deserves it."

"That's my girl." He laughed with some guys in the background, he shifted the camera so I can see him and some of the guys sitting by his bunk, "sorry the guys are here."

"Hey sax!" They all nodded and waved.

"Hey boys, keeping my guy in line?" 

"Of course, who would want him?" Clay smirked as everyone laughed and sonny shook his head.

"Kids these days have no respect." 

"Tell me about it. This kid keeps hitting on me Everytime he comes in." I leaned back in the office chair, "thinks he's hot shit because he was top of his class in the academy."

"Do I need to teach him a lesson?" Sonny asked.

"We'll, infact, you should. He said and I quote, 'Tell him to bring it, I'm not afraid of a twig.' and there is nothing small about him apparently." I smiled, "I definitely see nothing but small from him though."

They all laughed and sonny smiled, "first thing when I getting back, I want to meet this kid."

"What's his name?" Clay asked.

"Probably something stupid, like Bob."

"Or bobby."

"Actually, worse." I chuckled, "Maverick."

They all laughed and I just smiled at the sight.

"Maverick? His parents had high hopes." Sonny shook his head, "to bad I'll have to kill him."

"So, sorry to cut this short babe but... I do have to get back out there soon." I sighed, "stay safe y'all." 

Everyone said good bye but Sonny stood up and was stepping out the door, "one second."

He stepped outside and made sure no one was to close. Then he looked at me and spoke softer.

"So we got a visit from Army's Criminal Investigative Division..."

"What did you do?" I paused as he tipped his head.

"Nothing. Just let me finish." He shook his head mumbling about me being to accusing, "no, a kid was killed by a frag. When we were on a Op. Ray was the one that threw it."

"Ray? Was it a bad throw or what?"

"It bounced off the building. Complete accident." He sighed, "they aren't investigating him directly just what lead to it. They aren't setting out to fry him... So they say."

"How's ray taking it?"

"How would you take it?" He looked at me.

I shook my head, "worse then you."

I paused a moment and nodded, "Is it his shoulder? I heard from jace he screwed it up on a mission before deployment."

"No idea, just thought I would keep you updated. I know you feel in the dark." He smiled softly, "love you."

"Love you too sonny. Stay safe, I want you home."

He kissed his fingers and held them out as I mimicked and he dropped the feed. I closed my eyes and took a second before running back out to finish the night. Since it was creeping up on midnight, most the crowd was gone. I finished off the last two hours with ease and was locking up after getting the bank deposit ready. I dropped it on the way home and walked in my door to sit down at the kitchen table. My head wasn't ready for bed and I wouldn't be sleeping for a least an hour, so I made a small snack and sat under the stars to think.

 _ **I could live with this, the rest of my life. Me and sonny except when he's on deployment. At least deployment isn't sitting as hard on me anymore.**_ I watched the stars above and was thinking back to old dates with sonny and some of the missions we went on.  ** _I can live with never being a seal again. I can own a bar and stay home and be happy, as long as I got him. I'm ready for anything if I have him._**

After a little bit, Tex came walking out and cuddling beside me. I scratched his head and smiled.

"I can't wait for you to meet your dad and brother. I think you and cerberus will do great together." I watched him huff, "and sonny will love you."

 _ **Somny will love anything I do, it's just how he is. God knows he jokes about me adopting a dozen pets and living in the middle of nowhere... He would be happy too.**_ I layed back and looked at the stars as Tex finished up my snack. I was daydreaming, thinking of back before when me and Sonny were just engaged.

> _I was curled up against my new fiance, looking up at the stars above us. His arm tight around me and other hand laying flat with mine on my tummy. Our hands twisted and interlaces as I fiddled with his fingers anjoying the moment._
> 
> _"So how does it feel to be betrothed to the most handsome man on Earth?" He was smiling, so proud of himself._
> 
> _"I wouldn't know, haven't met him yet and I'm stuck with you." I giggled as he squeezed me._
> 
> _"You're right, I could do so much better." He reached for the ring on my finger and I licked his arm as I twisted that finger tighter around one of his so he can't get it, "fine, fine... I guess you'll do."_
> 
> _"I am perfect mister, don't forget it." I nudged his chest with my nose and he loosened his arm so I could adjust._
> 
> _"That you are miss reigns, or should I say soon to be Mrs. Quinn."_
> 
> _"Saxon Quinn, not to bad but sonny Reign sounds way better. You could retire and become a weather man with that name." I laughed as he shook his head._
> 
> _"No way, Quinn or no deal. I want a Mrs. Saxon Quinn holding onto my kids." He smiled as he lifted our laced fingers up to look at them against the stars, "even if they are animals and furballs."_
> 
> _"Glad you agree." I giggled, watching the sparkle on the small stone in the stars light, "it's truly beautiful."_
> 
> _"Yes you are." He hummed and twisted ours hands just enough I can see a small glimmer, "yes you are Mrs. Soon to_ _be Quinn."_

I opened my eye and was holding my hand up like he had done before. The ring around my neck, I pulled it off and slipped it on my finger to watch the glimmer again. 

"Mrs. Soon to be Saxon Quinn.... I really want hear him say it again. I want to be back to that again."


	13. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saxon has some news for sonny.  
> Sonny has an idea he shares with sax before chaos.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

Sax and I haven't talked for a few days. We've had quite a few ops and sax has took extra hours at the bar while Kyle had a family emergency. We both know we could've called each other at any time but it was a small agreement to take a few days off. I had time to spend with the kids and sleep more, I even had a brilliant idea thinks to shahpur. 

It was late in the day and a knock at the door brought a surprise as the guys had been outside relaxing. I figured someone was messing with me, so I got to the door and ray was there with shahpur.

"Hey little dude." I held out my fist and he hit it softly, "what's up?"

"He asked for you. I escorted him over on to the military area so he could." Ray smirked, "looks like sonny can make friends."

I glared as they guys laughed and I bent down to shahpur. The past few weeks I was teaching him English and he taught me a little in return. Mainly so I understood when he was lost on English, but he was getting almost as good as dorri.

"Football?" He looked up hopeful, "play?"

I nodded, "give me a second and yes." 

I held up my finger so he understood, changing into shirts and a sleeveless shirt before walking back to his tent to play. Somewhere between all of this, it hit me. The perfect solution to me and sax's big problem.... Adoption. Sax and I lost our baby and it was the big crack that caused the break up. We both wanted kids and I have gotten attached to dorri and shahpur, sax would love them without a doubt. That would also fulfill the promise we can't possibly keep with them, no way we could get them to America without something like this. Best part, I could skip the baby phase with all the diapers and shit.

"Sonny?" He looked at me and smiled, "watch."

He was showing me how to a trick with the ball, knowing I would fail. Didn't hurt to play along, I could look like a fool for the moment.

"Good job. Past it here." I motioned for him to kick it over and tried only to miss the ball and fall backwards onto the sand and dirt, "how do you do that?"

He laughed and showed me again, and that thought slipped in my head again....  _ **I could really get use to this. Kids....**_ Unfortunetly I had to run for a meeting on the next op. He looked only a little disappointed but I ran over to be briefed before having an hour down time. I called sax and prayed she wasn't to busy.

The screen came up and I seen my beautiful sax but with a small difference, she had red hair, "hey sonny."

"And hello to you too." I raised a brow, "almost didn't recognize you."

"It won't last long, it's washes out." She rolled her eyes, "fundraiser for this charity at the bar. Red is their color and I wanted to show support."

"I would be fine with you keeping that color." 

She chuckled, "so what's up, I have to be at the bar soon."

"Just checking in. Can't I miss you?"

"You better miss me." She giggled and blushed softly on her skin kissed cheeks, "so that reminds me. I sent you a small package and I wanted to tell you about it before you open it."

I listened for a moment before Davis warned me it was almost time to go and I hadn't said my idea, "sorry sax, I have to go here in a few minutes but I wanted to run something by you."

She looked disappointed but nodded, "what is it?"

"Remember how I told you about dorri and shahpur?" I waited for her to nod, "what do you think about adopting?"

"Adopting? You mean the two kids on base." She was clearly shocked.

"Yeah. They are orphans, needing a way to America and I already bonded with them. You would love them too." I paused, "they aren't to old or to young and dorri knows English. Shahpur is learning."

"You really want to adopt?" 

I couldn't read her face, not in a million years could I tell you what that look was. I swore she would love the idea or maybe I could sell her on it.

"Yeah, we can skip all that not so fun pregnancy stuff and shit filled diapers. They practically take care of themselves, we just help them along." I shrugged, "I know it's a huge jump but, I'll give you time to think. I need to go anyways."

"Love you sonny." She kissed her fingers and held them out.

"Love you Saxon." I held mine out then ended the call.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I watched the screen go black and then tossed my phone on the table in the office.  _ **Why didn't you tell him? You have to say it and let him know.... Especially if he wants to talk adoption.**_ I held my head for a moment, taking a deep breath before getting up and heading out to work. I went behind the bar and was pouring drinks like crazy, working through the packed bar. Luckily everyone was having a good time and people were donating to the cause like crazy. They even pulled me on stage for a few songs to get the crowd going, not that the regulars had any problem with donating to a great cause. 

After a few hours, I slipped out back and was getting some air. This brought back my early thoughts I wanted to push away.  _ **Adoption wouldn't be bad. Infact the cause is Noble, helping two kids out of a war zone. And sonny wasn't short on stories of them.... But why did he have to think of it now. Why after I sent the package to him?**_ I held my head for a moment, taking a breath and stretching softly before moving towards the door.

"Why the fuck didn't you just tell him on the call? He gets that package and I don't know how he'll react." I walked in and put on my fake smile.

I finished out the night and drove behind the the man that set up the charity to make sure he got the money to the bank ok. Then I was off to my comfy warm bed, not that it would help me. I wouldn't be sleeping because I knew that package would be there any day and sonny had no idea. I couldn't explain it, sonny would open it up and be without warning... And I hated the idea. It might have just been a card and a sorry excuse for a photo, but it was going to be a big moment. One that I couldn't be there for.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

As everyone was packed and ready for this mission, Davis walked over to the group just waiting on the helos.

"Hey sonny, you have a package waiting on you when you get back." She handed me my tac glasses that were sitting down, "you have some girl to actually write you in the time of modern communication."

"She's something else." I smirked as the guys laughed.

"Sonny does have a heart." Clay tried to look amazed through his laughter. 

"Remember that discussion about being whipped?" Trent chuckled.

"I guess sonny is trained enough to be our new hair missile." Brock turned away as I just shook my head.

"Really, screw you all." I laughed with them on that before we loaded up.

The mission didn't seem to hard over all, it didn't start out hard either. We started in, guns up and flushing out the target rather quickly. In no time, we were running to meet the helos for exfill. Flying off under fire and returning fire. It felt like we were in the clear before we heard the warning.

"Missile lock! Countermeasures! Brace!" The pilot screamed, "Flare! Flare!"

We watched as the other helo went down, alarm blaring. Flames off the back and all we could do was watch.

"No!" I yelled out watching as Jason, Clay, and Trent was headed for the ground.


	14. The package

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conclusion of the OP and the package.  
> What's in the box?

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

 I watched the helo go down, we were swinging back around. Get our boys out, keep them alive. As we flew over the crash sight, we seen the gunfight and lended a hand.  We provided support, until the pilot pulled back and dropped two klicks out. We started our run back up to our boys.

"Candy-ass pilot should have dropped us off at the LZ." I called.

"Candy-ass pilot saved our lives." Ray answers.

"Every Talimonster in the region's gonna want a piece of that bird, and we're down here." 

"What good would we be to Jason and Clay blown to pieces all over the mountain?"

Just then a loud explosion erupted and we all look up before starting to run.

"Our boys are still under attack! And still putting up one hell of a fight."

"Let's go!"

We kept running, pushing on. On a down spurt of one of the hills, we caught two kids walking with a rifle and swarmed the threat.

"Down, down, down, down! Down, down, down!" We slowly started to surround the two boys.

"Get your asses down! Get your asses on the ground!" I yelled as they yelled back in pashto, "Watch the hands! Watch the hands!"

"We don't got time for this." I yelled as we searched them.

"We gotta get to the crash site." Brock called back.

"These are Tali scouts for sure." 

Ray didn't like the sound of this, quickly looking at me and pointing at their gun, "That's a hunting rifle."

"Yeah, and we're their prey." I turned to him, "So let's take care of 'em and move on."

"Take care of 'em?"

"We let 'em go, they'll start squawking, and the entire mountain's gonna know what our path is. It'll be Operation Red Wing all over again." Seeing ray unmoved, I went for their rifle, "Tell you what, there's one less rifle in this war."

"This rifle is probably all these kids have in the world." He took it from my hands.

He checked it over and made sure it wasn't loaded anymore.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I turned away frustrated, "You did not just do that."

"Yes, I did. Like you said, we don't have time for this let's go!"

"Golden Horde's charging our men right now while we're sitting here playing grab-ass with Future Taliban of Afghanistan Club! That's great, Ray." I turned and started to walk.

In the lull of silence I heard feet running and turned to see one of them running away.

"Stop!" Ray yelled.

"Shoot him!" I yelled back.

"Let him go, let him go." Ray waved his hands and no one fired.

"What the hell was that, Ray?" I was in disbelief and walked back towards him.

"Good judgment. That kid's not a threat, and we don't have time to chase him."

"CID may have cleared you for killing that kid with the grenade, but you're still in your head, Ray." I looked at him, getting up close as I went where I didn't want to, "You've gone trigger-shy."

"Wrong." He shot back, "You've got revenge in your head, and it's clouding your thinking. Smoking that goat herder isn't gonna do anything for anybody at that crash site. Now, I made the right call."

"If it was the wrong call, we're gonna be too dead to realize it." I grabbed his armour. 

"You are emotional." He pushed my hand off him, "It was the right call. Let's go!"

Everyone started to follow him as I glared at him. I turned to follow suit behind him, bringing up the rear as I couldn't hold back.

"I am not emotional!" 

We took off towards the farm house, first priority was our boys. We had one more ridge to go, peaking the top we could see the crash. We all paused a moment to look at it. It was bad.

"Wow. It's amazing anybody walked away from this." I was panting slightly trying to catch my breath.

"Any Bravo element, this is 2. Comms check, over."

We all waited in silence, looking over the Carnage. It went silent for a good minute before we heard a crack.

"About time."

We all smiled as ray spoke, "Copy that, Bravo 6."

"There we go." I sighed, "Let's go get our boys."

"Let's move." Ray motioned and hit his comm, "Coming to you. Do not fire to the west. Say again, do not fire to the west."

We moved in, heading into the farmhouse to find everyone and a fair welcome. 

"Hey, brother." Someone greated us as we walked in.

"What's up, boys?" I pounded his fist, "Like what you've done with the place. It reminds me of Pottery Barn."

"What's going on?" Ray walked over to clay, "Blown out wall's a nice touch."

"Well, now she doesn't look like much, but she's worked this far, huh?" The kid smiled.

"You good?" He checked on clay.

"I'm good." He nodded back.

"Want to bring us up to speed?"

"We took five casualties between the ambush and the crash." 

"Any KIA?"

"Yeah." He nods.

"And Jason?" Ray asked.

"Jason took a hard hit." 

"How hard?"

"Not hard enough." Jason groaned as we all looked past clay to find jason trying to walk over to us, "Hey. Took you long enough."

"Ran a mile uphill to get to your ass and that's the welcome we get?"

"What's the status on the QRF?" He held onto Ray's armour and we all suddenly got concerned. Something seemed a little off.

"Circling." Ray watched Jason let go, "No one's coming for us until we clear the mountain of those SAMs that took you guys out."

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa." I watched Jason stumble backwards and land against the wall easy, barely holding himself up.

_**Not good. Not good at all.** _

"We can't exfil on your bird?" He asked.

"Like I said, the area's too hot right now to land." Ray watched just as concerned as I seen clay look to his side, "Boss, you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah." He nodded, "What is the status of the QRF?"

He was panting and groaning, not staying focus and just had a last in memory.  _ **Whoa, whoa, whoa, not good one bit.**_

* * *

 "Okay, boys, according to TOC, this is the situation." Ray clears his throat and bends down in the sand center of the structure, "This is us. ISR shows a force of about 20 to 25 combatants heading from the southwest."

"A bunch more Nouri guys." Clay spoke.

"Got to assume they've been tipped to the location of the helo. That's how it looks. They originally massed at AK village after our assault on his compound. Mandy's guess puts them 15 minutes out."

"Bring it on." I cross my arms.

"How we looking for ammo?" Ray looks to Trent.

"Looking about three cans for the 240, what we all got on us, plus we got an additional 15 mags from the go bag on the bird."

"We got some pirate guns and a couple Claymores." I add.

"Yes, sir." Clay interjects, "Also got that satchel charge off the helo. And I figure, we got, what, another dozen or so frag grenades between us?"

"Depending on how well equipped they are, what type of casualties they're willing to take, we can hold them off say 45 minutes?" Ray nods.

"I'll prep the 240." Trent walks off.

"Hell yeah. That'll keep the enemy at distance. Don't want our helos landing in the middle of a bullet circus." 

"Yeah, look, we're not getting any helos in here unless we take out the SAMs." Clay say the truth we had to face.

Everyone nods, ray stands up and hits his mic, "TOC. This is Bravo 2. We got a 20 on where those missiles - are coming from yet?"

"Confirm." Davis take the call, "Mandy's gonna be having something for you in a few minutes. How's he doing?"

"He's a little woozy but luckily, the guy's got a hard head." Ray looked over towards Jason.

On that note I started checking over my gun, waiting till ray was done and turning towards us.

"Okay, boys, we found the location of the SAM site."

"All right." Clay stood as ray said his name, "Yeah?"

"You and Sonny want to take Brock, Full Metal, head on over there, show them what happens when they mess with us?"

"Frog's ass watertight?" clay smiled.

"Yeah, man." Ray nodded.

"Keep hammering." Clay started out the door with Brock as I brought up the rear.

"Hey, Sonny." I turned to look at ray.

"Yeah?"

"Give 'em hell, all right, brother?" He nods at me, "I want to go home."

"Roger that." I nodded back and was out the door behind them.

* * *

It didn't take to long, the three of us running over for the take down. We were taking spot for look out, clay in front rifle up and looking through the sight.

"What you got there, three eyes?" I asked.

"Camouflaged bunker."

"Ah. Well, this looks like a barrel of laughs." I let my gun rest on my knee and took my mic, "TOC, this is Bravo 3. We've located the suspected missile nest. I was wondering if you could do me a solid and send some Hellfire up this way?"

"Considered it, but one of those SAMs could take out our ISR before we get to pull the trigger." Mandy replied, "Bravo 3, I suggest you come up with another option."

I gave an annoyed chuckle, "How the hell did I know she was gonna say that?"

"Standard bunker takedown?" The kids asks.

"Yeah." I take a deep breath, "Let's spur this pony."

"Brock, let's go." Clay motioned and we took off down hill."

* * *

 We had the bunker down in no time, rushing back towards the farmhouse as to cleared the helos to come in. We knew they were under fire at this point, we knew we needed to support them. Luckily we got back in time and held off till they retreated back. The birds were coming and we were getting out, everybody worrying about the wounded and especially Jason. He seemed really out of it, he said something about the dead man making noise. No surprise we we're all watching him like a hawk till we got back to base, something wasn't right.

* * *

We finally landed back at base, everyone dragging back to the bunks as we all fall in to sleep, Except the injured. I took a detoured to Davis, slipping in to talk quietly.

"Hey Davis, gotta question." She looked at me, "how would one go about adopting?"

"Whoa what?" She looked at me.

"Adopting. Like dorri and shahpur."

"You're joking right?" She blinked, "have you talked to sax about this?"

"She is thinking about it right now." I shrugged, "but it's a safe bet."

"Well I don't know, never really came up before." She shook her head, "I'll look into it. Just go open the package and get some sleep.

 _ **The package, completely forgot about it. U'll open it after the nap.**_ I went back, following the guys back and was surprised to see clay there.

"Looks like the kids has a gift." I chuckled, "your still in one piece."

"Nurse said to get some sleep. Both of us." He pointed at Trent as he shook his head.

"Don't worry, I'm going to be out cold."

Everyone laughed, but I kept looking over. The mid size package from Saxon was still on the desk against the far wall, I wasn't willing to call her much less actually look at the package right now.

"Hey sonny, aren't you gonna open it?" Brock looked it over, "it could be good."

"To tired." 

"Come on." Clay sighed, "you gotta open it. It's been sitting for over a day now."

"You know what, you can." I closed my eyes, "just tell me what's inside."

I heard some noise then clay walked over to the box and opened it carefully. He unfolded the flaps and then pulled out a bottle, "jack Daniels."

Everyone cheered, "let me get a shot."

"I'll take a double."

It was a moment later clay handed me a envelope, "you need to open the letter yourself, you know to figure out why she sent you alcohol.... Or at least give her a call."

"Probably poisoned it." Brock whispered.

"No calls, way to early for that. She's busy and would just complain." I waved the kid off.

"Then look at the letter."

I rolled my eyes and sat up, back against the wall as I opened the envelope and stared at the card. It was white with congratulations written on it in black. I frowned and flipped it open, reading the first two lines out loud.

_Roses are red,  
You drink a lot of Jack honey._

I stopped, mind drawing a blank as everyone was waiting for the rest. Waiting for the last two lines that had me officially speechless.  _ **This has to be a joke... It couldn't be.**_

"What Is it?"

"Come on man."

  _And after this test is read,  
You'll have to throw one back for me sonny._

They looked at me confused as I sat the card down on my lap, holding my face. I can't explain the emotion inside me right now.... Happy, angry, sad, joy.... A million things in one.

"Dude." Clay took it and gave a small chuckle before reading out loud, "And after this test is read, You'll have to throw one back for me sonny _."_

He turned the card around and they seen the picture taped to the bottom. Underneath was two pregnancy tests, one read pregnant and one with two lines on it. I was still frozen, no words coming out as they all smiled and laughed.

"Sonny is going to be a dad."

"Holy shit."

Clay was trying to get my attention, to bad I wasn't going to get that sleep as I finally snapped out if it enough to push by and grab the laptop. I needed to hear it from her, directly from her mouth. I sent the call through, waiting as it took a few minutes or probably only seconds since I was anxious.

"Hey sonny, glad your alive but not the best time. I'm wor...."

"You're pregnant." I paused.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I froze,  _ **I don't know if that is happy or not? What Is this reaction?**_ I nodded softly.

"Yeah, found out just over a week ago?"

"How far along?" He picked up the laptop and stepped outside for a little privacy as the guys had been watching.

"It's yours if that's what your asking." I blinked, "sonny, I know we didn't plan this but..."

"We're having a baby." He said softly, his eyes staring off into space, "is it ok? Is it a boy or girl? Are you showing?"

He was talking a mile a minute and I could even attempt to answer him, "whoa, whoa, whoa sonny. Dude seriously." 

He stopped and I smiled, "i'm just over three months. We concieved just before deployment is best guess. I don't know gender yet, I have a couple weeks before we will get a good view to see. I'm not showing too much, just a tiny pouch like bump that you don't see hidden under clothes.... I missed most the other questions because you are talking way to fast. Just breath."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I sent that package two days after I found out. Had some favors and strings to pull so It didn't take long and then thought twice about just leaving the package to tell you so this didn't happen." I sighed, "I tried to tell you last call but, you didn't let me speak."

"The adopting." He rubbed his face, "no wonder you looked shocked."

"No you adopting kids is shocking enough, the baby is a difediffe level." I tipped my head, "are you ok? You look rough."

"The second help got shot down and I spent most the day rescuing Jason and the boys." He muttered, "so your just past three months?"

"Wait what? Are they ok?" I went wide eye as sonny was still on the baby thing.

He wasn't listening to me again as clay stepped out and knelt down, "I'll take this." 

He took the laptop as sonny was still confused and talking to himself about the pregnancy. Clay sighed and smiled.

"Congratulations. On the pregnancy and his mental break down."

"I fucked up." I shook my head, "I was better off not sending the package."

"No, We love the jack. He just needs some sleep to cool off before he hurts himself." He glanced at sonny staring off in space, "did not expect that though, sonny seemed more like the happy kind when he hears news like that."

"He was last time, but he also said something about Jason crashing in a helo." I looked at clay worried and he nodded.

"We're good. Jace is fine, so is Trent and me. The crew is ok. But you just crippled sonny apparently so I think I need to get him to lay down. But seriously, congrats and thinks for the jack." He looked down at sonny then back up, "he'll call you back after a nap."

"Thanks clay."

"Bye sax." He ended the call and I just dropped my head onto the desk.

 _ **Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.... Why did you send that package.**_ I started mumbling stupid to myself over and over as Kyle walked in and lifted my head up.

"Ok, I don't know what happened but... Don't do that." He sat a beer down in front of me, "have a drink."

"No thank you."

"Ok, what's wrong? You never turn down a beer." 

"I'm pregnant. I tried to tell sonny on the video call before and he didn't let me get a word in edgewise. I stupidly sent a box with a bottle of Jack and a card to tell him and he opened it before I could tell him." I looked up, "I think I broke sonny."

He laughed and patted my back, "he is one luck son of a bitch to have you, don't forget that." 

I nod and he pulled me out of the office chair, "how about some water?"

I walked out with him, a bottle of water in my hand and a hope that sonny didn't just lose his mind.


	15. Coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally returns home.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was packing my things, the last few hours at base before we fly back. Mixed feelings about leaving, only half the mission was really done and we knew it. I had my bag packed, my only thing left out was the photo of me and sax and the stupid tape she sent me of music.... I had to do a lot of thinking on the way home. 

I had slipped them in my pants pocket when Davis came over, "there's big papa Quinn." 

"Funny." I rolled my eyes, "did you know?"

"No. Sax contacted me to let me know she was sending a package of alcohol and wanted to make sure it got to you. She pulled some strings and I called in a favor or two." She smiled, "some girl you got."

"Yeah, she is." I looked around, "so did you look into the adoption thing?"

"Not really, I figured you two need to talk before you make a jump like that. You have a baby on the way."

"Yeah that's what I plan on doing." I sighed, "a lot of talking over the next few days." 

"Hey by the way, have you heard from Danny?"

I paused, "no. Haven't you?"

"No, he must be busy." She nodded and went over to finish cataloging all the things being shipped back.

I felt bad in that moment, something was off. Brock grabbed me for a little weight lifting so I went with it, going first I packed in the weight as he watched.

"25." I push the bar up to rest as he watches to make sure I can sit up, "That's some old man strength right there."

"Yeah, good set, old man." He chuckled.

"What's up, fellas?" We looked to see Blackburn walking our way as I got up and Brock sat down.

"What's up, boss?"

"What's going on, Blackburn?" I nod.

"Get a word with you?" He motioned me to walk to the side with him and I nod, "Yeah, yeah."

We get a little bit away and he talks in a low voice, "You, uh, asked me to talk to some people, see if I could track down Danny Cooper?"

I keep walking with him as he slowly explains, "He's in the VA hospital in Hampton. Uh, Danny's a civilian now, so his records are private. Couldn't get the nurse to say much, but from what I could put together, the Virginia Beach cops found him in his car with a needle in his arm."

"Son of a bitch." I stopped by one of the parked trucks, leaning on it gently.

Blackburn leaned next to me, "Yeah, well, if you don't mind me saying, that's not the compassionate response I was expecting."

"Yeah, I don't mean him, I just mean this whole damn situation." I looked over at him, "What in the hell am I gonna tell Davis?"

"Well, you can always try telling the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember." He patted my back and walked off as I caught my breath and took a swig of water.  _ **Damnit Danny.... This can't end well.**_

* * *

 As the time came, we all boarded the plane. We were all dressed down, plain clothes to fly home. Sunglasses, red white and blue flag bandana, Jean shirt and sleeveless over shirt. I could already imagine the jokes sax would have, and I will love every second of it. I had the recorder in my pocket and photo beside it, I needed to think on everything... And tell Davis before we land. No doubt sax will be waiting on me, and I don't want to miss a second of seeing her pregnant belly for the first time. I was dying to hold her, always will. I finally had her, I won't let her go. 

I take a small glance around at the other boys, Cerberus walking beside me ready to go home to his cozy bed. Everyone else slowly boarding and finding seats after we get on. Heading home from a war zone, to our safe warm beds.... I was on my home. On my way to our home, because sax and me lived together now in a house with dogs and soon to be a baby.  _ **A baby. She is pregnant with my child, again.**_ The thought still hard to understand. But I stirred on it and with the music and moment of piece, it felt good to think about.

As we were close to landing, I needed to talk to Davis and made the move. She was willing to talk, following me to a corner for privacy and not even thinking about what bad news can come from this. 

"Hey if this about the adoption, I already told you..." 

I cut her off, "no, it's about Danny."

She froze and looked at me, "he called you?"

"Not quite," I took a deep breath, "Look, look, I wanted to tell you earlier, but I just - I just couldn't find the right moment."

"Okay, Sonny, you're scaring me, so just go ahead and tell me." She looked me in the eyes, clear signs of worry.

"Blackburn told me that he's in a little bit of trouble."

"Talking about Blackburn told you something? W-Why would Blackburn...."

I cut her off, "Davis, look at me. It's drugs. Okay? And he's not doing good."

She was speechless, the look of confusion and anger and so much more. The same look I had before, the feeling I never wanted again.

"What, he OD'd?"

"He relapsed. Cops found him in his car."

"Where is he?"

"He's at the VA hospital." 

She walked away from me, we would land In mere minutes and she is probably gonna kill Danny before the drugs.  _ **Danny on drugs. Ray's shoulder is shot. Jace has a concussion that definitely is worse then he's letting on... What else could go wrong.**_

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

My truck parked as i sat on the tailgate, waiting for sonny. The high fences of the base around me and only Naima and the babies waiting nearby. I was wanting nothing more then to tackle sonny and have him hold me for as long as possible. I missed him more then i knew was possible. But those fifteen minutes felt liked hours until I saw the plane land and seen the team walking out. Dressed down like mere mortals and then sonny, the rock band reject comes walking over with Cerberus.

"Hey cutie." I smiled as Cerberus ran over in hopped up on the tailgate as I slid off, "and you daddy..."

My words cut off as he lifted me up against him and kissed me like something from a movie. I heard the whistles and hoots as he slowly let my lips leave his. Over across the way Spencer started singing softly, the others joining in on it.

 _"I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again. I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again."_  

Everyone chuckling as they left and we were practically frozen in the moment before I burst his Bubble, "that would've been better before you left there Ben Affleck."

"I am way better then him darlin, you're already carrying my baby."

We both chuckled as he sat me down, "again, kinda cheesy sonny."

"Said the girl that just called me daddy a minute ago." He winked and twirled his finger, "give papa a view."

I rolled my eyes and tugged my shirt tight against my stomach so he could see the minute bump. He whistled and I walked towards the cab of the truck.

"Where you going?"

"Home, get your ass in or I'll leave ya here." I hopped in as he chuckled and joined me.

He paused a moment, just looking over at me sitting down and I couldn't take it. I pushed his face forward and when that didn't work I tugged the bandana over his eyes.

"You are making me paranoid with your constant watching, just get us home already." I giggled and kissed his beard as he turned the key and put her in drive without moving the blindfold, "with eyesight sonny, don't crash!"

I pushed it up as he chuckled, "like I would crash with you in here."

I put the bandana on my head and kicked my feet up on the dash, "I don't know why I love you sonny, your such a child sometimes."

He smiled, "that just makes me fun to be around. By the way, I like when you called me daddy."

His smirk was suggestive and I shook my head, "knew it was a mistake the moment it came out."


	16. The talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Sax have the talk they've been avoiding.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

In the days after they got back, things were definitely different. Everyone seen that, and as for sonny he just needed a little space. The first two days was getting back in the right mind set and then I would have to push on the subject we both needed to talk about.... The baby and everything else. 

He was home, lounging as I came in from my shift at the bar. Cerberus and Tex both curled up with him, fast friends as expected. I tossed my jacket down and leaned over the couch lightly to kiss his cheek.

"Hello sexy." I winked and walked around to sit beside him.

"Hello beautiful." He gave a small draw and looked me over, "bun in the oven and all mama."

"Your bun mister." I pointed and leaned against him as Tex rolled over to get his belly rubbed, "so babe, we need to talk."

He closed his eyes and gave a silent sigh before turning off the TV. The dark night nothing compared to the small kitchen light illuminating every inch it could into the living room. Tex and Cerberus both walked off, knowing it was best to give us privacy. Sonny opened his eyes, shifting to look at me as I sat up.

"I was hoping to stall a few days."

"Weren't we both." I looked down towards my hands, "we have a baby on the way.... Again."

"Yeah." He scratched his neck, "a baby... How are ya feelin?"

"Mixed." I nodded, "I have this bad feeling constantly but everything is going good. I guess that's why I don't know what to do. With everything being thrown out at once.... I'm lost."

"You mean dorri and shahpur." He looked up.

"Yeah, I mean... I don't know." I licked my lips as I felt them drying out, "I don't hate the idea but the baby puts so much more as it is."

"It's a bad idea with the baby on the way."

I watched how he answered and seen the pain.  _ **Oh sonny, don't be like that.**_ I took his hand, squeezing till he looked at me.

"But we aren't to bright. Besides, you said they were great kids and our little guy or girl is going to need some support." I smiled, "plus they are a little older, less raising and more watching."

"You are seriously thinking about still adopting? Would it even work for us?"

"I don't know but I feel bad jumping back on adoption just because of a baby. I love you, and you were so sure I would love them too."

"Could we afford it? Can we afford a baby? Can we raise kids?" I raised my brow, as he kept going, "out of all the crazy things we've done, I don't know if this is good or bad crazy."

"That's part of the fun, not knowing." I tugged his hand, "we can litterally have it all."

"Can we?" He frowned, "Sax Everytime we hit a good place, something flips it on us. I don't want to take on everything and have it all crumble. The baby, kids, you own a business, me an operator and.... I can't help but think of the bad."

"Sonny, I get it. I do. I have been too." I leaned in closer as he watches me, "I cant say I didn't think about running or what it would be like if I never came back. I know I couldn't do it, but I thought about it. About if something happens and we lose the little peanut. About if the adoption falling through and being told we couldn't.... All of it. But I still want it."

"You were more of a gambler." He sipped his beer, "but what if it goes bad?"

"What do you mean?"

He stared at the rim of the bottle, his mind far from his body and I knew it was a losing fight. He wasn't back yet or he was over thinking, something was holding him back from gambling it all for the life he didn't know he wanted.

"What if we don't last?"

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

"what if we don't last?" The words stung as they left my lips.

"You mean like Jace and Lana." She sat back.

"Yeah. I just don't know." I dropped my head, "everyone is having problems and here I am piling on to what can be my biggest hit. Our biggest hit yet."

"Sonny, this is complicated. We knew it would be." She squeezed my hand and leaned in to kiss my cheek again, "when aren't we complicated? That's just us." 

"But does it have to be?" I pulled her into a soft kiss, "do we have to be complicated?"

"Do really want to become a different person?" She raised a brow, "I'm not changing again, don't go changing on me now. We are doing good."

She smiled at me and I couldn't help but return it. She was right, what's the use in changing now. But I was still conflicted on dorri and shahpur, that's more stress then we need with a baby. I don't understand how she is so sure this is the right thing. That everything will be fine the more we pile on. That we'll be good through it all? It felt off to me, I didn't know what to say or do. I was frozen in this second, my pregnant girlfriend leaning up to kiss me again as everything still felt wrong. Nothing felt right after deployment, that was a given, but usually we didn't all feel wrong too.... Was everything going wrong and no one was paying attention.

The mentioned was broken by my phone ringing and sax jumping up so I could get it, "yeah?"

"Hey sonny, how quick can you get to the VA?" Ray spoke calmly.

"Why?"

"Jason flipped out when he was out to lunch with Mandy. They are holding him." He sighed, "I have the kids so I'll be a little late to the party."

"Yeah, yeah... I'll be right over." I jumped up and grabbed her keys as she stood waiting for me to explain, "call you when I get there."

I hung up and slipped the phone in my pocket, grabbing my shirt that was laying on the couch. I looked to sax and was frozen a second.

"Sonny what's wrong?"

"Jason flipped out and went to the VA. Ray thinks it has something to do with his concussion." I kissed her cheek, "don't wait up."

She closed her eyes and nodded as I ran out the door.  _ **Maybe I can use this time to think? I really need to think this over.... Sax is willing so why ain't I?**_

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I stood by the window watching my truck pull out. To much at once was hitting and I didn't know how to respond.  _ **Was sonny having second thoughts? Did he only want dorri and shahpur because he didn't want a baby baby? I was pushing him I to something he didn't want? Why hasn't he came back yet? He doesn't seem like him.... What do I do?**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was really short


	17. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny goes to check on jason, thinking over everything.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was on my way to the VA hospital, driving as fast as I could. My mind splitting between, Jason cracking at the edges and me slowly loosing it. I love sax, with all my heart I love that sweet woman.... But maybe we rushed.  _ **We jumped back into this, we were good till deployment and now... I don't know. Can we still adopt with a baby on the way? There is only three bedrooms in that small house she inherited, we would need more space. Especially with the new dog that will out grow me before long.... So many things to to change and get worked on. So much I need to change. I'm not ready for fatherhood.**_

I pulled into the parking lot and ran in, ray said Mandy would be here but they didn't want to call Alana yet. I rushed in and spotted Mandy standing by a waiting area, stopping by her I slowly caught my breath.

"What happened?"

"We were out to eat, just chatting when I got up for a moment and he started talking to thin area before he filled out. A civilian got hurt and I calmed him down a little before he said to bring him in." She looked down the hall, "they will come out to get us once they run tests."

"Tests?" I huffed.

"They think it might be that small concussion from the helo crash." She shook her head, "Jason definitely was playing it down for us."

I looked down the hall but ended up sitting down. A few minutes passed with only the noise of the hospital staff running about, I didn't know what to think or say right now. I sent out a message to ray and he said they got ahold of Alana and she was on her way, kids with her. It wasn't the plan but, it couldn't hurt to much of his family was there. Luckily the doctor came out and right to Mandy and me.

"Hayes?"

"Yeah." I stood as she nodded, "how is he?"

"We picked up a little bit of something on our MRI. You said he was in a field related crash?"

"Yeah" she nods with her arms crossed and ready for the worse.

"We don't know for sure but it looks like it might be more serious then originally thought. The incident at the cafe definitely sounds like PTSD, very common for the career especially with that detail. The concussion definitely could've jump started that."

"When can we see him?" I looked up and he sighed, "soon. We have one last check up and hopefully we can get him to lay down."

Once the doc left, I seen Alana and the kids come running over. She stopped by me and Mandy immediately started to explain as I called ray so he could get the guys here. Alana went back with the kids to see Jason, I sat down and leaned back as Mandy went back with them. The short silence was over as I heard footsteps and a familiar voice.

"Sonny, ray said Jason had a incident."

I opened my eyes to see Lisa standing in front of me, "yeah, hallucinations it sounds like. Alana and the kids are back there with Mandy." 

I looked up and tipped my head, "were you here with Danny?"

"Yeah... He's not getting better." She looked down and blocked out the emotion, "what about you and sax?"

"Complicated." I sighed, "very complicated."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was at home laying in bed with the dogs. A fan running to break the silence as I lay awake due to my thoughts. I couldn't get a word in edgewise, a thousand things rushing through my head and I wasn't going to be able to make it stop. The soft pulse of the blood working to my brain, the thump against my skull that told me my headache wouldn't be going away.

_**Was I too eager? I though it was a good idea and I make enough to handle most things. The baby would be a learning process but we could finally have a family like we wanted before. We could actually have a family.** _

I rolled over and closed my eyes, only for a second then I opened them and cuddled up to Tex. I wanted sonny beside me, needed human contact and was stuck here with neither. I checked my phone before sitting it back on the nightstand with the ringer on high.

_**Please sonny, talk to me. A call, a text.... Just say everything is ok even if we aren't right now. Please...** _

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

It didn't take long for Lisa to get me to talk. The guys weren't here and everyone else was back with Jace. We didn't want to crowd the room and she didn't want to talk about Danny, not that I did. I didn't want to talk about Saxon, I tried not to but it just came out.

"Sax said she still likes the idea of adoption, even with the baby on the way." I looked over to her holding a coffee in my hand.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" She asked and watched me look down.

"I don't know... I don't know now that I'm home and the reality is hitting. I'm going to be a dad. Sax is open to adoption and likes the idea of helping dorri and shahpur." I shook my head and took a sip, "I don't know if I am."

"Sonny, you don't seem like the type to back off something important to you. I heard the stories about you and sax, I heard the jokes you told about being a father and how happy you would be." She looked around a second before finishing, "your only human... But I think you know what to do here."

"What's that?" I asked.

"You know what you need to do, and it starts with going home to your girlfriend or getting her here." She chuckled, "don't let her go again."

That was when Brock got here, the rest slowly pouring in. She didn't say anything more and I noticed that none of the girlfriends came. I was better off going home, fixing this issue I created by leaving so quickly and not talking to her. I couldn't run out now, but I would be going home and waking her up to say what was on my mind... If I could even figure out what I was thinking.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was finally asleep, couldn't of been more then a minute when a hand caressed my cheek and pulled me onto my back gently. My eyes flickered and barely focused on sonny sitting beside me on the bed, turned to face me. I slowly sat up and wiped my eyes, yawning quietly.

"Why'dja wake me up?" 

"Let's do it." He looked at me.

"I'm not in the mood sonny." I started to lean back and he pulled me into a kiss.

"Not that, adopting. The baby and the kids.... All of it." He smirked and wacthed me carefully, "I want to do it."

"Are you sure?" 

"I already asked Davis to look into it. She will tell me how we have to do it." He smiled, "you know, if you're still interested."

"Whatever makes you happy." I kissed him as he slowly leaned me back on the bed.

He rubbed my belly softly and hummed, "now about that not in the mood comment." 

I giggled as he kissed my neck, "as long as you make it quick."

He didn't waste time and i didn't mind. He was careful and hit all the right spots, feeling like the perfect happy ending to our past few days of stress.


	18. Next step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and sax look at the next steps.

After agreeing on going through with adopting, sonny and sax were dying to see what they needed to do. Sax cheated and looked online but was still confused about it. They got a call from Lisa, Jason was out of the hospital and she looked into the adoption. She would be stopping by that evening to get some air from the hospital where Danny was still. Sax made sonny grill up some food, having everything ready to go when she arrived.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was sitting down the plate on the patio table as a small piece fell off for Cerberus and Tex. Sax rolled her eyes but turned and walked to the door as I pat their heads. 

"Good doggies." I chuckled and slipped a small piece for them to split.

"Hey Lisa." Sax smiled and welcomed her in, moving to the patio where I sat with the dogs.

"Davis." I tipped my hat and she shook her head.

"Do you ever take off that stupid hat?" 

"It's not stupid." I spoke as sax spoke over me, "no."

I glared at her and they both chuckled.

"Ok then, you promised me food if I came over." She chuckled and took a plate as I slide the tray her way so she could make a plate.

"Have at it."

She made a small plate as I got a few beers out and water for sax. She gave me a kiss for it and Lisa shook her head but didn't say a thing. I knew what she was thinking because it was weird that I had a normal domestic life like this, this wasn't me before sax came back. I made a plate and sax made a plate next, then Lisa was ready to talk what we wanted to hear.

"Ok so I looked into the adopting, it's a little more complicated then I thought." She looked between us, "you have go to the afgan court and file for guardianship so you can legally adopt. Then there is the paperwork to bring them into country." 

"So what are we looking at?" Sax leaned forward.

"Find an agency for adoption and the make contact. You two or a lawyer would have to appear in person at the court in Afghanistan and that is just for guardianship." She sighed, "since they did help us and the government did pay her for her work you might be able to make it work. Maybe talking to Blackburn and having him put in a good word can get the government to help it along."

"What timeline were we looking at?" I asked.

"Months along with at least a weeks stay in a war torn country." 

"No other way?" Sax frowned.

It was clear are good mood had broken and we both worried about what this meant. I was thinking it through, maybe getting a little help from everyone to bring them here wouldn't be bad. As Lisa and sax was talking through what needed to happen, I had a brilliant idea.

"Ok, dorri and shuhpur are orphans by law? Their parents are dead and they have no know family."

"Yeah." Lisa shrugged.

"To obtain guardianship all we have to do is sumit paperwork and stand before a judge for them to call us fit parents or whatever."

"Not exactly." 

"What if the military guided it? A soldier that found them and cared for them adopting them. They worked for the government like you said, we can grant a sanctuary of sorts and flash past adoption."

Sax frowned, "you're living in your own world there sonny boy." 

 "It's the least they can do after all I have done for this country." I shrugged and she shook her head.

"How about no to the last part," Lisa stopped me, "and maybe to the other."

Sax was confused now and I couldn't blame her, anytime someone agreed with my random plan I was confused. The conversation went on only a little while longer and ended with Lisa getting ahold of Blackburn later to talk and see if maybe a few strings could get pulled for the helpful kids. 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Right after Davis left, I went back outside and sat on the deck sipping my water. Cerberus was lounging off to the side and Tex was running off his energy. Sonny came back out after a moment, stopping behind me while I stared off into space.  _ **Are we jumping the gun? We want it all and never even thought about how to get it. The process of it all.... Maybe this is the wrong way.**_ A hand landed on my shoulder, then another on the other side, and lastly two feet attached to legs spread to either side of me. My lips curled up and eyes closed, he started to massage my neck.

"Don't give up on me now."

"I never said I was." I hummed, "please don't stop by the way."

He chuckled, "I know that thousand yard stare sax, this isn't the wrong choice."

I slowly turned my head to get a partial view of him, "when the whole world is against you? I think that's exactly what it means."

"Do you want to adopt them?" He stopped massaging my shoulders and pulled me back against his chest with his arms around me.

"Yes."

"Then how is it wrong?"

"I don't know.... I'm sure we'll find out soon." 

"I thought I was supposed to be the negative one." He sighed and kissed my cheek, "it's not the wrong choice."

"We'll see." I leaned back into him, "I don't see this going good."

"Then stop looking." He covered my eyes, "have a little faith. Everything happens for a reason."

We sat like that for a moment before Tex came over wanting to play. He dropped the ball at my feet and I scooped it up, tossing it. He brings it back and before I can toss it, sonny took my hand and pulled it from me as Tex jumped for it. I gave a small squeal and ducked as he lifted it up and Tex tried to reach it without hitting me. He laughed and took a sip of his beer, watching as I slowly undid and glared with a small smile trying to hide laughter.

"Not cool." I got up as he finished his bottle and tossed it in the bin by the grill.

"What? I can't play with our dog."

"Not when you try to get him to jump on me." I punched his shoulder as he whistled to get them indoors, "asshole."

"But I'm your asshole." He smirked as he tugged me back into his arms and pinned me against the glass door softly to steal a kiss.

"Yeah, only because I can't return you.... They sold me a lemon."

He lit up with laughter and lifted me up to carry me to the couch. The rest of the night would be spent on distracting me from my thoughts.... But how could it work? All I did was worry about what would come of this now. We put so much hope into it and got excited and now, now it got real and gave us a slim chance of gaining our new dream.


	19. Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ultrasound

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

It was the end of our mild vacation in a few days, Jason was out for the moment being examined, ray was leading but had already put in for teaching duty to fulfill a requirement... Everything was chaotic, and today wasn't helping my nerves. Sax schedule her baby appointment for today and I was nothing but nerves. To many emotions hitting and I was trying to prove I was anything but emotional.  _ **How can I be a dad? We tried before and failed, now it's starting again and I can't help but dread the same outcome. Am I meant to be a dad? I'm not like Ray or Jace, they are great fathers like Nate was. Sax could easily be a good mom, she took care of me the first go around and did more then enough to prove it.... But have I?**_

"Sonny boy, can you feed the dogs so I can get my shoes on. We don't have long." I glanced up as she walked out in jeans and a tight shirt I knew she loved and would have to retire till after the baby.

"Yeah, I got it." 

I got up and fed the dogs, barely noticing when they were running for the bowl. I sat the bag down and just stared at it, thoughts drifting off again.  _ **Can I do this? Can I be a dad?**_

"Sonny, babe look at me." She snapped her fingers and I turned to her.

"Yeah."

"Something interesting about that bag?"

"What? No. Why?" I walked towards her for a kiss.

"You have been staring at that bag for five minutes." She frowned as I kissed her gently, "you sure you're ok?"

"Of course. Sonny Quinn is always fine." I brushed it off as we walked towards her truck.

"And yet I worry... Seriously though," she slipped into the truck and turned to me as I started it up, "you zoned out, you had to be thinking. I seen the smoke form the wheels trying to turn up there."

I smirked, "I'm fine. Let's just get through this so we can do nothing the rest of the day."

She leaned back and buckled up, bare feet on the dash as she put on sunglasses and watched out the window that was down. Sun beating down, heat rolling around and cooling down with the speed we were at, a calming touch of reality as my mind watched the road as I drove without using my mind. She had the radio on and was just humming along as she rubbed her belly,  _ **She'll be a great mom, could I be half as good a dad?**_

The time flew by, pulling into the hospital and slowly finding a spot for her big truck. She slipped on Her shoes and hoped out carefully as I walked around to help her. I had my cap on, black shirt and jeans. We walked in and after a moment of signing in sat down. She leamed against the wall and skimmed the magazines as my nerves won out again. I turn my ball cap backwards and held my beard for a second before intertwining my fingers...  _ **Maybe I was wrong? Maybe I'm not dad material... It doesn't even feel real.**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I glanced at sonny, the small distant look he had made me sick. I couldn't fix it yet, I didn't even know why to try. So I leaned in, arms wrapping around his one as he glanced towards me.

"Excited?"

He nodded and it drew the attention of another lady waiting, "first time?"

"Yeah, just a few months." I smiled as he kept looking at me before the lady spoke again.

"This must be the proud father? Look like an army man if I seen one."

"Navy." He glanced over, "we both were once."

"Must have a great meeting story." She chuckled, "baby number four and my man is over sea at the moment. Army."

"Sorry to hear that." I gave a half frown.

"Don't be, after the second kid I begged him to go on deployment so I could deal with everything. Besides, this appointment is my lunch break away from the brats back home with their aunt." This got a small chuckled from all of us, "So do you know gender yet?"

"No. Never even heard the heartbeat yet." I kissed his shoulder before finishing, "just got back from deployment himself."

"That's good to hear, first pregnancy is always the hardest. You never know what to expect." She rubbed her belly and smiled, "always better to have everyone there for you too."

 "How far along are ya?" Sonny was engaging, probably as a distraction from the actual test.

"Seven months, baby's kicking and I'm not getting much sleep." She chuckled, "what about you?"

"A day shy of four months." I sighed, "first time I can really get an ultrasound."

The lady smiled but was interrupted by the nurse stepping out, "Saxon Reigns."

I slowly stood and sonny move carefully, mainly to steady me as I waviered on my stance. He held my arm, walking with me back to the room and stopping at the door. I looked back a second and took his hand, a small tug got him in as the nurse pulled everything out and made me lay on the bed. I laid back, closing my eyes a second as she pushed my shirt up a little and tucked a towel in the edge of my jeans. She went through all the small things and then started explaining everything to me and sonny as we waited.

"First time?"

I nodded and sonny just looked freaked out.

"Ok, don't worry. This'll be easy." She smiled, "today we will be getting some photos for the doctor to see of the baby. That way they can keep an eye on him. And if the little guy or girl permits, we can get gender."

"Sounds good." I smiled.

 "Ok, this gel might be a little cold. The cabby warmer doesn't always keep a good temp." She picked up the bottle and gave a small squirt.

The wand came down and she rubbed it around, pushing in a little and tapping her keyboard. This repeated for several minutes as I glanced at sonny and his face was in his hands. _**What do you say to fix that?**_ I rolled my eyes and took his hand before glancing over to the tech. She gave a big smile and looked at us.

"Ok, are you ready for gender?"

I nod and sonny looked up, squeezing my hand as she turned the screen. The grainy grey, white, and black picture came up and i was struggling to make anything out. The picture was hard to see but, all I seen was a little ball and it brought a frown to me. Then she gave a small push down to get a better view, and the ball unrolled. You seen only where the legs were from this angle she had.... And I tried not to laugh.

"It's a boy."

Sonny chuckled and it was great to hear it even if his face wasn't quite to the point of this being real. She shifted the wand and found a better angle, then looked at us again. She flipped a switch and you heard a lot of noise then a steady rhythm. Sonny's face crumpled just a little and I squeezed his hand.

"What is that?"

"The heartbeat." I smiled, "that's our boys heartbeat."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

The tech nodded in agreement with sax and then it hit. This finally felt real. A baby boy that I help make.... The sound was pounding in my head, a peaceful rhythm like when I listened to her heartbeat. I smiled, the pure joy was sitting in.  _ **I have a son, baby boy. Sax and me have a baby boy.**_ Sax tugged my hand and I looked at her.  _ **This is real... I am going to be a dad.**_

"Ok, I will get some pictures printed off. Is there anything else you would like?" The tech put the wand away and was wiping off sax's stomach.

"Can I get a recording of the heartbeat?"

"Absolutely, already have one record for the doctor." She smiled, "let me get those for you."

She left the room and sax sat up and turned to me, "is it real yet?"

"Yeah." I smiled, "we're having a boy."

"Yeah, you finally get your son." She leaned in for a kiss and then the door opened.

She handed us an envelope and a small flash stick, we left and slowly made our way out after sax spent a while in the bathroom. She was glowing, the biggest smile I've seen since I got home. This was exactly what we needed after the adoption talk, the little bit of hope.


	20. Ready to tell

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

_**With everything happening lately, happy news with the baby would be helpful with this team.**_ I looked in the mirror checking over my slowly growing belly.  _ **But is it best?**_ I pulled my shirt tight and looked at the belly, rounding out ever so slightly.  _ **Good news can be good... But with so much bad it could cause cracks.**_ I sighed and closed my eyes,  _ **Which way is best?**_

It was less then a minute, then I had two hands around my belly lifting my shirt to feel it and not just see it under my top. A set of lips grazed my neck and a soft beard rubbed against my shoulder and back. 

"What're you doing beautiful?"

"Looking at my bump." I hummed.

"That's your thinking face, I know that face." He turned my face gently towards his, "what're you thinkin about?"

I opened up and looked at him a mimemo before kissing him, "when do we share about the baby? I mean everyone knows but we have the photos and gender..."

He watched me as I trailed off and walked over to the bed. He sighed and rubbed his neck, looking at his feet before turning his hat backwards and kneeling at the end of the bed.

"What do you want to do?" He asked as he rubbed my knee.

"Whatever is best for the current situations." I looked at his feet framing mine inside his.

"No, no, no." He shook his head and tipped my eyes up to see his, "What. Do. You. Want. To. Do?" He enunciated each word and added plenty of emphasis to make it clearer.

 _ **What do you want? Do you even know?**_ I closed my eyes and he kissed my head as I hide my face against his chest.

"Hey breath, just breath sax." He rubbed my back as I took deep breaths to settle my nerves. 

My skin felt tight, clinging tightly to my muscle and bone. I could feel my pulse from the pound in my head and chest, a throbbing sting in my throat like I was going to vomit. A chill ran up my spine and I didn't even flinch, I couldn't because this feeling was one I had lost when me and sonny got back together. Only a brief reaccurance during deployment.... But now it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was having a panic attack for no reason. My eyes squeezed shut as he held me the best he could with my shaking, hugging and accepting me was supposed to help but right now I couldn't.

"N-n-n-no, no...." I pushed him back, "sorry... I can't... Space." 

He raised his hands and watched me for a second, "ok, just breathe."

I took a deep breath and felt my body loosen.

"That's it. Breathe." He stood up and watched as I slowly leaned back on the bed, "better?"

"I'm sorry." I whispered and teared up as he pulled me up to his chest again, "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be... We all have issues." He whispered in my ear, "I have way more than you, everyone thinks so."

I chuckled as he kissed my head again, "thanks."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

It had been a few days since her panic attack, but I couldn't get it outta my head. I knew stuff had changed but I never seen that reaction or her push me away. _**Was it the pregnancy? Was it me? Was it something I missed?**_ I closed my eyes and sighed, sitting in my locker and looking at the photo of our boy. I was the only one here at the moment, but no doubt the rest of the team would be here soon.... Minus Jason. He wasn't cleared yet.

I couldn't look away from the picture, _**the boy that is a miracle**_. I sighed and started to sit it down as a voice came from behind.

"What's up man?" Clay walked to his locker and smirked at me, seeing me put something down on my trunk, "what you got there?"

"Nothin. Hear from Jason yet?"

"He isn't cleared and doesn't look to be anytime soon." Clay tossed his jacket down and walked to me, "so what were you lookin at?"

"Nothing much." I left the picture on the trunk, turning to him as he leaned on the wire.

"It's the baby isn't it?" He leaned in, "you don't have to hide the excitement or are you not exited?"

I shook my head and tossed my hat on my small shelf, "I have no idea anymore." 

He motioned to the picture and I handed it up. He smiled as he looked at it, shaking his head before handing it back. 

"I'm guessing it's a boy. Or does your daughter have three legs?" He chuckled with me as I ran my fingers over the edge, "congrats man."

"Yeah." I slipped the photo in the wire, "I just wished everything else was going good too."

The photo was next to a small group of others, reminding me of everything I have. Family, friends, sax, and now a baby on the way. Clay leaned in but didn't intrude. 

"Hey, don't let everything else bring down this moment." He patted my shoulder, "good news is always good."

It went silent for a moment before he moved away as we heard boots coming in. The team was filing in, back to work after deployment and a little rest. It took no time for us to get back to ourselves and ray to lead us on a quick in and out mission. We arrive home in the middle of the night afterwards, the good old fashion way. I was ready, everyone was but a little nervous. Without Jason it felt wrong and we tried to distract ourselves around work. A small smile came to my face as it turned to the baby and I had to tell them. One of the photos tucked into my breast pocket to show. Everything was starting to feel good again... Slowly.


	21. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax finally gets rid of the annoying bar flirt.

* * *

_**Sax** _

* * *

I was at work, covering for a sick bartender. I wouldn't have to close luckily but I definitely was going to be here till seven. Originally sonny was planning to take me out, we can discuss how we wanted to tell everyone but he kinda already slipped a little. I really didn't mind, he was really excited but I did mind missing a date night. 

About ten minutes later, my phone buzzed and I answered the call at a glance, "hey babe."

"Hey beautiful, you're practically glowing you're so beautiful."

"Try that again when I'm not on the phone." I chuckled, "what's up?"

"When you off?"

"Seven, maybe a little sooner. Why?"

 "I want to redeem this night. You know drinks maybe." 

"I can't drink smartass." I rolled my eyes.

"Then let us." He had a smirk to his tone, "Stella and clay wants to stop by for a drink or two."

"Ok, send them to the bar and I'll join you guys when I get off work." 

"Love you Saxon." 

"You're an asshole sonny." I hung up and finished out the work. 

The usual crowd settling in and drinks started flowing. I was working the crowd, getting everything going. Many of them were asking about the baby, teasing me for working when I should just rest up. I brushed it off and kept going till I seen clay and Stella come in. I waved and they walked over.

"Hey guys." I stood on the small bar step behind the bar to hug Stella over the counter. 

"Hey sax." She chuckled, "I thought you were going to be sitting with us?"

"My shift is done in twenty. So start drinking now so I don't feel left out when I finally get to sit and pig out on the food." I got a hug from clay and handed them each a beer. 

They sat down after I swore sonny would be by soon. I was working down the bar when my business partner threw me under the bus with only ten minutes to go. I sighed and rubbed my neck as he spoke.

"So, if we get a good round of applause... Maybe just maybe we can get everyone's favorite singer up here." He smiled, "come on sax."

The bar was full of applause and I had no where to hide, he had forced me back to the mic. I tossed down my rag and slowly walked to the stage, the guitarist and Kyle both helping me up as he dropped the mic stand to my level.

"Ok, one song ya'll." I turned back, "make it good now."

The tune started off a little slow as I smirked and rocked with the music a little. 

" _We got winners, we got losers,_  
Chain smokers and boozers.  
An' we got yuppies, we got bikers,  
An' we got , thirsty hitchhikers.  
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars.  
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I love this bar.  
We got cowboys, we got truckers,  
Broken hearted fools and suckers.  
An' we got hustlers, we got fighters,  
Early birds and all nighters.  
And the veterans talk about their battle scars:  
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I love this bar." 

I smiled as the crowd started singing along at parts. Glancing up, I see sonny standing at the back holding a beer and chuckling with a regular. I shook my head and kept going.

" _I love this bar,_  
_It's my kind of place._  
_Just walk in through the front door,_  
_Puts a big smile on my face._  
_It ain't too far, come as you are._  
_Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I love this bar._ _I've seen short skirts, we've got high-techs,_  
_Blue collar boys and rednecks._  
_An' we got lovers, lots of lookers,_  
_An' I've even seen dancin' girls and hookers,_  
_And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar:_  
_Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I love this bar, yes I do!"_

I motioned for everyone to join in, " _I like my truck, (I like my truck),_  
_An' I like my boyfriend, ( I like my boyfriend),_  
_I like to take him out to dinner,_  
_I like a movie now and then...._  
_But I love this bar,_  
_It's my kind of place._  
_Just trolling around the dance floor,_  
_Puts a big smile on my face._  
_No cover charge, come as you are._  
_Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I love this bar._  
_Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I just love this ol' bar."_

The crowd laughed as I gave the last little bit, _"We got divorcees and a big bouncer man_  
_An old jukebox and a real bad band_  
_We got waitresses and we got barflies_  
_A dumb-ass and a wise-guy_  
_If you get too drunk just sleep out in your car."_

Everyone joined in for the last line _, "Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, I just love this bar."_

"thank you everyone, I am officially out." I stepped off stage as everyone laughed.

I made it behind the bar to grab my coat, sonny slowly walking to join clay and Stella. I was slowly working my way around when a hand grabs my wrist and I instantly knew who it was.

"Carrying my baby, baby?" 

I cringed and glared at him, "seriously? Get a good line for once Maverick."

"Come on sax, you know you want a real man." He leaned in and I pulled my arm away.

"Maverick, I know your not drunk but I will throw you out anyways. Leave me alone." I shook my head and started to walk out to the table when Maverick grabbed my arm again.

"Come on baby, don't tease me."

"Yeah, don't tease sax." I looked over with a smirk as my hero came to save me.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I had just sat down with Clay and Stella. We were talking about the baby and our first ultrasound when clay nods as a sign to turn around.

"The guy is relentless."

I watched as sax pulled away and started to walk only for him to grab her arm again.

"Yeah, I bet that's Maverick." I got up and started over slowly as I heard him push.

"Come on baby, don't tease me."

**_He is really pushing,_** I stepped up behind him and smirked, "Yeah, don't tease sax."

The guy turned around and I almost felt sorry... Almost. He looked me over as I stepped past him and looked at sax.

"You good?"

"Yeah sonny." She tipped her head, "I just want off my feet."

"Wait a minute, we were talking here." The kid was blocking our way.

"No you weren't." I put my arm around sax, "not even close."

"Why don't we step outside?"

That got a few looks from around the bar and sax tugged my hand, "don't you dare. Sonny Quinn, I swear I will kill you."

I looked at her and nodded, following her as she moved past him. He gave no resistance until I was walking by, he hit my shoulder. I paused, feeling the eyes on me and sax squeezing my hand. I kept walking and made it to the table to sit by sax. She sipped her water and chuckled as clay was surprised.

"Can't believe you didn't hit him."

"I am more scared of sax then that guy." I looked over, "she would kill me."

She shrugged, "maybe... Maybe not."

Everyone chuckled and we let the night pass by. She moved in close and we stayed like this till we were ready to go. Clay and Stella were starting out and I took sax's hand as we started out. She went over to my bike, kissing my cheek as I was starting to grab the helmets. That's when that annoying voice was back.

"Running away are we?" 

I didn't look at him, but sax did and she was officially starting to lose it. Clay and Stella both stopped by his truck, turning back as the kid walked over.

"Sax talked you up to be some big man, you're looking piss poor to me." Maverick pushed my shoulder.

"Back off." She glared.

"Or what? He can't do shit." 

She looked at me and nodded. I turned to the kid and just chuckled.

"Hit me with your best shot."

The kid started to swing and I seen clay walking over. Maverick hit my arm and I punched him Immediately sending him backwards. He went wide eyed as his three buddies got closer. It wasn't something I haven't done, but when I seen clay walking over I couldn't help but laugh as I seen the next few swings. It was an all out brawl.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I watched as son y knocked the one kid into Maverick and clay immediately stepped in to help him. Four on two wasn't fair but I wasn't in the position to fight and they were doing so well. I could hardly watch with the amount of blood they brought forward. I was speechless, it was basically finished and sonny barely had a scratch. He stepped back and thanked clay with a head nod before he left quickly. I only hoped Stella didn't mind, I wasn't for this kinda violence either outside their work. Sonny looked down at Maverick and bent down.

"Listen here, sax is taken and she isn't looking for anything else right now. Leave her alone or I'll be back." He stood up and got on the bike after rubbing her jaw. 

I slipped on behind him and kissed his shoulder, "thanks sonny."

"Sorry sax." He whispered back before speeding off. 

I hated what just happened, but a small part of me was happy... Maybe I could get work done without Maverick flirting with me anymore. And as much as it pained me to think, I really did love sonny defending me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was a little rushed at the end. I was spacing out on the fight scene and was struggling to get it wrote down.


	22. A long night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax struggles to sleep, sonny doesn't fair better.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Here lately, I have been feeling the pain of pregnancy. Morning sickness that had became day sickness. Never being able to stop eating and only making me more nauseous. My back was killing me. I had no bladder to speak of and I was already begging for this to be over.

Some of the nights recently, I would wake up and sneak off to the couch. Sonny never woke up until morning and he would carry me back to bed or tuck me in better under the blankets. It looked like it was killing him, I wasn't even far along and everything was going haywire. I kept that in mind as I got ready for bed tonight.

Sonny was on the couch with Cerberus and Tex, finishing up a movie as I went to the bathroom. I did the usual ritual, brush teeth, comb hair, change clothes, lotion up to stop stretch marks... That's where I paused. I looked down at my belly, the small bump just about four and a half weeks along. It was growing, but it still wasn't huge. Yet I felt like I was about to explode. 

"Hey little guy, what are you doing to me?" I chuckled, "you're killing me."

A small kick made me groan then I went to bed. Sonny would be in soon, he was barely awake and always tried to lay down with me when he was home. I pulled the sheets over rme and sighed, trying to relax my body. Ten minutes later, I felt a warm body press to mine.

"Tired?"

"Yeah babe." I rolled over to face him, "our little man is kicking up a storm."

Sonny smiled and rested his hand on my belly, "maybe daddy can calm him down."

I smiled as he rubbed my belly, a small grin from feeling the kicks. In no time he stopped and we were out like a light. More like he was and I woke up after an hour. The little guy was demanding food and me not to sleep, I gave in. Back to the kitchen, finding some crackers and cuddling up on the couch as Tex came out to sleep beside me.

"Hey baby boy, wanna keep momma company?"

He curled up on my feet and i covered him up. He slept on myfeet to keep me warm and i tried to find something to watch as I ate crackers all night like I did the night before. I knew that's what would happen, I had no doubts.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I woke up, feeling my arm flat against the matress as I sighed, "not again. She's gonna kill herself if she keeps this up."

I sat up and pulled the sheets back, walking back out to the living room and sneaking up on the couch. Sax was stretched out, dog at her feet and crackers on her lap.  _ **If this is pregnancy, one kid is more then enough. I can't go through this any more.**_ I put a hand on her shoulder and held her down so she didn't jump out of her skin.

"You're suppose to sleep in a bed." I chuckled, "and your sleep eating is getting out of hand."

"I wish, this baby won't let me sleep. He just wants food." She rolled her eyes, "get some sleep, never know when your shipping out."

"Yeah, can't sleep without you." She blushed as I kissed her head, "come back to bed."

"Not comfortable, it was killing my back." She closed her eyes, "just get some sleep sonny."

"Not without you." I lifted her up and laughed as she clung to me. 

The dog huffed and curled back up. I walked sax to the bed and dropped her on it with a gentle bounce. She shook her head as I pulled a package of crackers out of the intable.

"New rule, I don't sleep if you don't sleep."

"That's a bad rule." She went wide eyed, "you get tired on an OP and people get killed, you could get killed."

"Then I guess you need to sleep." I kissed her, "tell me how I can help."

"That's just it, I don't know." She looked down at her toes, watching as they wiggled, "I haven't even figured it out. How can I tell you?"

"Ok, plan b." I sat down across from her, pulling her toes to me as I started to rubbed them, "let's talk."

"Sonny...."

"I'm not sleeping till you are." I looked up, "I love you, just deal with it."

"And that's why our first time around went so well." She rolled her eyes, "you're more stubborn then a bull."

"Then why are you here?" I asked and watched as she reached out gently to take one of my hands.

"Because I'm an idiot." We both laughed and then she shifted to face away from me, "can you get my back?"

I started to rub her back and she moaned a little, "ok, I know I have magic hands but you are never this boisterous."

"Don't worry, I can't fake it around you." She giggled before moaning again at a rough spot, "oh yeah right there."

"So are we gonna talk or are you just going to moan and make it even harder for me to sleep."

"Litterally." She mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." She sighed, "I am just worried. About everything you know."

"I get it." I nod, "still waiting to hear from Davis. I never thought about the paperwork or anything that went with all of it."

"You thought we could just take kids from a war torn country and call them ours?"

"No but..." I rested my head on her shoulder, "I didn't think it would be this hard. They have no parents and I want to take them to a better place."

"And if we made them slaves?"

"That's ridiculous." I huffed.

"Then stop pouting. Your beard is scratching my shoulder in a not good way."

I sat up, pulling her against my chest, "just go to sleep then. That way we can both sleep and you don't have to worried about my beard."

"I can only try, and let the baby force me back up." She took a cracker and looked down at my hand on her belly, "he isn't going to be an easy napper."

"Oh yeah, sucks to be you home alone with the baby."

"When you aren't gone you will be on baby duty." She warned, "stop thinking you won't. Start getting tips from Ray and Jace."

"I should be giving them tips." I chuckled as she looked up at me, "I am the greatest dad ever."

"Correction, you will never be left alone with the baby." She pulled away and I pulled her back.

"No, no, no... You are stuck."

"I can sleep, I can... Let me try." She reached for her pillow and I let her go as she tackled it and curled up, "warm pillow, no scratchy."

"Are you trying to say you hate the beard?" I laid down beside her.

"No never." She nods and then kisses me, "you know I love that beard." 

"Funny." I pulled her in, "can you get some sleep now? Or should I sing."

I cleared my throat and she pushed a pillow in my face, "sing and I'll smoother you."

I pushed the pillow away, "ok...ok sleep."

She cuddled up to me, resting my hand on her hip and tummy carefully. I held her as her eyes finally closed and she slowly went to bed after some small nonsense talk. She was slowly out, pulse evening out as I kissed her head.

"Sleep tight sax." I whispered in her ear and laid back, falling asleep beside her.

We would only get a couple hours of sleep, but it was worth it.


	23. Movement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movement on the adoption... And in dax's belly.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I stretched and rolled over, finding sonny's side of the bed empty. Sitting up carefully, I wiggled off to get up and find him. A quick search of the house turns up nothing but before I could worry, Cerberus was gone too.  _ **Must be a job.**_ I looked at the kitchen and seen the note on the fridge.

> _ Morning Beautiful, _
> 
> _ Got called in in the middle of the night, didn't want to wake you. Be home soon, don't over work yourself and don't go leaving on me. Miss you already. _
> 
> _ Love,  _
> 
> _ Sonny _

I smiled and held the note in my hands,  _ **At least he left a note.**_ I sat it down, sighing in relief before moving on to my day. I wasn't suppose to work today, me and sonny were going to relax and talk about where everything was. He said something about news from Davis on the adoption but didn't tell me because we were both tired.

I decided to focus on food so this baby would stop kicking my insides like he's a soccer player. I decided on eggs and cooked up two beautiful scrambled beauties with some toast before sitting down. I had a glass of juice in hand since I knew I shouldn't be having coffee. First bite in mouth, then my face twisted and it went to the napkin I grabbed by luck.

"God, why does it taste horrible?" I spat out what I could and rinsed my mouth.

It took a moment but it clicked,  _ **Pregnancy can change food flavors.**_ I looked at the toast and whimpered, getting up for jam but only find strawberry and crying as I spread it on. I felt like a lunatic, crying over fucking strawberry jam on my toast and not being able to eat eggs.  _ **I'm a mess..... I need sonny.**_ I sat curled up crying, holding my belly as this damn boy wouldn't lighten up...  _ **I need sonny... God I need him.**_

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was on the plane, flying in to the jungle. Already on edge, I wasn't feeling better as Davis came up. She nodded to the side and the guys looked over for a second before I followed Davis.

"What's up?"

"I got news back on the adoption." She was looking me in the eyes as I locked eyes with her, "we have a chance."

"A chance?" I raised a brow.

"They are technically orphans without any known family. They helped us in the war... They are open to the idea of helping them." She smiled, "you have to do a meeting with a small council, you and sax with Blackburn as your superior. They want to know the reasons why and see what they did to help and they can fast track everything for you."

"So we have to go before cake eaters and say why we deaerde to adopt two orphans?" I scuffed, "damn it."

"That's why you have the team with you and I will be there to make sure they don't get the wrong feeling about you. A few character witnesses and peoe who know you and the kids, they'll be with you two before you know it."

"Ok, what comes after the approval?"

"They will handle the government, filling out all the small details so that you two can fly in and sign the papers and leave with the kids." She smiled, "as long as everything goes right, the wrost thing over there will be some paperwork and a court visit to claim guardianship so they can leave the country with you."

"So we can do this." I whispered and nodded, "we can still help them out of there."

"Thanks to you and sax, Dorri and Shuhpur just might achieve the dream of being citizens of the USA." 

I smiled and reached over to hug her, not caring about the scene around us.  _ **We can do this, we can actually do this.**_ She pulled back as everyone laughed, my mind coming back to the scene around us as she walked away chuckling.  _ **Ok, ok we can do this.**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I cried myself out, getting up from my seat on the floor against the cupboards. The jam and toast wasn't bad, but I really wanted more and nothing sounded good. Nothing was sticking out and half of the smells of the food in the fridge made me gag. I kept looking around and eventually found a small stash of junk sonny hid. I smiled and pulled a few things and sat on the couch.

The rest of the day was binge watching and bathroom trips. I borrowed his food and just tried to keep my emotions in check, but it was hard. I was dying of boredom and loss of affection. I needed someone here and Tex wasn't cutting it. As I was about to call in backup, I heard that familiar roar of an engine and I ran to the garage as sonny and Cerberus got home. Cerberus ran by and to his bowl, sonny stopped at the bottom of the small steps to the home.

"Hey beautiful." He smirked and I practically jumped to his arms for a hug, "missed me?"

"Shut up and hug me, I have felt lonely all day because I woke up without you."

He chuckled and gave me a kiss before insisting we go inside, that's when he turned to me with a smile, "so I have news."

"On what?"

"The adoption. Davis explained what comes next and you are involved." He took my hand and pulled me to the couch to sit down, "why don't you sit and I'll cook something."

"I would skip that." I sighed, "nothing sounds good and it has to be late."

He checked the time, "three am." 

"Really?" I frowned as he chuckled and pulled me to him on the couch to cuddle.

"Ok, let's nap then. I'll explain everything in the morning. I want to hear about your day." 

I dropped my smile, "well, that's a long story. I'll tell you tomorrow too."

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed softly, "ok, let's just nap with the dogs."


	24. Just through the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and sax prepare for the hearing.

* * *

_**Sonny**_

* * *

It had been a few weeks since I got back from that OP and told sax the good news. We we're excited, beyond a doubt. But as we got ready for the hearing this evening, the nerves kicked in. Sax hugged me from behind as we stood in the back yard that needed a little work. 

"A baby on the way and two kids coming from over sea... Talk about a mix-matched family." I closed my eyes as she pinched my arm.

"Ha ha. Have you heard from dorri or shahpur?" She hugged me to look at her. 

"Just the letter from last week." I sighed, "I sent one back but I don't have high hopes."

"The mail never makes it through easy on that side of the base." She frowned and I pulled her in.

"Don't worry, we have this. No one will let us down."

It took a few minutes but I got her inside and we got ready. I seen the hesitant look in her eyes. She was scared, worried. Standing there in the nicest outfit she could find with her growing size. At five months, she was struggling to cover up and find anything that wasn't leaving a gap litterally showing her stomach. I seen her frustration, rubbing her shoulders before she would lose it. 

"Just breath." I chuckled and kissed her cheek, "it's just a bunch of cake eaters."

"That can ruin everything in seconds." She reminded me as I walked to her closet and threw a dress at her.

"Try this."

"I'm not wearing this." She grumbled and walked to her closet pushing me away.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I hung the short tank dress back up. Scanning through, I find a shirt dress that was decent seeing as it covered with only a little binding. I slipped it on and his whistle only made me feel better. 

"Beautiful as always." He kissed me again as I watch him actually put on his dress blues.

"Your dress blues? Your not taking any risks are you." I smiled and watched as he fixed each piece.

"Cake eaters, they like the uniform and all that." He shrugged.

"Everyone else?"

"Yeah, hoping it makes an impact." He nods.

"Here let me help." I offered as I fixed his tie, "you always had sloppy hands when tying anything."

He chuckled softly and watched in the mirror as I fixed it, "and you always cleaned up so well."

"Despite my badass nature, I am a girl and I look damn girl with a little prep time and energy." I smirked as he looked down at me.

"You do, but you look best in my shirt singing in the kitchen when you think I'm asleep." He kissed my blushing cheek, "I can't wait to see you as a mother. You'll be amazing."

"Back at you sonny boy." I smiled and slipped on my shoes.

"Not so much, I know you'll be great but I'm not so sure with me."

That made me turn back to him as he fixed his hair and put on the cap, "what do you mean? Sonny, babe, you are going to be the greatest dad."

"I really doubt that, I'm barely an adult half the time." He turned back towards me, "I'm never home with work as it is..."

"You were on deployment, doesn't count." I tried but he shook his head.

"No, i seen ray and jace... I've seen how all this plays out. I love you sax but you're the one raising the kids and I'm just here occasionally." He pulled me up from my sitting spot on the bed.

"Sonny, do their kids hate them for not being around? I doubt it. My dad was gone a lot when I was growing up and it only made me want to spend more time with him when I could. Savor each second even if it was just watching TV." I pulled him gently to the kitchen, "we are going to be good parents, not perfect but good."

He seemed to be coming around to the idea when I hand him a beer. He sipped it down, calming his nerves as I cleaned up the kitchen and had a sandwich to stop the little guy from getting angry. Once sonny looked calmer, we started our drive. I got a text from clay, the whole team was there and ready to help us. I just took Sonny's free hand and squeezed it to make sure he was good. I prayed he was because as soon as we got out and walked in the door, there was no going back.


	25. Cake eaters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the big moment

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

We stood just outside the truck, taking a deep breath. Looking over sonny, his dress blues looked immaculate and I could tell he was starting to sweat. I wanted to say everything will be fine but right now, I don't know. Just fix my dress and take a breath, closing my eyes only for a hand to tug mine.

"Don't go getting nervous now, you're the smooth talker remember?" Sonny smirked and I adjusted to hold his hand as we entered. 

"Yeah, let's do this." 

We started into the building and down the hall. Turning the last corner and seeing the whole team in blues standing waiting for us was amazing. They all smiled and stood there chuckling as sonny stopped.

"You got him in a uniform." Brock laughed.

"Thanks for coming." I smiled as ray gave me a hug and Jason was waiting for his next.

"Of course, can't miss sonny in dress blues. He almost looks defeated in a uniform like that."

"Very funny." Sonny called back.

"And you are getting huge. How far along are you?" Ray asked as I hugged Jason.

"About five months." I pulled back, "I already can't see my toes and sonny is slow on helping me put on shoes."

"Careful man, sax has a brain and she can definitely get another guy. Remember the dude from the bar?" Clay smirked as I glared.

"No, but thank you for getting rid of him. I'm thanking you so sonny doesn't get an ego." 

Everyone laughed and sonny kissed my head, "ok, I think we're ready."

"You better be." Blackburn walked up from behind with Davis following, "you are pulling us in on our day off."

"Like you don't do that enough?" Sonny shook his hand, "thanks."

"Don't mention it. Let bring those kids to a propper home for saving our asses out there." 

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I took Saxons hand as we followed Blackburn in, walking into the worse place. A military court room. We weren't on a litteral trail but that's how it would feel. It's just us against the cake eaters, and we have to pursuade them to see our way. Sax tugged my hand to make me stop, Blackburn ahead of us starting it off and addressing the reason for this meeting. He introduced us then they started with the questions, one at a time. Sax and Blackburn left and I could tell she was nervous to leave me alone.

"Special Warfare Operator Sonny Quinn, you want to adopt two children from a war torn country?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I paused a moment, "because they helped us when we were there. Over my weeks there on duty, my off time was spent with them and we bonded."

"Is there service in helping your team the reason your doing this?"

"No." 

This went on for a while, when I left the next was called in. Blackburn, Jason, Ray, Brock, Trent, Clay, Davis... everyone went in and hopefully made us sound good. Everyone except Saxon. They haven't called her in, she was still sitting there panicking as each person came and go. 

I sat beside her as everyone else talked and joked, "hey, if you look like this going in there... They'll eat you alive."

"I know." She sat up a little straighter, "I just feel sick."

"Morning sickness?" Ray asked from across the way.

"I've been calling it sonny sickness." She smirked, "it only hits when he's around."

Everyone laughed, "ok, ok... Nice one."

I watched as she looked over, "no it's nerves. Not over the adoption as much as being in a court room again."

It was soft and unheard by anyone over the idle chat. The way she looked at me was enough to know what she meant.  _ **The last time she was in a courtroom was when she was discharged. She was barely able to get her uniform on, every scar and bruise... the way she winced with every move. She had to stand there and listen to them sentence her to a honorable discharge.**_ I kissed her head again and put an arm around her before whispering in her ear.

"You got this. You are the strongest woman I ever met, no one could ever compare to you." 

She smiled softly and I pulled back, turning back to conversation as she slowly came back down to herself. Everyone was saying it went well, nothing but good things said. But now I was really getting worried, bad things happen when everything is going good... Especially with cake eaters involved. I pull sax in close and made sure she knew I was there even if I was talking with everyone. Then came the moment, the lady asked for her and she stood up carefully as she walked in with a soft smile.  _ **Please be ok.**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I stepped in the room and felt the rush of memories flooding back. My body itching, legs wobbly... But I managed to stand before them avan if I felt like I was going to throw up. Even with the unwanted movie playing in my head showing the worse pain I ever felt.

> _I stood, full dress blues, waiting for the words I dreaded. One ar. Tingly and numb as the other begged to be itch where a knife had found a vein to trace. My knees locking in as straight A's can be or else I would be on the floor since my strength was down to nothing. I felt my calves tighten and struggled to keep them from moving._
> 
> **_Stay strong, you are a soldier... You know what they'll say but you are stronger then this._ **
> 
> _The words rang in my head, feeling hollow as I stood waiting. My superiors all watching and waiting. The long faces barely hidden as I held back tears._
> 
> _"Special Warfare Operator Saxon Reigns, it is our ruling that you should be honorably discharged due to medical."_

I closed my eyes as I stood there, heart pounding harder then I remembered. They watch me stand before them and whispered a moment before speaking.

"Ms, you may sit down." 

I shook my head as one of the attendees was bringing over a chair, "no thank you."

"Ok." The man nodded but had the chair put there in case, "Ms. Saxon Reigns, correct?"

"Yes."

"You are pregnant at the moment I see." He motions to my round belly, "first pregnancy?"

"Second, I lost the first one. Part of the reason for my discharge from the seals." I stood strong even as the fear crept in.

"Your file states discharge was due to injury. You were caputured on a mission and retrieved after...." He looked over the file, "two weeks in enemy hands."

"That's correct, the miscarriage was part of the injury."

"Our deepest apologies, you were a formal member of bravo team. This is where you met Sonny Quinn?"

"Technically in Green team." I corrected, "but yes, that was the beginning of our relationship."

"You are engaged, were engaged.... Not married."

"Yes, we were engaged at the time of discharge." 

"You two are not engaged or married now?"

"No."

"Then why do you want to adopt kids together?"

 I paused, thinking of how to phrase everything so it wasn't insulting, "because we love each other. We were denied our first chance at children and why I am pregnant now, we have connected with dorri and shuhpur. Sonny met them and while I haven't, I have talked with them and bonded despite the distance."

"Why do you want to adopt them?"

"Because I feel like they're family. And I never turn my back on family." I looked at each one of them as I answered, "the biggest thing I learned as a seal was team was all the family you need. At first I didn't take it to heart and I did turn my back on them When I was in pain but, I can't deny that it hurt. I came back and yet to come near doubting them. They're my family, I won't let it happen again."

"It's unconventional, you're not even engaged and you are adopting kids. With Quinn off, whateans do you have to raise and support them?"

"I am half owner of a bar that makes very good money. I own my home free and clear. It has plenty of room and I can make my own schedule to work around home." 

"Is there anything else?" The man asked his fellow judges but I took the chance to speak.

"I know me and sonny aren't conventional sirs, baby on the way and we are not even engaged, but we love each other. Even if we don't label it or sign a paper to say so. We don't want to adopt dorri and shuhpur because they helped them overseas, we want to adopt them because sonny had a bond with them and I did to even if I never seen them in person. We wrote to them all the time and they wrote back the best they can, we video chat often and send care packages. We don't need your ruling to do so, it might make it go faster but we can still take conventional routes and succeed. We are here because we have faith that the government we served and risked our lives for would help us in our simple dream. A family. And those two kids, they are our family, not by blood, but by love."

The men watched but dismissed me afterwards. I went out to sonny and a dozen eyes, everyone waiting.

"So?"

"They are deliberating right now. Well be called in soon." I looked down and rubbed my belly, "hopefully."

"Hungry?" Jason asked as Davis handed over a candy bar, "short notice but it's something."

"Thanks." I took a bite.

Sonny was watching closely and stood up to pull me into a hug. He was trying to comfort me, trying to make me feel safe before I started to shake. It worked but everyone felt the mood shift, souring out with worry. Luckily we wouldn't wait long before me and sonny went in alone. Standing side by side as they read off their ruling.

"Special Warfare Operator Sonny Quinn, Ms. Saxon Reign, it is our ruling that the US government will help help you with this adoption."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, sonny smiling as they gave us a moment and I swore I seen him tear up. I hugged him, letting his arms fall around me as they cleared their throats to gain the attention back.

"Thank you." Spoke clearly as we both looked up.

"Thank Ms. Reign, her words won us over. We will be in touch with Blackburn to make sure everything I filed and you'll be the proud parents of two children soon."

Sonny practically carried me out and everyone knew the verdict. Everyone smiled and laughed, hugging me and congratulating us as we walked in the knowledge, we won.  _ **Dorri and Shuhpur will be coming to a new home, hopefully a better home.**_


	26. Stop your worries

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

This was the waiting game, letting the days go by as I sat at home with little to do because going to the bar with this growing belly was becoming harder. Sonny had the team, he would come and go. When he was here I would curled up beside him, talking about anything that came to mind. He would go work out and other things and I would leave the house on rare occasion. 

At work I was useless outside paperwork at the moment, my stomach was in the way. My feet were killing me if I was on them more then twenty minutes. Morning sickness would become day sickness if I wasn't careful... Kyle was really insistent I didn't work the bar or stand for to long. So I worked the mornings before anyone got in and did ordering before heading home or sitting in the office to do more work. Strangely, I felt like I was becoming more reclusive the further into my pregnancy I got.

Today I was sitting in the office, paperwork done and just making a short list for orders in the morning. Kyle had been covering at the bar but since it was six, we didn't have a lot of people. I was about to give it up and head home when a knock stirred my thoughts and turned my head to the door.

"Hello beautiful." Sonny smirked and dropped his sunglasses down his nose to see me clearly, "what are you doing here all alone?"

"Getting out of my house." I sighed and chuckled softly at the cowboy hat, "my baby daddy abandoned me for the day."

"Throw him out sax!" Kyle's voice cane from behind sonny as he turned back to look.

"Ay, stop speaking the truth." 

I laughed as I heard a few voices on the other side did also, "to what do I owe this interruption?"

"You need to get out of the house and not for work. Stop stressing. Stop worrying.... Stop thinking about the adoption." He stepped in and pulled me up, "come on, I have a plan."

"Sonny with a plan, that's scary." I stood up and took my jacket, "tell me and I might come along."

"It's a surprise." He smirked.

I stepped out by the bar and seen a few regulars chuckling, "he owes you for that little bump he gave you."

"Order everything on the menu and make him pay."

"Doesn't work, I think I still make more than him." I raised a brow as they all whistled and laughed at that.

"You wound me." Sonny put a hand over his heart, "seriously, you need an distraction and I need some good time alone with you."

A soft sigh was my only reply before I took Sonny's hand. The guys all waved goodbye and a few suggestions about what to do to him when he messes up. Kyle nods and sends me on, barely out the door. I went towards my truck and he stopped me, pulling me to the motorcycle.

"I'm a whale sonny, we both won't fit."

"Trust me." He smiled and got on, waiting till I was on the back with my feet on the rest.

He gave me a helmet and I held on loosely but firm as he took off down the highway heading to the coast. I watched the country side rolling around us as we made it back by the cliffs and ocean. The waves crashed on the rocks along the beach and cliffs, my head resting on Sonny's back as he pulled off in a small sand parking lot. 

I slowly got up, helmet in the rear of the bike as sonny helped me on my way down the small beaten path. I unzipped my staining jacket, the cotton biker style jacket stetched around my soft blue t-shirt. My jeans felt a little tight after the drive, sneakers a little tight as my bladder was starting to demand release. Sonny got me down by the water and chuckled as I seen the blanket and I raised a brow.

"Wait, you planned this? You.... You sonny Quinn."

"Stop sounding so surprised." He chuckled and kissed my cheek, "small picnic as well. I know your appetite is unreasonable lately."

"Unreasonable? I am eating for two because you knocked me up." I slapped his arm before I felt that familiar tingle, "damn it."

"What?"

I looked around and then frowned, "baby is kicking a bad spot."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

"You need to go?" I chuckled as she groaned and started to cross her legs.

"Not at all sonny, shit why can't you be romantic somewhere with a bathroom." She glanced around and I rolled my eyes.

"You've done this in the wilderness before." I took her hand, "come on."

"Sorry." She pulled back, "can't do that with this in the way."

She pointed at her belly and I pulled her in, "then trust me enough to help."

She followed but she was unsure. I walked over by some bushes and trees, turning her to lean against it as I held her arms to keep her steady. She was glaring at me for suggesting it, but knowing her bladder she didn't have a choice.

"I swear to God sonny, you are an animal." 

"You use to do this all the time, without help."

"You know what, shy bladder. Turn around." She waved me off and I listened.

As I was looking away I heard her tug the jeans down, almost fall, and then after a moment she started to pee. I heard the small drizzle and glanced around to make sure we were alone before she groaned.

"Ok, tell me I have a way to wash my hands. I'm not poisoning me and the baby." A small shift came as she stood then chaos.

"Offff." She fell down on the sand, dirt, and tree root where her bladder was released.

"Sax?"

"Sonny.... Help." She mumbled as I turn to see her about to cry.

I bit back a laugh and pulled her up. She was covered in dirt and I quickly ran down the beach to get the blanket as she pulled her pants and shoes off. She wrapped her waist and made it to the water to clean off before coming back up.

"Ok, that wasn't funny."

"Oh but it was." I chuckled.

"How am I going to dry off to get my pants back on?" She looked at the meal, "we can't even go home because I don't have pants that won't bother me the whole way and give me a rash."

"Well, we are alone." I shrugged as she glared, "no one will be seeing."

"I don't do nude beaches." She chuckled a little trying to look mad as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Why not? Afraid you'll look to good?" I kissed her head, "or that I'll beat up every man that looks."

"Love you too sonny." She sighed as I helped her to sit down.

"Just let the blanket get wet. We can leave once your dry." I sat down beside her and started to unpack.

"Sorry." She whispered.

"For what?"

"For messing all this up. You actually planned something romantic and I ruined it." She sighed and laid back on the sand, "I always ruined everything."

"That's not true." I handed her a sandwich, "i think that's my title."

She smiled and took the sandwich, letting that moment last. It might not be perfect, but it's done it's job so far. It's distracting her from the pregnancy, the adoption... She looked happy. She looked relaxed and I knew I succeeded. For an hour or so, she would forget about waiting so long and all the stress. She would be Saxon again for a while, the woman that I fell in love with and the woman I would never get over.

After a little bit and some food, Saxon looked at the surf and smiled. She took my hand as she looked around. She motioned for me to help her up, pulling gently I got her on her feet and held her for a minute before the blanket dropped and she threw her shirt by her pants and shoes. I watched her undress in my arms and then wink as she went into the water. It didn't take long for me to hope down the beach as I pulled off my pants, running into the water where she stood in chest high level.

"I thought you didn't like nude beaches." I chuckled as she threw her arms around me.

"What can I say, you persuading sometimes." She winked as I carried her out just a little deeper, "I just can't be letting any water in."

"I wouldn't worry, you have a seal here after all." 

"A seal that doesn't swim." She giggled and kissed me as I held her up to almost expose her.

"Love you anyways."

"Love you too saxon." 


	27. Small steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax helps sonny pack for a short stay in j-bad to bring the kids home. A little remodel work is done at home.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Good news finally came, everything was ready for the adoption to go through. Sonny just had to spend a weeks time in J-bad to finalize everything. While this was great news, I was panicking a little. I would be alone for a week and no doubtingly stressing over the house being perfect for them until they arrived home even if I met them at the base to pick them up. Sonny called it ridiculous, but I was sure he was worried too... Just not like this.

"Everything will be fine." He chuckled as I stood by the garage waiting to leave.

"I know, I know..." I turned towards him, "I just, I'm home alone with two dogs unless they need Cerberus while your gone. You're not with the team so I am going to be thinking about you not having backup like I'm use to thinking... I'm just stressing."

"Breath." He chuckled and brushed my hair back, "I will be fine. Remember? I'm invincible."

"You are hot headed without backup in a war zone, I have to worry." I blinked as he chuckled.

"Just a week and I'll be back with the kids. They will be happy and love you no matter what." He rolled his eyes and helped me up into the truck, "just stay strong while I'm gone and don't go into early labor."

"You say that like I have a choice." I mumbled.

He leaned over and kissed my head before making me look at him, "sax, you'll be great, everything will be perfect.... Just stay healthy. A week won't seem like that long after we get started."

"I spent three months without you, it almost killed me after a day."

"Love you too." Sonny started the drive and I was already regretting the idea of letting him go alone.

But there lies the problem, I couldn't really fly. With the pregnancy and my current stage, I wasnt going commercial and I doubt the Navy would fly me out either. It was a danger, to me and baby, but I was dreading him going alone.

We arrived and I walked him to the gate with his bag, "ok, one week and you better be in one piece when you get home."

"Promise." He smirked.

"And have two kids."

"Of course." He kissed my cheek, "and you better be healthy and not freaking out every other minute."

"No promises." I whispered as he kissed me, "love you."

"Love you more." He leaned in.

"Love you most." I smiled as we shared our last kiss before he ran to the plane.

I watched the plane take off, much like I had before, and waited till it disappeared into the horrizon. Once again I was alone, no sonny here to hold me at night or fix my problems... A week. Just a week...  _ **Please be ok, come back in one piece.**_

* * *

_**Day 1** _

My first night without sonny went ok, just small adjustments and both dogs slept in the bed with me to make up for his snoring and body heat. I wasn't getting as much sleep as I should, but I got some so it was a win. 

Waking up this morning, I walked to the kitchen and made a simple breakfast and let the dogs out in the backyard. My heart dropping as I felt the small shiver pierce through and put me on end.  _ **This is when sonny would hold me and kiss me, make a joke about me being fat before rubbing my belly.**_ I sniffled and sat down only to take two bites and push it away.

"Well, that was a waste." I sat it down for the dogs to share, "enjoy guys."

They cleaned the plate then Cerberus laid down by the couch. Tex followed me in and curled up with me on the couch. I turned the TV on to distract myself but it was no use, it brought up the news and something about J-bad and I was done. Fear and worry was winning out.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I walked off the plane and right to a bunk to adjust. When I woke up, I had an escort and Blackburn riding with me to the court for the first round of the hearing. Luckily it was near base but I wasnt feeling any less nervous as I seen shahpur and dorri for the first time since deployment.

"We'll look at you two." I smirked as they turned around.

"Sonny!" Shahpur tackled me.

"How you doin little fella?" I smiled as he nodded.

"Good sonny." He was waiting for my reply, dorri stepping over.

"You've been practicing." 

"Every day and night. He wants to be able to speak clearly when we get there." She gave me a small hug, "glad you came."

"Of course I did, I promised I would be back for you two." 

"Where is Saxon? We want to meet her." 

"She couldn't make the flight." I sighed, "she is to far into pregnancy to fly safely but she is waiting on the three of us to get back."

They smiled as a lady pulled them in to talk and I was lead the other way with Blackburn. We sat down and waited, and waited, and waited. It felt like days but was only an hour later, the same lady pulled us in to talk. I took a seat in front of a judge and Blackburn sat beside me. Everything seemed off, but that was mainly because this wasn't a normal court. It wasn't American, it didn't work the same way. 

"Mr. Quinn, you are wanting to adopt two orphans?"

"Shahpur and Dorri."

"Why?"

It was a little rough listening to their accents and waiting for a translation, especially when it was so blunt.  _ **This is definitely not going to be easy.**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

**_Day 2_ **

I spent most of yesterday watching TV. Today luckily, I had some work to do. I was up and in the bar to do orders, taking my time and double checking everything till Kyle got in around noon. 

"Hey sax, how's it going?" He sat down at the bar as I got a water.

"Ok... I'm just a little spaced out and nervous because sonny is in J-bad to get the kids."

"That's great, everything is going good for you." He gave me a small hug, "two kids and a baby on the way."

"Yeah, it's just a big change." I sat down and slid the papers over, "everything is caught up and ordered. Just need to send this in for the next payment on the next delivery."

"You are amazing." He laughed, "bills are done, and all?"

"Yeah, I wish there was more to do." 

He rolled his eyes, "go home and rest. If you go into labor before sonny is back and I'll never hear the end of it."

He gave me a small push towards the door. I left to go home, back in the same spot as before. The kids rooms were done and I couldn't work on the nursery right now. There is nothing to do, I am officially bored with nothing to do.

"Ok boys, I am going crazy... I can't do it."

Tex looked at me and Cerberus huffed. I frowned, this wasn't working for me. I felt dead. I laid down and sighed as both dogs joined me in the bed, curling up at only six pm.  _ **I'm dying, I need people here with me. I can't take this solitude during pregnancy.**_ I rolled over and rubbed my belly trying to just go to sleep now until my phone buzzed. 

"Hello?"

"Hey beautiful," that gorgeous draw sent a spark down my spine, "how are ya doin?"

"Not to good. I think I'm going stir crazy." I smiled as I put the phone on speaker.

"I'm gone for two days and you're already missing me?"

"I was missing you the moment you left." I sighed as Tex licked my cheek, "the dogs too."

"Tell my boys I'll be home soon." He stopped for a second as i heard talking from the background, "well I have to go but, I want you to get out a little. Don't shut yourself in, get some sun maybe. Please, for me?"

"Ok sonny." I closed my eyes and felt my lips tug up and a tight smile.

"Love you."

"Love you more." I whispered.

"Love you most." He had that happy voice, definitely from a smile on his face, "goodnight beautiful."

I sniffled when he hung up, "now, now I have to get out..... Maybe tomorrow."

I rolled over as both dogs stared at me, "I promise tomorrow."

* * *

_**Day 3** _

I was awake but fighting my better instinct. I need to get out and do something, but the house felt better right now.  _ **You told sonny you would, you have to go out for a little.**_ I sighed and was about to take the dogs for a ride to the park, maybe a little change of scenery could be good for them too. But of course, my phone rang and my plans changed slightly.

"Hey sax."

"Hey clay, what's up?"

"We're getting spun up. I am stopping to pick up Cerberus here in a few minutes."

"Ok, we'll be here."

He hung up and I frowned at the dog, "you're going to work Buddy."

As promised, clay stopped by and picked up Cerberus. He couldn't chat long but he did just a little to check on sonny. Once he was gone, I loaded up Tex and we went to the park for some air. I drove windows down in the truck, stretch band shorts and shirt as we walked into the small park and started down a path. Tex pulled and wanted to run, so you let him go with the leash and watched as he bounced and played. After a few minutes, my phone dinged.

 

> _**Stella:** _ _hey I have some free time and the guys are gone. Where you at?_

I looked around and sent her the parks name. It only took a minute for a response, she was on her way. After a ten minute break of watch Tex chasing birds and squirrels, Stella walked over and sat beside you.

"Long time no see." She chuckled as she looked over my growing belly, "looks like the baby is good."

"Oh yeah, he is loving it right now. When I go to bed, that's a different story." We laughed, "so what's up?"

"Nothing much, just some free time and thought you might want some company." She didn't look at me for that part.

"Stella?"

"Yes."

"There is more to that statement, isn't there." I watched as she sighed.

"Clay said sonny was gone this week and you looked like you could use a friend when he stopped to get Cerberus."

"The kid ratted me out again." I muttered as she laughed.

 "If it helps, I was worried when you didn't text back last night." She nudged my shoulder as Tex came over.

"Yeah sorry, I went to bed early." 

"Your not on bedrest, you need to get out some." She stood up, "let's get some lunch and maybe tomorrow you can help me with some school work stuff."

"Yeah, sounds great." I smiled and walked with her and Tex. 

* * *

_**Day 4** _

Today I woke up around noon and made lunch before Stella got here. I appreciated the support, everyone there for us right now. Stella got here with a stack of papers and we sat down to chat and eat before I helped her with all her work.

"So how is sonny in J-bad?"

"Good. He says that everything is going good." I smiled, "no family found, the Navy and US government is putting in as much help as they can to speed this along."

"When will they be back?"

"Hopefully tomorrow or Friday." I looked down at my bump, "I'm praying for tomorrow because this guy misses his daddy."

Tex whined and we both chuckled, "that boy too I guess."

"Traitor." I whispered.

Stella laughed and handed me a stack of papers. I was helping her along and then gave her a hug as she left.  _ **One more day down...**_

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I knew it would be early, the wee hours of the morning for her. I also knew she wouldn't mind. Good news trumped all for her. I sent a text and waited only a minute before smiling at her tired face. 

"Hello gorgeous." I winked at her.

"It's three am sonny babe." She held the phone up to showore of her barely awake form. 

"I know but I though you would want to know first." I smiled, "it's done."

"It's done?"

"Yeah. First thing in the morning we are flying back to Virginia Beach." I smiled and stretched out my arms, "me, shahpur, and dorri."

"That's great." She slurred and gave what I hope was suppose to be a smile.

"Ok." I shook my head as Tex poked his head into the picture, "hey boy, where's Cerberus?"

"Team got spun up." She tried to twirl her finger but barely had it lifted up.

"Ok, I get it. Get some sleep beautiful. We'll be home soon." I gave a kiss to my hand and held it by the screen as she did mostly before the screen went black.

 _ **Did she really just hang up on me because she was to tired? I know it's an accident but it's still surprising. Love her still.**_ ****I sat my phone down and looked at the stack of papers and all the kids paperwork. The minute they touch American soil back home, they were Americans. _ **Everything is coming together.**_

 


	28. Welcome home

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I woke up early, running around cleaning up the spotless house. I was panicking, worrying about nothing. The dogs were watching from the couch, I barely got their breakfast down before I kept cleaning. I double checked the rooms, everything was as perfect as can be so I was back to anxiety over the kids coming home. I had several hours, they wouldn't be here till about three.  _ **This day can't pass any quicker... Please.**_

Tex nipped at his food then went to the back door. I let him out and watched Cerberus stare off at the front door.  _ **Yeah I understand, I want sonny home too.**_ I gave him a soft stroke behind the ear and he looked up.

"Sonny will be home soon. I wouldn't worry." He huffed and you rolled your eyes, "yeah I know, take my own advice."

I curled up on the bench swing in the back yard, finding a book to read. It had been a while since I had the time to do this but I can't enjoy it when my only thought was of what came next. The kids adjusting, learning more English or better English, everything was happening so quick. I sat the book down and walked back in, switching to a different book. I grabbed a pillow and settles in as I cracked the old dusty pages. 

"You know, my grandma always read this to me when I was little and running around her yard. You would've loved her, she was always so nice." I whispered to my belly and lifted the book to read. 

I flipped page by page, easy going as I read about that yellow bear in his red shirt. Winnie-the-pooh was a favorite, and with sonny gone at the moment it might sooth my fears.

* * *

A few hours later, time was quickly approaching and I was now stuck wondering if I made a mistake.  ** _I can't do this. I'm not even a mother and I want to adopt and act like it's nothing. I'm not ready for this, how can I be?_** I paced the floor by the couch. Cerberus and Tex were lounging and I was feeling the familiar anxiety set in.

"I can't, I can't do this." I turn towards them, "what were we thinking?"

Tex huffed and went back to the door to go outside. I rolled my eyes and looked at Cerberus, "are we ready for this?"

I sat waiting, as if the dog could talk. I ended up walking to the door and holding the keys to the truck. I took a breath and checked the time,  _ **I should leave any time now. It won't be a long wait.**_ I bit my lip and checked my phone, nothing from sonny so I slowly stepped out and got in the truck.  _ **Everything will be fine. They'll love it here. They'll love you... Just breath.**_

I took the longer route, pulling into visitors parking with five minutes to spare. My heart racing and struggling to breath.  _ **Here it is, no going back.**_ I closed my eyes for a moment and took deep breaths before getting out of the truck and sitting on the tailgate facing the gate. _**They should be landing any time and be walking out....**_ I looked up at a plane landing and wondered if that was them, or was it the next or the next. It's a busy base, to many planes to tell which was theirs. Luckily I had a secret weapon.

My pocket vibrated and I smiled as I answered the phone, "hello handsome. Tell me you're on American soil."

"Just got off our low grade flight." He chuckled, "it'll be a few minutes on paperwork and you'll need to be present. Blackburn will be waiting to walk you back."

I took a deep breath and slid off the tailgate, "ok... I'll be right there."

I shut the tailgate and walked up as soldiers were walking out around me. Eyes looking to the pregnant woman as she walked to the gate looking slightly scared. Some looked sad, other went past with hardly any notice. I pushed on and standing at the gate as promised, Eric.

"Saxon, pregnancy looks good on you." He smiled as he looked over the plaid shirt dress that didn't hide or over pronounce my belly.

"Thanks, blame sonny. He put this boy inside me to slowly torture me." I sighed as he nodded and the guards let me in.

"Speaking of sonny, follow me." He took my arm to help me up the few steps before leading me to a small office.

I stepped in and seen sonny crouching down by a young boy and smiling. He raised his hand for a high five and it was given as a young girl laughed and pulled off her head scarf. It looked surreal, as if sonny was their father since birth not just hours. I paused as sonny looked over and stood up to hug me, squeezing tight As both kids looked towards me.

"Sax, this is shahpur and dorri. This is your new mom." He smiled as he looked at them.

I waved and dorri smiled as she stepped forward, "hello."

"So you are the dorri I heard about." I stretched an arm out and took her in for a hug.

Shahpur came over and joined in as sonny looked at Blackburn, "they look happier to meet her then they we're to meet me."

"You had a gun." He shrugged as I loosened up.

He motioned towards the desk and sonny moved me over to it. Eric handed us a small packet of papers and laid one out in front of us. Sonny took the packet and looked at the last one as Eric handed me the pen.

"Both of you sign, this is the final piece and you have adopt dorri and shahpur. Green cards and all immigration paper is done on this one page."

I smiled and signed before handing sonny the pen and we all took this in. His signature was down, the room went silent then they walked over and hugged us again. Soft and steady, we let go and Eric congratulated us first. We walked out to the truck and I smiled as I watch sonny help shahpur into the back seat of the truck, tossing the bags in the truck bed and getting behind the wheel after helping me up.

"Ok, we are going home. Let you two settle in and meet the doggies." Sonny spoke as he started the engine, "maybe tomorrow we can do something away from the house like clothes shopping or something. You two might want some new American style clothes."

They nodded but shahpur looked lost. Dorri must've translated it and suddenly he was excited again. We went back and forth, a smile covering my lips as I watched them cling to the doors looking out the window. Their new home on the horizon. Sonny pulled in and slowly grabbed everything to carry in. I lead the way, preparing to get the dogs if anything would happen as the kids followed me in. Two steps in and Tex came running, pausing at the sight of strangers but no barking.

"This is Tex, he's just a big baby." I looked at dorri, "he's kind, no worries."

She translated for shahpur since he only knew part of what was said. He smiled and reached out to pet Tex and Tex just licked him. Sonny slid past and dropped their things in their rooms as Cerberus came over slowly and followed sonny for attention.

"And that's Cerberus."

"Cerberus was with you before." Dorri looked up, "good dog."

Sonny chuckled and whistled so Cerberus sat straight and then walked around them as shahpur pet him. Sonny took them to their rooms and were letting them adjust while he went back to me. I took a deep breath, looking over our slightly more crowded home as sonny hugged me.

"We did it."

"I know." I smiled and gave him a sweet kiss, "I guess this house just became more of an home. Only one more to move in."

He held me tight as we heard shahpur from down the hall in complete excitement.  _ **Welcome home, we've been waiting a long time for this.**_


	29. Adjusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adjusting to a new place.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Sax sat on the couch, watching dorri and shahpur playing in the backyard. Last night went well, the kids got to know the house and dogs. They settled in and came out to eat, sonny insisted on ordering pizza and I gave up. As for today, today we planned on taking them out and hopefully working on the clothes and little things. Thankfully it was still summer and school wouldn't start yet. You didn't have to worry about putting them in a shark tank.

"So gorgeous, are you ready?" Sonny kissed my cheek.

"You know how hard this'll be? Getting them comfortable and not standing out in a bad way." I closed my eyes, "this was a big jump, maybe we should ease them into it more."

"It'll be fine." He squeezed tight for a second before kissing you shoulder and rubbing your belly, "stop worrying."

I nodded as he went out to get the kids. I grabbed my phone and slipped them in the pocket of my maternity jeans. With my emergency bag on my shoulder, sonny helped me into the truck and got the kids in. We didn't think to get any clothes before hand, so they were in their traditional outfits. We decided on a store nearby, sonny would help shahpur and me to help dorri except dorri has to translate because sonny wasn't close to being able to despite his words otherwise.

We parked and got out, walking in as I got a cart and we started out at the boys near the front. Sonny was trying to help him find stuff, picking fairly well. He helped him on shirts and jeans, some shorts. Then he grabbed a few packs of underwear and we moved to the girls. I was helping dorri through when sonny decided to get shahpur started on trying clothes on.

Once they were away, dorri looked up from a dress, "thank you for doing this."

"Honey you don't need to thank us every hour. You're family now." I held up a sundress with sleeves, "how about this? A good medium."

She nodded and was looking at a sleeveless shirt, the lace on top lead to a small collar. I picked it up and held it up to her, smiling as she looked at it.

"You don't have to step out of your comfort zone that much you know. You can work up to this." 

She smiled, "it's pretty, but I don't ever remember showing my arms." 

I looked up at the beautiful girl, it was the first time I really looked at her since sonny showed me their photo. Her hair was trying to grow longer, making down on to her neck. She was slim, dark hair that complimented her warm skin tone. She wasn't use to dressing like a girl and revealing a little, she barely did as a boy. I lifted up the shirt, slipping it into the cart.

"Doesn't hurt to try it on. I would but this gets in the way." I gestured to my tummy and she giggled.

"Yes, sonny said you two were having a baby." 

"We are. But he's still brewing inside so we can focus on you two." 

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I had shahpur constantly changing, one after the other as I helped him decide what to keep or not. He loved a leather jacket, something close to my own, and I put it in the pile even if it was pricey.  _ **They deserve someone taking care of them, not having to work on their own for things constantly.**_ I held up a item and he would nod and shake his head, going quickly through everything till we had a good start. Some jeans, some shirts, a couple shorts, package of socks and two underwear. 

"Ok, so we have plenty here. Let's go find sax and dorri."

He nodded and took off running as we struggled to find them. They moved to the shoes and I dropped everything in the cart as I picked him up to show shop.

"Here we go, that right there is real shoes." I picked up cowboy boots.

"Shoe?"

"Cowboy boots. Real men wear them." I smiled and found a pair that looked close to his size.

He took them and slipped them on, smiling up at me as he stood up and walked around.

"Are they good?"

He nodded and I helped him take them off and they went in the cart. He picked out sneakers and acted like he was playing soccer before I got an ok and they went in the cart. He was laughing, enjoying every second of out little side adventure away from the girls even if there was a small language barrier.

"Ok, let's play." I picked up a shoe and tossed it to him.

He threw it back and we dodged the employees, going back and forth. The only thing that stopped the final pass was sax knocking it away from my hands.

"And that's enough boys." She glared, "let's not get thrown out of a store. Thank you."

I rolled my eyes and she gave me a peck on the cheek before walking dorri over to try on clothes. Me and shahpur moved on down the way, finding some baby clothes and out of habit lately, I looked through.

"Baby." He stopped and pointed at the baby mannequin.

"Yeah." He smiled and bent down, "me and sax are having a baby boy. You'll be a brother."

He smiled and pointed at himself, "brother."

I nodded as I heard foot steps and seen dorri and sax turn the corner. Dorri translated the full sentence and shahpur smiled and nodded, picking out a blue jumper. 

* * *

_**Dorri** _

* * *

While Sonny and Saxon were paying, I talked with shahpur. He was happy, excited about all the new clothes. We left for home and sonny was helping him unpack before they were outside playing football. I moved slower, hardly noticing when sax stood in my doorway.

"How is it going?"

"Good." I smiled and hung up a dress.

"Adjusting well?" 

I nodded and picked up the sleeveless top, "yes."

"Not quite believing it." She sat down, "you look distracted. Maybe even confused."

"Just learning." I hung it up, looking at the soft pink hue with a dozen flowers painted on the bottom.

"You know if you need anything, I'm right here." She smiled, "we are having a small Bar-B-Q here soon. Simple American food with that I squad coming over. You can meet your family." 

I nodded and as she started to leave, I stopped her and hugged her. She froze, but after a moment she squeezed back and kissed my head.

"Finish up then you can help me in the kitchen. If you don't mind."

"Ok."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

After a few hours, the team was showing up with guests and we had our two newest Quinn's running around with them. It felt like normal, with a small nudge of attention to them. I smiled as I looked at dorri, the floral top with no sleeves looking perfect on her as she sat talking with Lisa. 

I felt a hand on my lower back and smiled as sonny wrapped his arms around me slowly, "so am I good or what?"

"Or what." I giggled as he kissed my cheek.

"This was a brilliant idea."

"And terrifying." I sighed, "but I do feel really good. They look happy... I already feel like a family."

He sent me to sit down and talk to people, try to be a good friend. The whole time, I noticed dorri moving in close and it felt great. _**i**_ _ **can get use to this.**_

* * *

Over a few days, I noticed they we're getting better. Shahpur was pushing on learning more English and dorri was giving him everything to get him further along. They slowly warmed up to the new home and built up this new chapter of their life. 


	30. Lean on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You bond with the kids when sonny is on an op

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

After a week of adjusting, the kids were doing better. They liked their rooms, making them more and more to their liking. I had taken shahpur out shopping, buying some things for him to play soccer including a net that he could pull out if the garage to practice. He had some posters hung up and was starting to get the messy-ish room you would expect to see from a young boy.

Dorri had found what she wanted, finding little things she liked. Books filled her new bookshelves, movies were lining another and a tv was up on the wall. She had already bought the closest thing she could to school books, studying a little everyday and working to get better and learn more.  _ **I had no idea she was this determined when she said why she wanted to go to America. Hopefully she'll be a kid too.**_ I always checked in on her, she needed a little more coaxing to get out of her shell. If we could get her to be herself and not guarded, we would be set.

Today started like most lately, the kids got up and I cooked a very simple breakfast. Sax sat down to eat with shahpur right beside her for his food. Dorri moved slow, hiding her constant trying mood. She wanted to be strong, I knew it... But we wanted her to let her guard down.

"Hey shah, how's the pancakes?" Sax smiled.

"Good." He nodded.

"English better?"

He nodded. After a few days, shahpur had been doing really good with his English and sax was picking up their dialect. I had started to forget how quickly sax could learn new things, and with two kids she was sure to learn most of it to talk with them better. English was still a little hard for shahpur, so sax was dead set on talking to him in other ways. Dorri helped her a little bit I could tell sax wasn't sure about it.

"Is it good dorri?"

She nodded as sax got up and cleaned her plate against my best attempt to stop her. I was about to suggest something after eating, but my phone went off and sax froze. I grabbed my jacket since I had already gotten dressed, looking at sax and giving her a kiss. 

"Sorry, be home soon." I went towards the door as she whispered back a quick love you.

* * *

_**Sax** _

* * *

I stood there a moment, walking back over to get shahpur's plate when he was done. I cleaned it up as he ran back to his room. Just because sonny left I didn't want them to stay in and do nothing. I wanted to bond with then a little more, I just didn't know what to do. I was standing still thinking when the baby kicked and I bent forward a little holding that side of my belly.

"Are you ok?"

I glanced at dorri, "yeah I'm fine. The baby was kicking."

She smiled faintly then asked as she looked at her plate, "could I feel?"

I sat down in my chair and turned towards her, I stretched out my hand and she laid hers in it. Moving it slowly, I placed her hand on the spot and added a little pressure to get a squirm from the menance. She smiled when she felt the kick, looking up as he kept kicking and I realized he was kicking towards my bladder again.

"Excuse me." I walked to the bathroom and peed as I swore the baby laughed.

When I came out, I walked back over and seen dorri washing the dishes. I wanted to stop her but she looked happy so I let it go. Waiting till after she finished to talk with her again. I asked her to get shahpur and we'd go out for a bit. They got dressed, looking like the average kid in the area. We took a walk with Tex, smiling when shahpur wanted to walk him.

"Careful, do t be afraid to give a small pull if he pulls you." I showed shahpur what you meant and he nodded. 

Five feet down the way Tex pulled and shahpur pulled back. I chuckled with dorri as this little dance kept up till we reached a park. I told him he could drop the leash to play with Tex, the pup was trained pretty well and I could get him ready to walk again quickly. I let them run around, taking a seat on a bench as dorri explored a little too. She kept an eye on her brother, the protective type as I expected. While I was watching them play, I noticed dorri talking to some girls and then she came over as they walked away. She sat beside me without a word.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah." She nodded but never looked over.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." She shrugged.

"Ok, try again. I use to be a seal not an idiot." I looked at her as she looked up.

"Those girls just said I looked like a boy." 

"That's not nice."

"They are not wrong, i always tried to look like one before." She looked over, "easier to be a girl when all you do is wear pink and a head scarf."

"Do you want to look more like a girl?" I asked.

She looked over, "how?"

"Well, a hair cut to look a little more feminine and as it grows you can pick what you want. You already picked clothes.... Or you could stick with the head scarf."

She looked down, straightened her pants, then nodded. She looked up and shrugged.

"Would it work?" 

"Go something simple and then you can decide. Your choice if you want to stay short or go long." I smiled as she nodded and said ok.

I waited till shah and Tex was done, walking on down the way to a small salon. I signed dorri in and gave the girl a little but bit of instuctinst, then I paid and stepped out with shah to play. After ten minutes, the door opened and dorri came out. She looked shy, definitely nothing like I've seen from her or heard about her. She looked up and I smile, shahpur smiling and hugging her before telling her she was pretty. 

"Do you feel like a girl now?"

She nodded, "thank you."

I looked over her hair, thinned out a little and styled to show off her beautiful face. I winked as she hugged her brother and took over walking Tex. We weren't far from the bar, I decided to pop in and check on paperwork and I let them play outside a moment to do so. I grabbed a few things and a small binder to carry it and walked out with Kyle talking.

"So the adoption went through, that's good. You'll be back at work with two kids and a baby in no time." He chuckled.

"Yeah, creepy to think of me as a mom right?" 

He walked me to the door, stopping as the kids came over again.

"We're getting a little hungry." Dorri smiled.

"Food." Shahpur looked up.

I looked over and he waved them in, "there's no alcohol being poured. Have a quick bite."

"Thanks." I motioned them in, "this is my business partner Kyle. We own this bar."

They stepped in and sat down at the bar a Kyle leaned on the bar to talk with them. I put Tex down at the edge of the bar, he curled up and snoozed while I made them a small plate of food and sat with them to eat while Kyle talked with them. 

"So you know sax is a singer?" 

"I am not a singer Kyle, stop it." I rolled my eyes as she sat three cokes on the counter.

"You sing?" Shahpur looked over.

"Only in this dump. Not that great either."

"That's why half the bar shows up for your singing." Kyle smirked and walked away.

"Almost done you two. We should head home before it starts getting dark." I got up and they followed me out after thanking Kyle. 

We got home and I let them watch TV till about eight. Shahpur went to bed but dorri waited and came back out. She sat down beside me as I curled up on the couch.

"Your not going to bed?"

"No sweety, I have trouble sleeping without sonny here." I smiled, "I'll eventually fall asleep out here."

"Then I will too." She leaned in to me and sighed.

It was a strange feeling, having a girl I never met before a week ago curled up with me. A little boy, her brother, sleeping in his bed with Tex at his feet. I was suddenly a mom, taking care of kids that aren't mine that I love as much as sonny. I loved it as much as it terrified me. I kissed her head, pulling a blanket over both of us as we laid there.

After a moment of silence aside from the tv, she looked up, "sax, do you really sing?"

"Yeah, not great but yeah. I started it back when I first joined the Navy and got put with Kyle. When I went for the seals, it was a little less often till I left for medical reasons. I found Kyle again and we split ownership of the bar, now I get stuck singing a lot for old drunk soldiers." I chuckled, "never thought I would be happy with this life, but I am."

"My mom use to sing to me when I was little. When shahpur was first born." She closed her eyes, "before all the bad things happened. She was a horrible singer but it felt comforting."

"Is that so?"

"Would you... Please, would you sing to me?"

I paused a second but nodded, tipping my head back as she laid against me once again. Her eyes closed as she listened to my belly and the baby sleeping.

" _When the night has come._  
_And the land is dark._  
_And the moon is the only light we'll see._  
_No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid._  
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me._ " i closed my eyes and kiss her head gently as I felt the baby kicking softly, she smiled at the feeling too as she slipped under,  _"So darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me._  
_Oh stand by me, stand by me._ _If the sky that we look upon,_  
_Should tumble and fall._  
_Or the mountains should crumble to the sea._  
_I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear._  
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me._  And _darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me._  
_Oh stand now by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah."_

After seeing her asleep, I didn't last long. I fell asleep with the tv on and dorri on my side. The only thing that woke me up was a wet kiss on my face.... From a dog. Tex woke me up as Cerberus was eating. Sonny chuckled as dorri wasnt sleeping on me anymore.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

"why hello beautiful, shouldn't you be in a bed?" 

She chuckled at Tex and my long draw as I spoke, "you know I need you in bed with me to sleep good."

"I know, just thought I would tease you." He gave me a kiss and helped me up.

"When did you get home?"

"Just in time to see you and dorri sleeping on the couch and take shahpur outside to play." I smirked, "by the way, dorri said you had a wondefwon voice."

"That's it, stop it sonny." She put her hand over mymy mou as we both heard the kids out back playing, "be glad I'm bonding with them. Stop teasing me."

"Where's the fun in that." I pulled her hand away and hugged her, "get dressed, I'm taking you guys out."

She walked back to change and I just watched her walking away. Stepping out the kids laughed and ran over.  _ **Thank god these kids are adjusting well. I don't know what I would do if this didn't work out.**_


	31. Ready to blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax is dealing with the worse end of pregnancy.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I am about six and a half months pregnant, two new kids (fifteen and eight) running around the house and learning slowly on how to adjust to a whole new world compared to J-bad. Everything was slowly coming around but it wasn't hard to see how the team was fracturing and my eyes were on sonny. We might have started a family but he was a little shakey lately and I seen the stress building with each step.

With all of this I was still bigger then a watermelon, unable to see my feet or feel them, crying for no reason, constantly eating, and sleeping like a comma patient when the baby didn't wake me. My hormones were way beyond normal pregnancy, I was thinking of anything that could happen with every step. A slight paranoia taking over my life since I was now at a very different place. I was officially a mom before I even gave birth, I had to care for others and find time for myself when I felt like nothing... Especially since sonny wasn't really himself. He was hiding behind the kids and changes but I knew it was deeper and I wasn't getting let in. 

"Hey gorgeous." Sonny helped me up with my belly trying to force me back down, "I can't believe you could get bigger."

"No bigger, bigger bad. Saxon not survive more belly." I puffed as he pulled me to the edge of the bed.

"If it helps the baby, I'm for it."

"You can say that after you lug it around."

"I can lug you around still, you're almost better than a weight." He chuckled and I pulled back as he caught it, "no, no, no..."

"Did you just call me fat?"

"Shit." He grumbled, "no I'm not sax, you are bigger because you are carrying my boy but .."

"I'm fat." I glared.

"Not like that." He sighed as I pushed away.

"Sax..." He groaned and watched me curl under the sheets, "babe, it's time for Ray's baby's christening."

"I guess I'm to fat to go." I rolled over the best I could to avoid his face.

"Saxon, I love you." He sighed when I didn't move, "ok, I'll get the kids ready."

I waited till her left to struggle to get off the bed, "he doesn't have to be a jerk about it. I'm carrying his baby and he calls me fat."

The waddle to the bathroom was a little painful, it slipped a little and I ran to the closet as fast (or slowly) as I could. Looking over the clothes, I frown and let my fingers dance along the small section of things that fit me right now.  _ **Why did I have to hate dresses? Skirts are worse so I guess I need to buy a few. I have nothing nice really or that doesn't bind.**_ I groaned and pulled a old dress from the far back of the closet, one I don't ever remember wearing except the first date with sonny. I still remember grandma giving me the old dress to wear. 

> _"me'maw please, this isn't a date for a dress." I chuckled as she pulled something from her closet._
> 
> _"But you'll look beautiful in it." She dug through._
> 
> _"It's drinks at a bar. Nothing big. I wear a dress and it gets big." I shook my head as she pulled it out._
> 
> _A perfect mix between a dark teal and a royal green, little white dainty flowers all over it. It had thick straps and a long single ruffle off the edge of it. Very modest but strikingly beautiful in a charming way. The only bit off the knee length dress that gave off a sexy feel was the waist. A structured and very tightly sinched waist was stealing the show on the dress with a small tie belt on the back._
> 
> _"Maw, I love you but this isn't me." I chuckled and patted her shoulder, "this dress is older than me too."_
> 
> _"It helped me get your papaw." She pointed her finger, "and your mom borrowed it for your dad to see the day he decided to marry her."_
> 
> _"I'm pretty sure he had decided before that if he proposed that day." I rolled my eyes as she held it up to me, "maw...."_
> 
> _"It even looks good when pregnant." She turned away as I took the hanger so it wouldn't hit my face, "I have that photo here somewhere."_
> 
> _"Maw I believe you, I just don't do dresses." I tried tried again._
> 
> _"Look!" She smiled and held up a photo of when Mom was pregnant, "that's when she was having you. Look at the bump. Too beautiful."_
> 
> _"Yeah she is." I smiled._
> 
> _"All because of the dress! Now put it on so you don't get there too late. Remember, what are the three rules I taught you of dating." She turned to me and I frowned._
> 
> _"Three? You only said tw...."_
> 
> _"Come on." She clapped her hands._
> 
> _"First, fashionably late isn't a thing. Be on time or just before, after is bad manners and doesn't warrant a second date." I shrugged as I read it off memory from being a little kid, "second, be yourself. If you lie or act differently, they won't love you but what you pretend to be."_
> 
> _"Good, and the third?"_
> 
> _"You never taught me a third me'maw." I paused._
> 
> _"Always sit up straight in the saddle." She pointed and turned to walk away._
> 
> _"That's a really old rule, who even uses horses anymore." I lifted up the dress._
> 
> _"Not that type of horse." She replied, "put on the dress deary, you could use some good luck."_
> 
> _"That did not just happen." I looked at the dress._

I still remember sonny seeing me for the first time in a dress. The kisses and cuddling that followed.... The sex. I couldn't help but laugh, me'maw was right about that dress and it does look good when pregnant still. I slipped it on, finding closed toe flats but I was struggling to get on the shortened socks to keep my feet from rubbing raw in the dress shoes I never wore. As I attempted my fifth try, sonny came in and took a knee to help. I hated how sweet it was before he got up and looked at me.

"Well that's a blast from the past there." He chuckled, "you're more beautiful then ever with that shape in that dress."

I giggled softly and kissed him, "sorry I was mean this morning."

"I can take it." He kissed my cheek, "the kids are dressed."

"Ok, we should go." I nodded as I glanced over sonny.

_**He looks good when he tries... Hair slicked back clean, plain blue shirt, dress pants, and a blazer. He is wearing a blazer.... Damn he really does look good. And here I am, a big pregnant potato.** _

I let him walk ahead to look him over, getting caught almost immediately as he winked and I started his way. He took my hand as the kids got in the truck, walking me out and helping me in with a smile I haven't seen in a while. His eyes glued to me the whole time.  _ **Ok me'maw, it's definitely the dress. I was wrong.**_ I smiled back as he started driving.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We arrived on time, walking in and finding the team quickly. Everyone was talking waiting on everything to begin. Almost immediately, I see Jason and clay coming over to us.

"You just keep getting bigger Everytime we see you saxon." Jace chuckled and got a hug, "you couldn't have to much further to go."

"At least two and a half months." She grinned, "if I can make it."

"You'll do fine." She turned around as ray and naima was coming over, getting hugs quickly, "i had two, the first is always the hardest."

They started chatting as I walked away with some of the guys. I caught my eyes drifting, following back to her every single time. I don't know if it was being protective, just how beautiful she looked, or wondering when her mood snaps would kick back in. Needless to say we were really flying blind with this pregnancy and I wasn't at all prepared for anything that was starting. The constant cleaning, crying, screaming.... I swore she was possessed.

"So sonny, how is Dad life treating you?" Clay chuckled as I shook my head.

"I don't even feel like a dad yet." I shrugged, "and I'll be useless when the baby gets here."

"Like every guy is, you get wrapped around their fingers." Jace laughed with everyone. 

After a few minutes, we we're invited in and took our seats. Saxon sat down next to me with the kids, sitting down and watching as everything started. We were barely started when sax squeezed my arm and I looked over as she tried not to look confused.

"Are you ok?" I whispered.

"Fine." She nodded.

"You're breaking my arm." I raised a brow as she looked over.

"Oh." She frowned, "sorry just..." 

She squeezed again and I was about to freak out, "sax."

"Braxton Hicks." She sighed, "it's fine."

I blinked but turned back to the ceremony as she slowly stopped squeezing. It calmed down luckily and she ran off to the bathroom during the thing. She returned just run out once more. When everything was done, she ran off to the bathroom one last time.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I winced a little but made it to the bathroom.  _ **This pea sized bladder getting kicked by an elephant thing isn't funny anymore.**_ I groaned, finally feeling like I can do something now that I was empty for a minute. I walked back out and sonny looked over as I walked up.

"You ok?"

"Fine sonny." I winked, "I'm good."

He wrapped an arm around me and we chatted a little longer before I wanted to go home. Sonny gave me the chance to escape, we ran off to the house so I could lay down. The kids kidnapped sonny for a while, heading out for while and giving me time to do nothing. And that's not what happened... I had use the restroom every five minutes, cleaning more and more between each potty trip. You felt like little Annie just constantly cleaning before giving up and falling back on the bed.  _ **I hate pregnancy, I hate it. Hate it.**_ Right before the tears started and I felt like I needed to clean more, two hands pushed up my dress enough to kiss my belly and then pulled it down. Sonny was above me with a small smile as he wiped away some tears.

"Yeah, pregnancy sucks. I think this is the fiftyish time I seen you crying.... Today."

"I am just a big baby now." I sniffled.

"No you're not." He laid down beside me and pulled me in, "stop saying that. You aren't even close."

I smiled, hiding my face in his chest as i laughed and started to cry at the same time for no reason. He just held me close, keeping me calm for the moment... Well mostly. Thankfully I have sonny.


	32. School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax and sonny have to make some big choices.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I stretched awake as normal, the sound of my phone waking me up. A glance to the side and I see four am, groaning as sax pushes me away.

"Me sleep, you go... Stop phone."

"Yes deary." I chuckled and slipped away after her cave man talk.

I popped into the closet and bathroom before grabbing the bike. It was nice morning and I didn't want sax to be without a vehicle. It was the usual, going somewhere to save the day as she always joked. It wasn't till we were on our way back that it happened. Sitting with the group as Jason started talking about school and kids.

"So I am suppose to take the kids out school shopping and Emma doesn't want me to. She wants me to hand over money and let her go." He sighed, "I'm telling ya ray, enjoy it while you can."

"I would be more worried about sonny boy, the new dad." Ray smirked.

"Ok, ha ha." I rolled my eyes.

"So are you happy school is starting up?" Ray asked, "or are you doing alternative schooling?"

I looked over confused as Jason patted my back, "dorri and shahpur have to go to school."

"Me and sax never talked about that yet." I shook my head, "we never even thought about that."

"You mean you haven't." I gave a questioning look as clay looked over, "sax and Stella were talking about it the other day."

 _ **Now i feel like an idiot.**_ I blinked and shrugged before pulling my cap down a little and leaning back, "oh well, she has it figured out then."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was close to three when I heard Sonny's bike pulling in. Dorri was working on reading to shahpur, helping him pick up and read English. I checked on them back in her room, Tex laying on the edge of the bed as I walked out to the kitchen. I looked at the garage door, smiling at Cerberus walking in and over to his food as sonny came in looking a little lost. 

"Hey babe." I hugged him and kissed his cheek, "hope you are ok."

"Yeah fine." He looked at me after a moment, "no scratches." 

"All fingers accounted for." I winked but didn't get the chuckle I usually did from the poor joke, "ok, seriously. What's up?"

"Nothing." Sonny gave me a kiss on the head and moved on into the house.

"I'm pregnant with your son, don't lie to me." I raised a brow knowing the kids would be able to hear this and I didn't want a fight.

"We can talk later." He brushed it off and got a beer, "what's for dinner?"

"Well since you're here, I was gonna make you cook so I can relax. Your pick." 

He nodded and looked through the fridge before pulling something and going outside to grill. I gave it a while before I joined him outside, shutting the door and sitting down closeby.

"Sonny babe, what's eating you up?"

He looked over and sighed, "it's stupid."

"Never stopped you before." I nudged his thigh with my foot, a strong wink given.

"What are we gonna do about school?"

"I think we're a little old to be going back." 

"Sax, shahpur and dorri." He turned to me, "I never even thought of it before."

"There is a local school I found that should do good." I shrugged, "a uphill battle but I'm betting on them to win."

He nodded and looked back to the food. I got the feeling I was missing something... I didn't like it.

"Sonny, why?" I raised a brow.

"We never talked about it." He looked over, "but you apparently decided without me."

"Really sonny?" I closed my eyes.

"I thought we would talk." He turned back to the grill, "that's all."

"We we're right." I stood and rubbed his arm, "Sonny, why are you thinking I wasn't going to?"

"Clay said you talked to Stella." 

"I did." I leaned in, "we talked about different things and I asked her opinion on what would be best with the language barrier."

He paused and I smiled and kissed his arm, "I found a local tutor that works with the school. Shahpur would have her as a translator basically and dorri speaks English and so far, reads it very well."

"Oh." He stopped.

"Yeah babe, I would've asked you before I went through on any of it. I was thinking do a school walk through for them and sit down with the tutor. If that's ok?" 

"Yeah. Yeah that's good."

I sat down again as he looked back to me, "I'm not leaving you out of the decision. We have a week to get them ready and then ever so gently throw them to the wolves."

He chuckled and took a small piece of the steak he had just flipped to have you test, "let's do it."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

A week later after seeing the school and the kids loving the idea, we walked them down to the school since it was close. Having dorri and shahpur in the same building so they might see each other was a great bonus. We stopped by the corner and looked to the kids.

"Ok, well stop here so you can walk in without us." I nodded.

"You know what to do. You have our numbers... Have fun and be safe." Sax gave them both a hug.

Dorri was In jeans and the loose flower shirt sax picked out. She took shahpur's hand and was walking away. He had on a hoodie shirt and cargo pants, hair trimmed a little. We waited till they were in the building to turn away.

"Ok... Five hours and we'll see if we are horrible parents or just nervous." She squeezed my hand.

 _ **At least I know you still have your strength... I'm not sure if I can hold her hand when she gives birth.**_ I got her home and resting, smiling as she looked at me.

"Are we bad parents?"

"Never... Me maybe but never you."

She threw a pillow at me, "stop doubting yourself."

"You started it." I sighed, "we aren't bad parents. If we home schooled then we would be denying them chance better understand our culture."

She raised her brow and tipped her head, "really?"

"I can use your words." I smiled and kissed her head, "they'll do fine. We prepped them the best we could and they are strong. We know that."

"I know I just.... They are at a disadvantage going into that school and I feel bad letting it happen." She laid back on the bed finally, "I'm sorry."

"They will be fine, we know they will." I kissed her head, "I'll be back before we go get them. Love you."

"Love you too." She looked miserable but staying wouldn't fix it.

I turned and walked out, hoping she would get better before school was out.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I laid in bed all day, to worried to do anything and enough pain from the baby moving to keep me still. It went by slow while sonny was out with the team doing 'bonding' exercises. He would get home for us to walk to get the kids but till then I was alone. It went slow, time ticking by like a soft drip from a faucet. Even with a dog curled up with me begging to play, I didn't want to move. I was content laying in bed, all alone.... Like usual.

By the time sonny got home, he barely had time to change into clean clothes before getting them. So little time infact I had to force him to change so I wouldn't have to smell it. We started on the way but halfway there my back started to hurt. 

"Sonny, go ahead. I'm going home." I turned and her caught my wrist.

"Hey you ok?"

"Back hurts. I guess I need to lay down more." 

"I'll go with you." He started to turn around.

"But we promised to be there when they got out and do you really want them walking home alone?" I frowned.

"Ok... Ok go home." He kissed my head, "we'll be there shortly."

I started back and fell down on the bed. I don't know what happened, I just felt off. All i wanted to do was lay there.... That's all I could do. When the door opened, I hear a happy shahpur running to his room and dorri laughing while heading this way. But at the door was my man instead, Sonny shut the door and sat by me on the bed a moment.

"How you doin?"

"Head hurts, back hurts.... I hurt." I shrugged.

"Are you good for a few visitors before I treat them to junk food."

"You shouldn't give them junk food." I mumbled.

"Well someone has to eat with me and you aren't feeling well." He chuckled, "you have a minute before they bust down that door. I'll try to keep it short."

"Thank babe." I smiled softly, "love you."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I watched as sax sat up and put on a smile. The door opened and the kids came in. Shah jumped on the bed and was rattling off as dorri tried to calm him and have him use English. 

"Teacher nice, she give me candy." He held up a Butterfinger and sax chuckled.

"She sounds nice." She gave him a hug as he kept talking about little things and then dorri talked about her day.

"Well it sounds like you guys had fun." 

"We did, we even have lunch together." Dorri smiled.

"That makes it easier." 

"Hey kids, why don't we celebrate? Let's find a treat." I motioned them out and they ran out.

I looked at sax as she blew me a kiss and laid back down.  _ **Something isn't right... Sax isn't sax.**_ I shut the door and went to the kids.  _ **Whats wrong with sax?**_


	33. Help...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny tries to help sax with her feelings.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

It has been a few days, my heart pounding in my chest like normal but I didn't feel right. It was like I was either really excited or really depressed, usual the latter. I would lay in bed all day, what little time I spent out of it felt forced. I knew something wasn't right but I couldn't tell what... Or tell anyone.

Today I was up to make breakfast, getting the kids off to school. Shah and Dorri hugged me on the way out and ran off to school as sonny slowly walked over. His hand traced my side, caressing my bump and pulling me to him gently.

"Sax, you feeling ok?"

"Of course sonny." I faked a smile.

"Sax..."

I recognize his tone, the way he placed his hands so I couldn't escape. I froze and closed my eyes, he kissed my shoulder to ease me down.

"I know when you're lying." He whispered.

"Ok, I don't want to talk about it." I pushed off and started to walk away when he squeezed and stopped me.

"Sax, I'm worried about you."

"Sonny just, just give me space." I slipped out of his hold and went back to bed.

He walked to the door and knocked as I heard his phone, "I got an OP, call you when I'm on my way back."

It was silent and just when I thought he left I whispered, "love you sonny."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was standing there silent, wishing she would open the door and kiss me goodbye like I always wanted. Instead there was nothing in that moment, I was about to punch the wall on the way out when I heard it. Barely audiable, but there. 

"Love you sonny."

I smiled and walked away carefully not to make it sound like I was. Everything felt wrong but staying here and skipping this mission wouldn't fix anything. I went to work, pulling in and going to the meeting room as they ran down the op. It sounded simple enough, rescue mission. As we we're grabbing our things and boarding the plane, it became clear everyone could tell something was off.

Jace sat down beside me away from the guys, "hey sonny, what's up?"

 "It's nothing." I looked over, "nothing on this OP."

"But it's affecting you right now. I need your head cleared for the op."

"It is."

"Even Cerberus looks at you like something is off." 

I rolled my eyes, but there was no escaping this. I shook my head as he grabbed my head and pulled it to his, forehead to forehead.

"Sonny, start talking." 

"Something is off with sax. She is acting weird and depressed." I closed my eyes as he let go of the grip, "I think it's because of the pregnancy and kids."

"She was the one that wanted to do it, talked you into it." He sighed, "you're probably misreading it."

"All I know is she doesn't like to leave the bed and the kids have noticed." 

He patted my back, "maybe we can help. After."

* * *

**_Sax_ **

* * *

After sonny left, I couldn't find the strength to get up. I relaxed into the sheets, the cool breeze blowing in from the window and my heart barely beating.  _ **Why are you like this? Why?**_ I closed my eyes and swore I would get out of bed but I couldn't get my body to move. This carried through till the kids got home, then I had to. I needed to.

Dorri knocked and entered, but I had gotten up and put on a sun dress. She looked surprised and I was too, my insides felt dead but I was making it work.

"Hey beautiful." I smiled at her, "sonny got called away so I figure I would take you two out."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I got a small hug, "we have to stop at a store but then we'll hit up the beach."

They came along, stopping at a store and letting them pick out their swimsuits. Shahpur picked out swim trunks that were camo, I even bought him a swim shirt that matched to make him feel better.  ** _He's use to covering up every inch, don't throw him into anything. Ease him to it._** While most women's and teens were two pieces, I doubt dorri would want a bikini and I can only imagine sonny having a heart attack at the thought. It took a while but we found a fitted one with straps, it kinda looked like something from the fifties. Old style halter and boy short styled bottoms built in. I smiled when she looked happy, paying for the suits and some towels before we went to the beach. Shahpur looked amazed by the water, but he took off running into the waves with dorri. I sat back watching them play, telling myself I should smile and be happy they are happy... But it wasn't coming to me.  _ **Why can't I feel happy? What's wrong with me?**_

* * *

  ** _Dorri_**

* * *

 i was helping to keep shahpur in sight, splashing and playing in the shallow water. He was beaming and decided to play in the sand while I walked to check on sax. She didn't look like she does laying in bed, but it still didn't feel right.

"Sax."

She smiled up at me, "Dorri."

"How are you?" I sat down on my towel beside her.

"A little tired but that's normal anymore." She looked at shah playing in the sand, "how are you two doing?"

"Good. Thanks for bringing us here." I smiled, "I never seen an ocean. Shah was very excited."

"What's the point of living close by if you can't dip your toes in the water sometime."

It didn't feel like the sax sonny talked about or the one we met before. Over the past few weeks, she didn't seem like the person she was. I was scared, I didn't want her to feel bad or guilty if this was about us. I was just hoping she wouldn't stay like this. 

I curled up beside her and she smiled softly as we watch shahpur play, "thanks... Mom."


	34. ... I need somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saxon asks for help.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was almost midnight, the kids were sleeping soundly with school coming quickly in the morning. I watched them for a moment from the door. I couldn't understand why I wasn't happy, what was wrong in my head.  _ **Dorri called me mom, I should be ecstatic but it didn't hit me. I felt nothing really.**_ Asking for help was the only way I could fix this but, could I?

It took a while for me to lay down to sleep, chances are sonny is gone for the night so I needed to get sleep. Down on my side in the warm bed, curling up to a pillow that had his musky smell memorized.  _ **I guess it's a good thing I forgot to wash the bedding yesterday morning.**_ I sighed as his scent engulfed me, holding my breath like static. I felt good, not happy but good. The same as when dorri called me mom. I knew when I should feel good but it wasn't coming out. I curled into the pillow and let his scent drift me to peaceful dreams.

> _I opened my eyes to see the sun setting over the desert. My gear was feeling tight and then I looked down, my giant belly barely hidden under the bullet proof vest._
> 
> _"What? I-i-i...."_
> 
> _"Reign!"_ _I turned and seen Jason handing me his rifle, "clear the way I have to carry the hostage."_
> 
> _"I can't." I blinked, "I can't move."_
> 
> _I looked to my feet, they were weighed down. I tried to move as everyone ran past but never got but a mere inch. Sonny caught me and lifted me up as he took the gun._
> 
> _"Breathe easy, I got you." He pulled me up on to his back, "I can take the extra weight."_
> 
> _As he ran me out of danger, i noticed he was dragging behind. I squeezed tight, hiding tears as I seen him struggling. Loosened my grip, i tried to push away._
> 
> _"Sonny let me go." I whispered._
> 
> _"I'm not leaving you behind again." He pushed on._
> 
> _"We can't both make it."_
> 
> _"We can. I won't leave you behind again." He growled as he pushed on as everyone else was out of sight and I heard gunshots behind us._
> 
> _"Sonny... Please."_
> 
> _I felt him fall down, once he was on his knees I slipped off him._
> 
> _"Run, run sonny."_
> 
> _"But the baby..." He tried to pull my hand._
> 
> _"Sonny, go..." I felt the contraction before I fell to my knees._
> 
> _Sonny took the baby and ran off to catch up as I cried reaching out for them. A darkness engulfed me as I heard screams, crying, and gun fire. I was lost._
> 
> * * *

As morning came I got up and forced myself to be normal. Put on a fake smile and get the kids ready. I walked them to school and came home before I fell on the bed again.  _ **This isn't right. I'm not this person.**_ I thought about my dream last night and then it hit me.... I need help before it gets to far.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

As we all landed and started on our ways, my phone rang. Jason looked at me concerned, willing to drop everything and come over to help me and sax. 

"Hello?"

"Sonny.... When are you getting home?" Her voice was almost dead.

"In a few minutes, just have to drive back." 

_**Saxon... What's wrong with you? What am I missing?** _

"I.... I need help." I heard the smallest crack of a cry starting.

_**emotion... Ok you got this. She's not gone yet.** _

"What's wrong?" I shook my head at Jace and stopped by my bike, "are you ok?"

"I need you. Please sonny.... I just need you."

 "Ok. I'm heading home now." 

I hung up and got on my bike, Jason stopped in front of me, "everything ok?"

"Yeah sax just... She's sax." I shrugged and he stepped back.

"Call if you need anything."

My mind racing, trying to figure out what's going on with sax as she barely exists. I hardly remember the drive, zoning out and not seeing a thing as I raced home.  _ **I need help... I need help... She actually said it.**_ Nothing could make time go quicker as I got to the house and walked in to find her sitting on the couch crying. Her phone had just fallen from her hand and eyes dripped as I knelt down in front of her, pulling her in.

"Hey, don't cry." I kissed her head, "it's ok... It's ok."

"I need help." She sniffled, "I really need help sonny."

She started to cry heavier and he pulled her in tight, "no, no... I got you. I got you."

Everything felt good for a moment, felt normal and safe. I held her tight and sat in the silence growing around us. The dogs were silent and the only thing that drew noise was Sax's phone ringing to say it's time to get the kids.

"We'll be fine, I promise." I smiled into her hair, "we can do this."

_**only because you asked for help... Only because you need me to get the help.** _


	35. Fracturing

After seeing sax so broken, I was thinking of anything that could fix it. I ended up with something I didn't want, I was going to talk sax into therapy or she will kill me for suggesting it... But she needs it. She said she needed help. It took a few calls but I managed to get her in to an old military place not to far from home. I took the kids to school, telling them they could walk home and making sure dorri had a key before I got sax up for the day. 

"Hey beautiful, wake up." I brushed some hair from her face and smiled as she rolled away, or more like tried to.

"No morning, no."

"Don't make me pull you out of bed now." I chuckled deeply, "you know I will."

"You wouldn't dare." She growled.

I tug the sheets and she pulled them back. This left one option, I lifted her up in the sheets as she kicked and screamed. For a second it all felt real again, I ran her out to the backyard and held her over the small kiddie pool she bought for the dogs. She clutched to my arms and the blanket, and just a small dip of my arms and she fell in. Water splashing on both of us, big smile on my face because for those few moments I had sax back.

"Sonny you asshole!" She shouted through laughter, "I'm gonna kill you."

"Sure you will." I winked and she splashed me before standing up with a wet blanket wrapped around her.

"I will, next mission you will come home to a shark head in the bed."

I wrapped her up in my arms, kissing her head before I seen her face go numb again.  _ **i almost forgot.**_ I let her feet touch the ground, looking perfect in nothing but a wet blanket like I always believe.

"So my beautiful, gorgeous sax." I gave a small pant as she shoved me back playfully, "we need to have a serious talk."

"Ok?" She looked up at me, "what?"

"I found you help." I paused, watching for a reaction.

"What kinda help?" 

"A place for vets and current military. They cover all the basics without having to deal with the VA hospital." I watched her start to pull back away from me, "you need a psychiatrist."

"No, I'm not... I'm not that lost." She shook her head.

"Sax, you asked for help. That's like me asking for help." I reached out for her, "please..."

"It didn't work after last time, why would it now."

"Because it's not the same and this isn't a doctor being overwhelmed with patients." I didn't move towards her, "I'll go with you. I'll be right by your side."

"Sonny, I don't need a shrink."

"Then tell me what's going on in your pretty head? I can't figure it out." 

_**The line is drawn in the sand. One of us was about to lose and it will not be me this time. Saxon needs help, she needs someone who can do more than listen and need her back. I lost her once, I can't take it again.... Especially with everything else and two kids.** _

"you'll be there?"

"Yeah, of course." I reached out and she took my hand, letting me pull her in and hold her in my arms and caress her belly, "I'm always there, you know that."

"Except when you aren't." She whispered, "I'll go if you go."

"Yeah, I'm there for you." I kissed her softly and motioned her to go inside, "clean up. We need to leave soon."

"You tricked me you ass." 

She ran in and got ready, dragging a little and not being her normal peppy self. It was a start at least, she was agreeing to go and I had the time off at the moment. I watched as she walked out, a oversized hoodie and sweats. If it was what she needed to get there, I was fine with it. The drive was quick, nothing big. Before she knew it I was walking her in and sitting down in the all waiting room.

"Sonny, I was wrong. I can't do this."

"Sax...."

"I can't. Not a shrink.... I'm sorry." She sniffled and started to get up as I took her hand and squeezed.

She froze, looking at me, "Sax, you need this. You said you needed help."

"I know but..."

"No. You need this. There is to much on the line not to." I felt her squeeze back slowly sit down beside me.

"I think my back is trying to kill me." She mumbled as I glanced over.

Luckily I heard her name and we both looked up. A middle age blonde stood at the doorway and waved us back, sax hesitated but stood when I did. She grasped my hand with the kung fu grip I knew from something else she usually grabbed of mine.

"Hello, make yourself comfortable and the doc will be in shortly." She addresses as we walked into a small office.

Sax sat down on the couch, rubbing her belly as I glanced around at some of the things on display. As much as I agree with sax about most things like shrinks, this guy was heavily recommend. He was our last hope with what is bothering her... Changing her.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was just sitting down holding my tummy thinking about food. For some reason, probably nerves and pregnancy, I was starving. Right when I was about to ask for food, the door opened and a man walked in in sweats and a T-shirt.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Lester." He offered his hand to me before turning to look at sonny as well, "I'm guessing you're the boyfriend."

"Sonny Quinn." He nodded and moved to sit down beside me.

"So that makes you Former Special Warfare Tier-One Operator Saxon Reign." He sat down across from the couch.

"Yes." I paused, "sorry, you just don't look like a doctor."

"Damn my disguise didn't work." He chuckled softly after delivering the line, "No, I'm not one for suits. To stiff and hard to walk."

"Former soldier?"

"Yeah, four tours and one mine later... I come home without half a leg and a bad brain." He pulled a notebook, "it took a while but I found a doc that wasn't overbooked or overly shrinky and then I decided to follow in his footsteps. Help vets without worrying about waits and coverages and bullshit."

I nodded and looked at sonny, "ok, I think you did good."

Everyone laughed, looking at me as I turned back to the doc. He sat the book down and pulled a recorder.

"So I'll just record the session and transcribe it later. I find it makes everything easier and simple." He sat the recorder between us on a small table, "should I expect You to also be in the sessions?"

I looked to sonny, my little evil grin at h trying to give a fair answer. He looked at me and nodded.

"When work allows."

"Ok then, let's start with the issue. What brings you in to be shrunk?"

"Well ..."

A beeping silenced the room. I glanced at sonny as he peeked at his phone. He closed his eyes but slowly got up.

"Sorry I... I'm getting spun up." He looked down as I dropped my head and held my neck gently.

"Don't worry about it Batman, they shined the signal. I can't keep you and let the civilians of Gotham be in peril." 

He nodded and kissed the back of my head, "sorry sax."

"I wish you would stop saying that." I whispered as I heard the door shut.

For a moment I felt the dread creep in, then it hit me like a RPG to a helo. **_Sonny left me alone with a shrink. The asshole left me alone because this guy wasn't an ass like the others... He left me again._** I was out of it when my name was being spoke, barely recognizable in my foggy brain.

"Saxon, Are you ok?"

"Yeah, great." I closed my eyes, "fucking great."

"Just guessing, he's a special operator."

"Yeah." I looked up, "and he knows I hate shrinks and feel horrible right now. He just always leaves." 

"Always leaves." He repeated, "let's talk about you and not him. Obviously you wanted the help."

"I feel empty inside.... I don't know ow why but I do. We have a baby on the way and adopted two amazing kids and have gotten back together after so long..." I paused and felt the tear drop softly to roll down my face, "but I can't be happy."

"You can't be happy?" He started there.

"I can't. I can fake it, but I can't be it."

"Give me an example."

* * *

After an hour, I left for home. Dorri and Shahpur were were working on homework so they could play. I had just got in the door after paying the cabbie, being met with two big smiles. Shahpur jumped up and ran over to hug me, making me freeze in my tracks.

"Hey dude." I smiled as he let go after a long minute and went back to work.

"Hi sax, we are finishing up our work."

"Good, so sonny got spun up and we're are alone again." I stopped as I seen her look confused, "sorry, spun up means he's on a mission."

"So what are we going to do?" 

I looked around before smiling and nodding to the tv, "movie marathon. Order pizza and just lounge."

They nodded and raced to finish the work. In no time we were cuddled up on the couch and eating pizza watching old movies. Even if sonny was gone at the moment, everything felt ok. I almost couldn't believe when I felt the smile on my lips and it was genuine.  _ **I guess the doc was right, sometimes I need to push myself and still relax. Depression or not, I will make it through.**_


	36. Push

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

After the first meeting with the shrink, Saxon knew what was wrong. She was getting depression during pregnancy and well on her way to being postpartum after. The shrink was helping, but the more she went the more it felt bittersweet. Sonny was the main topic around the pregnancy and it felt bad to talk about him especially since he was just working when he didn't go.

Today after the kids left for school and sonny was still gone, I decided to hit the bar and check on paperwork before my appointment. I was sitting at the bar and flipping through the books when a knock stirred me. I glanced to the door.

"We're closed! You shouldn't be drinking at ten am anyways!" I rolled my eyes and turned back to the book when a familiar voice came in.

"Good thing I'm not here for a beer right now." 

"Alana Hayes." I smiled as she walked over to me, "to what do I owe the pleasure."

"I thought I would check in on you. You didn't seem to be doing the best from what sonny says." 

"I swear, sometimes I hate that man." I huffed as she chuckled and pulled a stool up by mine.

"Get use to it, that's half of a relationship." She smiled, "so how is everything?"

"I'm working on depression and hopefully not getting postpartum depression. I'm so big I have trouble doing the basic things. I only work once a week or I'll be over thrown as an owner." I shut the book, "how's life with the Hayes?"

"Fun as always." She smiled as I got up and fetched a water for each of us, "Jason found a place. He plans on moving out soon and it's mix emotions."

"For you or the kids?"

"Me, we haven't told the kids yet." She took a sip, "they were so happy to have him home after the crash. They had their dad even if he was going stir crazy... Now I, I'm worried he's going off down that direction again."

"Biggest problem with seals, they can't tell when they've hit the red and sunk in." I sighed and leaned back against the bar, "I know this feeling." 

"I think we all do." She smiled, "I better get going to my meeting."

She stood up and I followed, giving her a hug as the baby kicked and fussed. 

"Take care sax." 

"Later Lana." I waved as she left. 

I put the book up and decided to lock up and go driving to see my shrink. I knew I would be early but maybe I could get lucky and he was open and I get in a few minutes early. I needed a little help, to clear my head and get rid of my woes.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

Sitting in the plane on the way back, I leaned back in my hammock and pulled out the old picture of me and sax. Her smiling face as she hugged my back tight, letting me carry her across the backyard as everyone laughed.  _ **Am I just playing house? We just adopted two kids with one on the way and we aren't married.... I feel like I'm playing house. Like I'm not trying... Even when i do. Why can't we be like this again?**_

I rubbed the fraying edge of the photo and heard a voice from my left, "missing her? It's only been two days sonny."

"Shut it GQ." I grumbled. 

"I really hate that name." He sighed, "seriously everything good with you and sax."

"Yeah." I put the photo away, "no problems over here."

"You know sax and Stella talk right?" He smirked.

"Then you know there's no problems."

Clay chuckled and left it alone after that. I was stuck in the same loop though.  _ **What am I doing wrong? Something doesn't feel right. Should I.... Should I make it real?**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

"Hello sax." Dr. Lester smiled as I sat down.

"Hey."

"After our first two sessions, how is everything going?" He sat the recorder down between us.

"Better. I'm still not getting out of the depression feeling completely but... But it's not overtaking me all the time." 

"That's improvement." He paused, "where would you like to start?"

"I just had a check up on the baby. Eight months along and healthy as can be. I was happy as could be when sonny got called away at the last five minutes." I pressed my thumb into my palm and rubbed softly, "I don't know why it bothers me, he heard all of it just didn't stay for me to walk out."

"You feel like he is leaving you behind?"

"A little... Not like before though. It's not exactly leaving me behind as much as becoming to busy for us." I closed my eyes, "out of nowhere, it just feels like we are rushing way more than before."

"Well you are eight months pregnant and adopted two kids. You took a mom roll already." He watched my hands and I quickly stopped, "instead of easing into it, you put extra pressure and now feel like you're alone because of his spontaneous schedule."

"I realize that now." I felt my hand twitch.

"Do you always rub your hand like that? A nervous reaction." 

"Yeah, I guess... I don't know for sure." 

"Have you always done that?"

"No, it only started a few years back." I felt a shiver go down my spine and my body stiffened.

> * * *
> 
> _It was just a few days after me and sonny started on bravo. Our fifth mission, where the nerves wore off and everyone was at there best. I had to be the one to fuck up. In the dusty desert, fresh from a fire fight, I was the one that took blade to the palm of my hand. It didn't go through, and except for a small scar in the palm, you couldn't tell. But the pain was unbelievable._

> _All I seen was blood as the blade sliced it open. My boot lifted to knock the opponent off his feet and i kicked the blade away as the team caught up._

> _"Reigns!"_

> _"I'm fine, tis only a flesh wound." I hissed and held my hand as they grabbed the guy that's unconscious._

> _"Target acquired. Moving to exfil." Jason called as him and ray grabbed the prisoner._

> _Nate ran over with sonny to look at my hand and get it wrapped enough to move. On the helo, sonny sat beside me and looked it over. I had blocked it out, let the adrenaline rush through and numb me. He cleaned it a little and rubbed his thumb over the edge of my palm, dancing on the base of each finger as he applied pressure to help my wound._

> _"Should've known you would get hurt first."_

> _"Shut it Quinn." I mumbled as everyone laughed._

> _"What happened?"_

> _"The target was around the corner. I ordered him to put his hands up and he pulled a knife and cut me before I could fire." I cleared my throat, "the explosion behind me and his drop of his gun distracted me."_

> _"That's what you want to hear from your team." Nate joked as everyone laughed and I glared._

> _"I hate you all."_

> _"Give me a half hour and I can fix that." Sonny winked._

> _"I hate you most asshole." I shoved him playfully with my shoulder as he pulled a alcohol pack and put a little to the wound and made me flinch bad._

> _"Stop being a baby." He whispered as stared him down._

> _"This never happened." Jason nodded, "clear?"_

> _"Clear." We all replied._
> 
> * * *

I almost didn't hear him speaking, "Saxon, you there?"

"Yeah, sorry." I looked at him, "what did you say?"

 "I asked if the scar are your hand was from work."

"Yeah, it is." I sat up straight and sighed as the timer dinged.

"next week, let's touch more on this and if we can.... No daydreaming during the session." He chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry." I walked out and drove home.

The whole way I thought about what he said, that sonny was leaving me behind. It was crazy but that was still close.  _ **Maybe we rushed and maybe I'm not ready.... Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe next and sonny can't be? But I want it... I love him.**_ I got home and started dinner as the kids did homework, smiling a little at this 'true American kid' life they had. 

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I got home, smile on my face as my plan was perfect. I know just what we needed. Two steps in and shahpur tackled me, so I hugged him and walked him back to the table. He went back to work as I hugged dorri before hugging sax from behind. 

"Hello beautiful."

"Been a while since I heard that." She chuckled as I rubbed her belly to feel the kick.

"I know, but that's about to change." I smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Oh? Is it now?" She rolled her eyes and finished up the food.

"Yes it is." I took a deep breath, "it is because I think it's time."

"Time for what?" She played the food and walked them to the kids as I stopped her and tapped her necklace. 

The engagement ring is still on the chain from before. The soft shine of the small diamond drew my attention before I met her eyes. She froze as I took her hands.

"Sax, will you marry me?" I smiled as she just stood there frozen, "or should I get down on one knee?" 

She was still unmoved. Her eyes were doubled in size and suddenly I wasn't feeling so good.


	37. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole world comes crashing down.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I wasn't thinking it through, after sonny proposal in the kitchen where I shut down and just walked outside... I didn't know what was happening. He pulled back a little and I didn't fight to keep him close.  _ **Is this really how it ends? Can we not just be Happy?**_ I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head.

I wanted to fix it, so with the kids at school I decided to grab sonny when he walked in the door. He didn't look to good, very stressed and I only rested a hand on his shoulder when he shook it off.

"Everything ok?'

"No." He punch the wall leaving a small hole as I stood mouth agape, "Ray isn't coming back. He's shopping other teams. Jason won't try to fix it. The new guy seems to be staying and putting some kind of hoodoo voodoo witch craft on my boots and I almost thing he worships Beelzebub!" 

I stepped back, never seeing sonny so hot even with his temper. He was fuming and turning red as he glanced over at me.

"Sorry."

"It's ok, next time though, don't take it out on the wall of an old home. I have to repair that." I sighed and got him a beer from the fridge.

"I should just go cool down." He sniffled as I almost swore I saw an angry tear slide down his face, "I'll fix the wall. Don't worry."

"Sonny where you going?" I reached for his arm as he got out of reach.

"I need a drink and time away." He left on his motorcycle and I closed my eyes.

 _ **Stupid... He's stupid, I'm stupid. Just fucking say it, you should've said yes or at least explain why you didn't. Now look at him.**_ i put the beer back and slammed the fridge door shut as I heard a few beers fall inside.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

The team was at the bar, clay mentioned hitting it up for a few drinks and even though sax owns it I knew she wouldn't be there. It was my one safe place besides base to know she wouldn't be there. I wouldn't have to worry about seeing her looking sad or disappointed. I didn't have to flash back to her walking away from me after I proposed.

Right as promised, they were at the bar when I walked in, "sonny, thought you were going home to play house husband?"

"Sax was busy and I'm not bothering her. Some people have a sense of courteousness GQ."

"She wanted rid of your ass so you wouldn't make a mess." Brock chuckled as everyone laughed.

 _ **As long as they don't know all of it.**_ I chuckled and slapped his back as clay pulled me to play darts. I don't know what it is right now, but I had to show the kid up. I didn't know if sax talked to Stella and if clay knew any of it, but I had to make sure he knew who was boss. 

"Listen here, Tinker Bell, okay? There is no way in hell that people of your ilk are better at throwing sharp objects..." I threw the dart and nailed the bullseye, "...than my people, okay?"

"Ooh, nice." Clay chuckled, "Oh, there you go."

"No look, too." I looked at him and threw the dart.

"That was nice." He smirked as everyone laughed.

"So close." I heard in the background.

"I'd probably look next time." Clay nods and takes the darts I handed over.

Everyone starts laughing as they're drinking their beers. It felt good to be around the team right now, I needed the comradery.

"Listen here, sunshine, all right? My people, the Vikings, we throw rocks, okay? All right, we don't need the sharp objects. That's for the old ladies and the children." Clay held up the dart ready to throw.

"You see, I am a "Raspatutin" in boots. A Rasputin with a love of rodeo. Mm-hmm. I'm in your head right now, aren't I? Oh!"

"Boom!" Everyone shouted.

"That was a good shot there, CoverGirl." I chuckled. "Not gonna lie. I'd like to drink a little."

Before we could even get out the laugh, Blackburn was marching over and we all stopped. The look on his face was saying it all and we just looked to him.

"Who?" Clay asked.

"It's Jason." He looked at everyone, "Alana, actually."

Everyone's head was going down and the sorrow in the air was palpable.

"Oh." I whispered as I turned away to scratch my head, "Oh, no."

We all froze, letting it sink in before we ran out to help however we could. By now the news was spreading like wildfire, I didn't know where to go or how to help. In this moment, I felt like I didn't want to go see sax but I was dying to hold her. I hated her but I wanted to make sure she was safe because I doubt I would be functional if that was sax and me instead. I held my phone in my hand, thinking of what to do. 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was holding my belly, a pain shooting through as I realized I skipped breakfast and it was hitting me. I grabbed something quick from the fridge and heated it up as the phone rang. I was getting angry, I wanted to punch the wall like sonny for the way he acted and I couldn't stop. I pulled the phone up, answering harshly.

"Hello."

"Sax, I know this is a bad time but... We need help." I heard naima speak, "it's Jason. Well his family, Alana died. I don't have the details but ray is heading to the hospital and I am trying to wrangle my kids so I can get Emma and Mikey."

"No don't worry, I can get them. School is out in a few minutes and I have to get dorri and shahpur anyways." I sniffled and grabbed my jacket since I was already dressed, "where should we go?"

"Take them home. Don't tell them anything unless you have too, let Jason."

"Ok, tell ray to hurry up."

I took a deep breath before hanging up and getting into the truck. My mind was racing and I couldn't help myself, I put the phone on speaker and called sonny only to get a voicemail.

"Sonny, I know you've heard by now. I'm getting the kids and picking up Mikey and Emma." I let out a small sob, "I'm probably staying over at jace's for a while to help. Please just call me back."

I hung up and set about my mission. It wasn't easy and Emma was almost sure something happened to her dad and started crying, luckily we had just pulled in and Jason and ray we're walking inside. It was painful to hear him say it, to watch him break down crying as the kids hugged him. The only glue at the moment as the team was getting everything going for a small wake, me and ray holding the broken family together. I didn't give up calling sonny, the kids I dropped off with naima so they could help her a little. I knew dorri would help at least and having them in the Hayes house when me and ray can't even stand to be right now wasn't going to work.

I had just slipped away for the fifth call with no answer, ray noticing and walking over to talk as they tried to coop.

"Everything ok? I can hold this together if you need to run."

"No... Sonny isn't answering." I sighed, "I don't know if he went home or what and I can't keep this up. I need to be helping and he probably doesn't even want to see me."

"What did he do?" He asked with a sigh.

"He may have proposed to me out of nowhere and I didn't exactly answer back. Two days later of him acting strange and he punches a hole in my wall." I looked over, "with this news.... I think he went on a bender."

"Call naima. Her mom was taking the kids and yours." He offered, "she can straighten his ass out."

"Thanks." 

He gave me a small hug and went back to them as I called naima and was barely holding it together. I just hoped she could do something so I didn't have to leave seeing as Emma kept coming to me for comfort when Jason was off trying to distract himself.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I had a bottle in hand, laying on the couch, trying to drink until I blacked out. I didn't know what felt worse, losing Alana, thinking about Jason, or thinking about sax and what if it...  _ **Stop. Drink.**_ I was halfway through my loftly sip when a knock on my door broke the silence.

"Sonny, it's Naima. Open the door."

I closed my eyes and let the bottle drop down to almost touch the floor.

"Open the door, Sonny, or I'm coming in."

I lifted the bottle for another drink as I heard her footsteps rushing my way.  _ **Since when does she have a key? Sax wasn't sure about giving me one for the first few weeks.**_ The bottle was at my lips and that sweet taste of Jack was drowning my sorrow when she ripped it from my hand and slammed it on the coffee table.

"Damn, Naima." I slowly sat up.

"Don't start, Sonny." She sighed, "I-I know you're hurting. We all are. And we're all gonna have to deal with it. Right now is about Jason."

I held my head at the slightly raised tone she had. She stood there a moment and shook her head at me unmoved.

"Listen, sax called me worried sick about you. She thinks your off on a bender and its her alone to take care of the kids and the baby."

"It would be better." I mumbled.

"You don't get that choice. Not yet." She took a deep breath and put her hands on her waist, "Get in the shower and get it together."

"Yes, ma'am." I groan getting up from the couch.

Only a few steps towards the bathroom and I stopped when she spoke.

"I'll fix you something to eat to soak up all that booze."

_**Why am I always the screw up? All the wives have to pull me from a drunken stupor... Why do they care? I'm a waste of space, sax just doesn't see it yet.** _

I turned back towards the little women that was hurting just as bad as me. She lost a friend and was probably running everything behind the scenes.... _**And I made her come over here to drag me out?**_ I walked over with only a small drag of my leg and put my arms around her for a hug. Her hands patted my back gently and for a moment I pretended it was sax, that she wasn't worried sick about me being an asshole. After a moment I let go slowly kept walking. 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Before I could process anything, I was standing in the kitchen helping Stella set out the food. Naima walked in and nodded. I seen sonny but couldn't bring myself to actually walk over to him. The fact he would ignore me for so long when I was worried sick had me furious. The last thing I can do is beat the shit out of him at Alana's wake. 

"Everything ok?" 

"No, no it's not." I sighed.

"I don't mean with Alana passing."

"Me either, but I can't do it right now." 

She gave me a nudge and smiled, "just breathe. Ok?"

"Thanks."

I was helping her dish out food. Naima walked over and we did a quick run down of everything. With most of the duties handed off and food prepped, they both insisted I take a break and get off my feet. I couldn't argue, it wouldn't help and my feet were hurting now that I acknowledged it. I took a seat out in the fresh air as a few of the wives came over to chat. 

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

 I tried to talk for a while but ended up walking back to find Mikey. I noticed he was hiding and figures maybe I could help. I don't know where this sudden fatherly nature came from but, it wasn't the worse thing. I found him in his room and knocked before walking in. Taking seat beside him and picking up a baseball that was on the floor I slowly made conversation, mainly with myself. It wasn't the best feeling.

"Hang tough there, Mikey. You know, there ain't no real way through it. You just got to look right at it. Your mama would be real proud of you." I looked at him as he was still unmoved.

"You know, ever, uh, since I joined Bravo Team, I've wanted to be just like your daddy."

That earned me a glance up from his hands. A small chuckle escaped as I found progress.

"I did. He's one tough Tier 1 badass. Best I've ever seen." 

He looked back down and I couldn't lose this battle.

"Hey. Mikey. Look at me." He glanced back over, "I promise you I won't let anything happen to him. Okay?"

He gave a small smile and I slowly got him to stand up and walk out around people.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

 Everything was getting wrapped up. Most people were about to leave and give them privacy in this time of sorrow. Mikey only just emerged from his room with sonny leading him out. Jason kept disappearing and I felt sick glancing over to see Emma being the only strong one. The girl was on the brink of tears and I had sat down beside her as she was playing with the casserole on her plate. 

"Do you think this feels different for Dad?" I glanced over and seen she was looking at me and no one else was close, "Different from all the people he's buried?"

"Other soldiers? Other Team guys?" I asked.

"I mean, Dad's known a lot of people who've died." She paused trying to hold back tears as per used on, "So maybe this isn't as hard for him."

I reached over and wrapped an arm around her as she leaned in to my shoulder refusing to burst out crying.

"Your parents may have had problems, but he loved your mom very much."

"Okay." She whispered.

"This is more than hard for your dad, honey. I think this is going to be the hardest thing for him, ever." I whispered back gently as I noticed eyes glancing from us to the garage door opening. 

Jason walked in, barely holding it together. I seen Emma glance that way and I knew what she wanted. She needed it honestly. I gave her a small nudge of my shoulder and whispered just for her ears.

"Go on." 

She got up and started walking over from the table. I seen eyes slowly heading towards them and some turning away. Even the grown men, seals, had to look away to avoid crying. Jason walked around the kitchen island and Emma slipped past a small group and practically tackled her dad. I glanced down, the hormones kicking back up as Jason's mom looked at me from across the table. She had been getting a small plate and heard almost all of it.

"Thank you."

I heard her whisper and got up, stepping out for air while most people were distracted. I didn't want people to thank me for helping. I didn't want to hear stories about Alana and Jason and the kids. I didn't want to sit and watch this travisty unfold. Especially when I was pregnant and unable to control my emotions. I heard the door opened and was about to scream when two arms wrapped around me and that familiar scent of Jack and musk I loved.

"It's ok..." He sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Sonny, don't." I pulled away.

"I just seen..."

"Don't sonny. Not right now." I turned around and wiped a few tears, "you left me worried sick and decided you can just sweep it away because I was crying. No."

He dropped his head and walked away as calmed down enough to get the kids and drive home. A few goodbye hugs and telling ray he needs to stay and watch Jason for the moment and I was able to drive home. Sonny wasn't with me and I didn't mind it. He would be home soon enough and he could apologize then or sleep on the couch with the dogs.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

After sax pushed me away, I decided I needed a drink and Davis offered me a ride. We stopped at a bar on the way back to my place, liquid courage to get me to go home and face the music. I needed a distraction and Davis was happy to help.

"Talk about embracing the suck. You know, I-I ain't never picked out a coffin before." 

"It's called a casket." She corrected me, "Coffin is morbid."

"No. Coffin, casket, pine ride to the nether world. That's all you, Davis."

"Uh, no." She scuffed, "No. Look, the only funerals that I've ever been to were Navy. Dress blues and 21 guns.All I had to do was stand at attention."

"Well, a Navy funeral, that sounds morbid to me. And there's no way in hell I'm letting a bunch of squids handle my final good-bye. You see, I want, like, a Texas-style barbecue, okay? Grill me right alongside the ribs, and then take my ashes and scatter them all over the Alamo."

"There's something wrong with you, you know that?"

"I stand by my choice."

"Okay. Why don't you tell sax that." She took a sip.

I tried not to look like her name effetced me and kept the topic on point, "How about you? Hmm? Let me guess, you want, like, some sort of traditional funeral?"

"I don't care. I just I want my life to have mattered."

"Well, that's a done deal, Davis. It already does. To all the people here, to the team. To me."

"Thank you, Sonny. That's nice to hear." She gave a soft smile.

I raised my hands out in front of me, "Oh, pump the brakes. Don't get too touched. I've had.... too many feels already today."

"Okay." She nodded, "are you going to answer me about sax?"

"Uh, no." I got up slowly, "Okay? I need another drink."

* * *

I got home and didn't even bother going to check on sax and the kids. I heard her fan going and seen no lights. I was fine going to bed, well the couch, and sleeping for the night. Even if it meant a bad night, I knew it wouldn't be goo since i didn't have sax beside me.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

i woke up to see sonny on the couch asleep. I took a deep breath and got ready before edropping the kids off at friends houses and came back to get sonny in his suit. He was fixing his sleeves and I stopped him, adjusting them for him as he watched my hands also fix his jacket.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to cut it sonny." 

"I was an ass. I should've behaved better and not started drinking like that." I fixed his tie and let my hands linger a moment.

"You should've. We have kids now sonny." I looked up, "we have a baby on the way and I can not stay here and watch you self destruct like that when I have three kids to think about."

"And you shouldn't." He whispered and pushed anfew stay strands of hair back from my face, "you deserve better. That's why you didn't answer."

I closed my eyes, "no sonny, I didn't answer because it was out of nowhere and you weren't doing it for the right reason."

"I love you, isn't that the right reason?"

"Not to marry me and that wasn't the reason. We tried that all before remember?" I didn't pull away just rested my hands on his chest, "sonny... You use to say things that sounded like romance novels and turn around and crack a crude joke. I know we aren't what we use to be but the though of you on a bender killed me inside. No matter what was going on, you should've called back. Should've said you were ok or anything."

"I know."

"Good, then you know why I need a little more time." I kissed his nose, "you look handsome."

"And you are always beautiful." He gave a small forced smile.

I smoothed out the dress skirt. Long silk sleeves and high neck line with a flowing skirt starting at my waist. It was simple but better then anything else I could fit in. He took my hand to help me out and into the truck, it felt better now but still not perfect.

* * *

 The father stood by her casket reading, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup runneth over. Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen."

Everyone whispered the amen and looked up as the father motioned Jason up. He stood up and walked over as everyone watched him. I prayed for the best.

"I'm not really good at this. I wrote some things down." He pulled a piece of paper from his breast pocket, "It's, uh, ironic that I'm a SEAL and, uh, Alana she's the one who pulled me out of the water when we were kids and saved me. That's how we met."

He paused as I seen a lot of people shifting and the kids about to cry.

"It's always been Alana and me and then the kids. A family. I thought that Alana revolved around me. Like she and the kids were frozen in time right when I left until I came home. But now I understand."

Jason's voice broke as he pushed on, "I understand. It was because of Alana that I could be who I was a Team guy. She held everything together and made it work. She didn't revolve around me. I revolved around her. Our family did."

Jason sighed and sniffled looking up at his kids a moment then back to the paper, "I really hope that our family can survive without you, baby."

Then that dreaded noise. Phones ringing. The men grabbed them quickly to silence them and Jason felt his buzz. I seen the look as he started to walk to the side and reached for it. Then all I heard was gasps as you seen Emma red eyed crying and running to pound her fists into her dad's chest.

"I hate you!" She pounded on him as he tried to stop her and everyone watched, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"All right." He whispered, "Hey. Hey. Stop. Hey."

Sonny squeezed my hand a second before walking away with all the men, the prefect excuse to miss this scene play out.

"I hate you! I hate you!" Emma bawled and continued to hit his chest as he tried to hug her.

"Stop. Stop."

I glanced at ray, a silent warning to talk sense into Jason as he nodded back.

"You can't go. You can't go. You can't go." She half screamed into his chest and I seen Jason look to ray.

"I'm sorry." Jason squeezed her a second and started to let go.

I rushed and caught her arms from Jason's grip as she continued to cry and beat him for choosing to go. She pulled away for a moment before falling back into me, slowly turning around to burry her face against me. I watched Jason walk away as I held her tight and slowly got her back to her seat. His mother insisted I take his chair next to Emma to keep her calm and get off my feet... I just nodded and held back tears as his family slowly shattered.


	38. Long time coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby drama with Sonny gone.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

The mission had a rocky start, our Target wasn't in his spot. We had to switch to another rescue mission on finding the target. My mind was in the op, running through everything without Jason leading us. I couldn't think of anything else, I had to be in the moment. 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was just waking up, rubbing my belly as it throbbed lightly. I could smell something in the kitchen and perked up.  _ **Sonny must've got home! He made me breakfast, that's always his go to.**_ I jumped up and slowly waddled to the bathroom before stepping out to see the kids. Dorri and shahpur had a small tray of food and was waiting by the door.

"Oh you guys are to sweet." I chuckled and sat back down in the bed as they sat the tray down for me.

"We wanted to show you appreciation." She nodded, "we made food."

"Thank you."

I waved them both in to get a hug and then had them get plates and come back to eat with me. It might not be Sonny's famous hangover (or team stay over) breakfast, but it was great because it came from them. After finishing the food, I promised to take a walk at the park with them and Tex. They got ready and I slowly pulled on clean maternity clothes before coming out to the kids. We put Tex in his harness and slowly started walking to the park down the way. I couldn't ignore the throb, it didn't feel like the baby kicking. I just rubbed that spot and kept going.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We had just cleared our plan for the second time and burst into the room to rescue the target. We rushed in, head shots all the way till he was secured. Ray and Adam were with the target and the rest of us were checking bodies. Making sure any s-vest or belts were secured and checking for weapons. I pulled a wallet out of the guys pocket, opening it to see his family in a small photo. I paused and looked at it carefully as clay leaned in.

"Crazy isn't it." I whispered.

"Yeah, different world man." He moved on and I glanced at the photo again.

The oldest girl by the wife looked like dorri almost. But the longer I looked the more they morphed into my family. I could see sax and dorri and shahpur there and I blinked and it was back to normal.  ** _Crazy.... Just keep going. Get your head in the misson._** I tossed the wallet down and moved on.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

We were walking around the park, easy going and peaceful. When I felt a harder throb, I sat on a bench as the kids played with Tex. My stomach felt stiff and a dull ache hit my back, then realization hit.  _ **You're going into labor.**_ I grabbed my phone and called Niama and Stella both, then called the kids in.

"Guys, we have to go." I huffed and barely got up, "I'm going into labor."

They both followed me out and waiting by the entrance was Niama with the kids. She rushed us to the hospital, getting out to the wheelchair as my water broke. The nurses took me back and I watched as Stella came running in to join the group. 

They moved me into a room and helped me change into a gown, getting everything started and taking my information down. They were talking to me and trying to get me calmed down and focused. I just felt a stabbing in my lower back and overwhelming pain.

* * *

_**Stella** _

* * *

I rushed in and sighed as Niama was waiting for me, "how is she?"

"Ok giving the circumstance." 

"Did you call base? Are the guys back yet?"

"I don't think so, ray was supposed to call the minute they landed." 

"Ok, I'll call base so they can get the Info to sonny." 

Niama stopped me, "I doubt they will. If he's still working then they wouldn't risk him getting side tracked."

"Still, as soon as he's done it can get passed along." I called and gave the information before niama told me to go back while she had all the kids. 

It took a moment but I eventually got back into the room. Saxon was trying to keep calm. She looked over and let out a breath.

"Oh thank God someone is here." She winced, "please tell me sonny is here."

"No, they are still out."

"Damn it." She hissed, "this isn't feeling good right now."

"I'm here for you, how can I help?" I took her hand as I swore she broke it with a half squeeze of her hand.

"I don't know... To much everything." She huffed and I waved a nurse down.

"I think she'll like a epidural."

"Hell yes I would." Sax hissed softly as the nurse was checking to see if it was too late.

_**I am not ready for this, they need to get back here now.** _

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We were waiting at exfill, everything good as we loaded the target into the truck. I was about to join him when Adam told command to repeat the instructions and everyone froze.

"That's correct. You're being re-tasked to assist with enemy combatants at the Khorana University." 

We all looked at each other, knowing this wouldn't get better anytime soon. 

"How do we know they're still alive?" Clay asked.

"One student, Valerie Wyatt, contacted her family in a live feed through social media to say good-bye." Davis addressed and we all exchanged a look.

"And likely broadcasting their position to the enemy at the same time."

"Please tell me they're not 33 floors up." I sighed as I started walking.

"Bravo 1, the target is approximately 1,000 meters to the east of your current location. You'll have ISR support, but our partner forces are spread thin. You're gonna have to patrol to the university on your own."

Adam looked at each of us, "Roger that, Havoc. Sending a goodie bag your way with the FSO."

We sent the target off safely, everyone swinging their guns around and checking.

"Mag check, boys." Adam called as we all loaded up, "Clay, find me a route."

"I'm on it." The kid pulled a map and I slowly started walking as everyone was following clay and Adam ahead.

"Lovely night for a stroll, boys." I smirked, "Yeah, it's not like we've been running up and down stairs all day."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I had almost no time for the epidural, everything was happening so fast and I had no control. This baby which we hadn't even named was coming and sonny was god knows where doing god knows what. I growled as the first push came as my body blocked a little pain. The doctor was in there telling me when to push and I was barely holding on.

"Ok, push." 

Just as I pushed I heard him yelling to stop and my head getting foggy. I barely seen them walking Stella out of the room and tools being brought in as I passed out.

"We need blood in here!"

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We finally got close to the college, slowly approaching and looking around. We found a woman and her two kids hiding by a dumpster and moved them to safety. Getting them inside a building before slowly starting back on our way.

"Kairos, you can keep your damn crystals." I lifted the gun up as we started our move in at the edge of the college, "I'm telling you all I've got some psychic in me."

"I believe you mean "psycho." 

It was silent as we approached. Seeing nothing but dead bodies the whole way through the small courtyard. What looked like a party had gone terribly wrong and there wasn't a survivor in sight. We all look around from the edge as ray dropped to check the closest body for a pulse. He got up quickly and looked up as if tracing a imaginary line.

"Sniper!" He shouted.

Gunfire rang out. Everyone running back to cover. I swing to get an angle as ray had ducked behind something away from us. We needed to bring him back by us but I couldn't find the position of the sniper.

"Where the hell's he shooting from?"

"Havoc, troops in contact. I say again, troops in contact!" Adam yelled into the mic from the back as we all manage to fall back against the building for cover and waited out the gunfire from above.

We were pinned and couldn't get a line of sight without being made a target due to the spot lights from above. That when everything got worse.


	39. Sacrifice

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

 Shots rained down as we all pressed our backs to the wall and waited.

"We need to get an angle on the sniper." Adam called.

"Tan building, southwest corner." Ray answered finally seeing the muzzle.

"If I get up to that white truck up there, I'll get a clean shot." Clay adds.

"Roger that, Bravo 2. Take 6." Adam nodded as we all got in position, "Get this guy."

Gunfire continued as Ray and Clay made a run for the truck and I gave cover fire from the corner. They dove behind the truck and got their spots, clay slowly got up to take a shot and my attention went back to the sniper. That was the last thing I saw until I heard a grunt and Ray calling out.

"Clay? Clay! Man down!"

We glanced over to see clay on his back not moving and then we went back to returning fire. Bullets ricocheting around as Ray got the shot in and took down the sniper.

"Clay? Clay!"

I lifted him up as Ray took the other side, running back down the alley to a building for cover. 

"Come on. Come on."

"Get him into cover." Adam ordered as we sat him down and ray started checking him over.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Sitrep. Your advancement to the university seems to have stopped." Blackburn called over the coms.

"Havoc, this is Bravo 1. Man down. How copy?" Adam replied as we all took our spots watching.

"Copy, Bravo 1. Standing by."

Only thing I heard was panting, seeing ray push the vest around to feel out a wound. 

"He took a round directly to his chest plate. No entry or exit wound. Didn't penetrate. Got a pulse, but he's not breathing."

"All right, impact must have paralyzed his respiratory system." Trent dropped down and pushed the vest down to get a shot in..

Clay gasped for air and every took a breath of relief.

"All right, let's get him up. Let's get him up."

I helped them set him up as he sighed in relief.

"At least we know his body armor wasn't made in China." I vested.

"All right, yes or no questions only. Are you in Virginia Beach?" Trent was blinding him with a light on his face.

Clay shook no slightly.

"Are you in India?"

He nodded.

"Am I better-looking than Sonny?"

Clay started to chuckle and smile as Trent smiled and pulled back, "He's fine."

"Goldilocks is obviously concussed." I replied from my new spot by the door.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Give me a sitrep. The students aren't gonna be able to hide forever."

"We're all up, Havoc. Bravo 2 took a round to body armor. He's ambulatory. We are Charlie Mike. Any new information on the students' location?"

"The background of Valerie Wyatt's video matches with the third floor of the library, but there haven't been any new posts. No way to know if the students are still there."

"Maybe they're all too dead to work the social media." I slip in.

"Maybe they're lying low so they don't give themselves away." Ray glanced over.

"Dead or alive, job is to find 'em." Adam ended the conversation, "Havoc Base, this is Bravo 1. We lost a little time here. Can you help us out with a faster route to the university?"

"Bravo 1, resume your previous course. 50 meters up, turn east. 800 meters on, you're gonna run into the back gate of the university."

"Roger that. Bravo out." Adam moved over to clay, "Clay, stay close to me. Ray, you're on point. The rest of you, fall into patrol order."

Adam was talking to clay as we all started moving. Clay was trying to get his head back in the game and Adam was making sure.

"Not so hard. Shake it off."

"Roger that." Clay nodded and we moved on.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

 I was feeling everything, the epidural wasn't helping as I sat in pain. Stella was helping me through the best she could but it wasn't Sonny. I needed Sonny. The doctor was telling me to push as if I couldn't tell when my head pounding and stomach twisting as I pushed and pushed. My mouth dry, heart racing and I couldn't focus on anything else.  _ **Sonny, I need Sonny.**_ It was ringing through my head and before I knew it, I heard a cry.

"We have a baby boy." 

I was dizzy and barely awake as I felt a rush of cold. Stella leaned in as I motioned her down to whisper the name in her ear as I felt my chest lose all air.

"What's wrong?"

"She's hemorrhaging..."

I blacked out.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

"Bravo 1, you have multiple unknowns approaching your position." 

As Davis's voice dropped you heard Adams pick up, "Roger that. Out."

We stopped behind a bit of cover and waited on his word.

"Dual point. Dual point."

We split into two sides and came up through the small passageway. Gun fire rang out and we ducked into cover and returned fire. I saw Adam empty his clip and run back to reload, as we fired on. I barely heard him screaming from the back.

"S-vest!" 

Before anyone could react there was an explosion. With the last enemy down ahead of us, we turned back to see what happened.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. What did we just see?" 

"What happened?!" Ray asked and slapped Clay's shoulder as he stood in shock.

"Adam, Adam, he, uh he just..." 

We all seen his body laying on the ground. Clay staring down and unable to speak.

"Give me a sitrep. Over."

Ray reached down and checked his pulse, "Adam's gone."

"Bravo 1, respond."

"Clay, answer him." I pleaded as we all watched him standing there unable to do anything.

"Radio check. Over."

"Will someone please answer him?" I snapped watching our second in command shutting down.

"Bravo 1, answer. All stations, this is Havoc Base. What the hell is going on out there?" 

Ray took his mic and sounded off, "Havoc, this is Bravo 6. We read you Lima Charlie. I pass fallen eagle."

"Bravo 6, say again your last."

"6 to base, I say again, fallen eagle. We lost Bravo 1."

"Bravo 6, tell me what you need. Do you want to extract? Or do you want to continue the mission after the CASEVAC?"

"Havoc, can you relay the latest sitrep at the university?"

"The Mumbai police have set up a perimeter. There's a Lieutenant Arya that's in charge there. They have reported execution of hostages. It's 20 minutes to get to them." Davis answers followed by Blackburn, "Bravo 6, CASEVAC and extract are both 20 mikes out. It's your call."

"Roger that. How far are we from the university, Havoc?"

"About three mikes."

"I copy three mikes to the university and 20 to CASEVAC or extract. Stand by." Ray ended his call and I jumped right in.

"Extract? No discussion. We ain't turning tail. You understand? This job ain't done."

"I don't t like a CASEVAC any more than I like an extract." Ray looked to me, "Takes us time that the kids don't have."

"Okay, then we hump the rest of the way in." I finished.

"We're not leaving Adam here." Clay finally spoke.

"Adam's not here," Ray answered as everyone looked to Clay.

"Then I'm staying here! You understand?!" Clay stood toe to toe with Ray as he stood up.

"Whoa, whoa.Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." I rushed over to put myself between the two.

"We're not leaving Adam behind!" Clay shouted as I pushed him back to put space between them.

"Sonny! I got it." Ray looked to me as I stepped back.

"Clay. You staying here is not an option, okay? It's either we all stay or not. Now, let me tell you something. As hard as this decision is, Adam would have made the same damn one. Because he knows those kids need us more than he does. Hey. We will be back. Look at me. We will be back." Ray stared clay down till he answered.

"Okay."

"Havoc, this is Bravo 6. That's a negative on the CASEVAC. We are Charlie Mike to the university."

"Roger that, 6. I copy, Charlie Mike."

We propped Adam up against some bags in the alley and covered him with a blanket. Clay stood watching as ray gave orders and we started to move.

"Trent on point. Sonny, take rear security. Let's move out." 

He moved on and I stopped taking Clay's shoulder, "Hey, now ain't the time to mourn. Time for payback, all right? Let's go."

It took a moment but he followed.

* * *

_**Stella** _

* * *

I was rushed from the room as they pushed equipment in. A nurse was holding me back as I watched and tried to push by. 

"What's going on?"

"She lost a lot of blood, they have to stop the bleeding and resupply the blood she lost so she doesn't go into shock."

"I think she's past shock." I watched as the curtain was pulled to hide the view only after another shout.

"She's in cardiac arrest!"

I was breathing heavy as the nurse walked me out to the waiting room again, "we are doing everything we can. She'll be in surgery soon."

I was stunned as I came face to face with Niama again. She was asking what's wrong but they struggled to come out.

"She's hemorrhaging, they said something about cardiac arrest and surgery soon."

"Watch the kids a moment." Niama pulled her phone and made a call before going to the nurse's words herself.

* * *

_**Eric** _

* * *

 Davis was talking with a woman and shut the door as she turned to leave. I watched from across the room and asked as soon as she walked back over.

"What does she want?"

"She's from the State Department. Reporters are calling her office trying to seek confirmation that U.S. forces are on the ground."

"What outlets?"

"Fox and AP."

"How long can she avoid answering?"

"Well, as long as we want, but they're gonna seek out other sources."

"Well, for now, the line is, "No comment."

"Mm-hmm."

I walked over to a seat in the corner and sat down as I hit the number. It rang a moment but then he answered.

"Harrington."

"It's Blackburn, sir. We have a situation." I took a small breath, "Between the media and the aid organizations, word about Adam's gonna get out soon."

"All right, I'll, uh, I'll make sure the family hears it from us first."

"Roger that, sir."

"Eric. Anything you need, all right?"

"Thank you, sir."

"I have an update on Reigns, the baby is fine. She's on the fighting end though."

"How bad?"

"From what I've just been told, she was bleeding badly. The doctors have her in surgery right now."

I shook my head as I just thought about telling Sonny this once they got back. It wasn't going to be pretty.

"Thanks sir, I'll pass it on once he's out.

* * *

  _ **Sonny**_

* * *

 We rushed down the street, cars on fire and buildings burning as well. Sirens wailing in the distance as we worked through and over to the gate of the university. A few steps in and men are shouting at us and we lifted our guns up into a holding position not to fire as Ray took care of it.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Senior Chief Ray Perry, U.S. Navy Special Operations. I'm looking for Lieutenant Arya."

They talked for a moment before one answered Ray. We were lead to the main set up, a map on a car and the lieutenant laying out what they knew.

"Building's surrounded. We haven't made entry. Force 1 instructed me to relinquish tactical control to you."

"How many enemy inside?" Ray asked.

"At least six, but we don't know."

"And hostages?"

"Also unknown."

"The main entrance, is it a lobby or an atrium?"

"Both."

"Then let's not go that way." I added as Ray looked over.

"This side entrance over here. Is it locked?" Clay looks over to the man.

"It's an emergency exit; it shouldn't be."

"Check. We enter there. Trent, on point." Ray starts to grab his stuff as we all prepare to enter.

"I got it." Clay interrupted.

Ray looked at him a moment, "Took around to the chest, brother."

"Shook it off."

Ray nodded, "All right. Take us out."

We started to move in, Clay on point building us to the door. It took no time to reach as we moved into our spots. The door ready for us to go through.

"Havoc, this is Bravo. We are making entry." Clay put over the coms as the door swung open.

Our guns dropped ready to fire as a young woman came rushing out with panicked breathing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. It's okay, it's okay." Ray caught her, "We're Americans. We're Americans. We're here to help. You're safe now. Come with us."

She nodded still shaking as we turned around and moved her out.

"Havoc, this is Bravo. We are standing down."

We took her back out and sat her down. Trent was checking out her arm as we stood waiting to question her and hopefully get help on where the kids are.

"Is my arm broken?"

"Gonna say yes. Embassy doctors will confirm." He nods as he wrapped it up, "Remember how you hurt it?"

"I heard gunshots. I ran. Everybody did. Tripped and fell."

"How many bad guys did you see?"

"I don't know. I was on the floor. I played dead until they were gone. Waited for help and nobody came, so I ran for it." She started to almost hyperventilate, "I left my friends behind." She teared up, "Who does that?"

"It's not like you had a real choice." I offered to calm her down.

She looked at me a little horrified and I caught Clay glancing my way too.

"Everyone in our program was there. We were there to cram for an exam tomorrow."

"How many of you?" Clay asked.

"Nine."

"And you guys were all together when the shooting started?"

"No. I went to the bathroom and they were in the study lounge."

"Where's the study lounge? I watched her shaking her head and starting to cry again.

"I'm sorry. I want to help. I just, I can't remember right now."

"Jamie, Jamie." Ray started.

"I'm so sorry."

"Look at me. Look at me." He got her to look at him, "You can help us. Brock."

He made space and rock mover Cerberus up and got him to jump up by the girl.

"Hey, Jamie, this is Cerberus. He's just gonna get your scent."

Cerberus started to sniff and lick her hand as she sat there. Slowly she calmed down and Cerberus was dragging brock to the bad men. Bark in and tugging to get there.

"Havoc, this is Bravo. Making entry." I called over the mic this time.

"Solid copy, Bravo. Havoc out."

"Trent, Brock, Ray, you're with me." Clay started, "Kairos, you go left. Sonny, go right. Give me an audible when you're clear."

"Roger."

"Copy that."

We moved down the book covered walls of the library and as we came to the end, we call off.

"Clear right."

"Clear left."

We ran up the steps, clearing to the door of the third floor, "Havoc, this is Bravo 6, making entry. Third floor library."

Ray pushed through first then we all followed in to see only students. They were gasping and panting as we started down the small steps to them.

"All right, Sonny, organize 'em." Ray ordered, "Brock, Kairos, set security."

I stepped down as the final orders were given, "Trent, Clay, med checks."

"All right, everybody, listen up." I started looking over each of the kids so they knew I was talking to them, "We're U.S. military, and we are here to help you. Do what we say to do, and when we say to do it, and all of us are gonna get out of here breathing. You understand?"

I watched most of them nod and took that as my answer, "Okay, single file line. Let's go."

"Bravo 6 to Havoc Base. We have positive control of eight American students, five foreign, on target."

"Copy that, Bravo 6."

"They're all good to go." Clay nodded to Ray and we started moving them.

"Copy."

"You have found the students." Blackburn acknowledged the call.

"Bravo 6 to Havoc Base. We're preparing to extract the students."

"Copy that."

"Everybody, take their right hand, and put it on the shoulder of the person in front of them." I ordered the students and watched as they listened.

"Havoc, this is Bravo 6. We are Oscar Mike." 

We moved on down the steps, Clay and Ray leading as I and Trent fell to the back. 

"Hold at the bottom of the stairwell."

"Holding." 

We all stop at the bottom of the steps as they took the first few steps into the library. We stopped and ducked into the bookcases.

"Movement, movement, movement." Came a whisper from the front.

"I got tangos between us and our exit point." Clay looked to Ray.

"Trent, take the high ground. Kairos, keep them in the stairwell. Hold security." Ray fired off the orders.

"Way too many places for them to hide out there. We need an advantage." 

"Havoc, this is Bravo 6."

"Go for Havoc."

"Tell Lieutenant Arya and his men to get to the building's junction box outside our entry point." Ray looked at this small group.

"Roger that. What do you need?"

"Darkness. Stand by, Havoc Base."

We heard them speaking, waiting a moment then Ray gave the order.

"In three, two, one. Now."

The lights went off and we started on our path. They were yelling to each other in the dark and we went right down the way firing with the silencers. Ray lead with Clay on his right and me to the left. Each shelf we passed was checked quickly and any enemy was on the floor. Trent was above picking off his few he could see as we got the harder ones. Bullets were flying as books were shredded and papers were flying around us. 

Trent called "All clear." 

We flipped the night vision up as Ray got the lights back on.

"Havoc, this is 6. Tell Lieutenant Arya to give us light."

The lights came on and we saw all the dead men lying around. I glanced down at one as Clay watched.

"That's payback."

We got the students back in line and moved them out.  We reached the barricade and students gasped in relief. Not but a few steps out and they were all running over to Jamie and finding medical attention.

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. The students are en route to your position along with local partner force. Where's our ride to Bravo 1?"

"Trying to get you one, Bravo 6. Could take a beat."

"Whoa. What is that supposed to mean?" Clay jumped on the mic?

"Hey, Clay. I got this." Ray stopped him.

"Yeah, resources are stretched thin. The city's still in chaos. Working on it."

"Roger that." Ray sighed.

"Roger that"? That's handling it? What about, "How long is this gonna take?" You know, how long are we just gonna leave Adam laying there, exposed, waiting for somebody to come pick up a souvenir?" Clay jumped in, clearly upset like the best of us were hiding.

"Davis is monitoring him on ISR right now, brother."

"That's good enough for you? That's not good enough for me." He walked past to a truck in the parking lot, "You guys want to wait here, wait. That's fine."

"Clay." Ray warned.

"Go ahead. I'm gonna go get Adam." Clay opened the door and started the truck up. 

We all glanced around and then to Ray, "Let's go, boys."

We all got in the small pickup truck and started back to Adam. We carried him into the embassy and was given the orders to wash up quickly before the plane was leaving. We had twenty minutes to be on the plane and heading home. Barely meeting the deadline as we all tried to pull ourselves back together over this loss. I was on the plane digging through my bag when Davis walked in with Blackburn.

"Can I help you find something?" Davis asked.

"A priest."

"Why is that?" She asked confused though it might have just been me digging in a bag.

"Well, we're losing people left and right. It's a curse. No other way about it." 

"No such thing as a curse." Kairos asked from the other side of the net.

"Says the curse himself." I looked up, "You know since you've been here, Jason's gone home, Clay's been shot, and Adam's in a-a box."

"Would you feel better if you took a swing at me?"

"No, hippie. I'm a peacekeeper. Got my own way of coping." I said holding up a bottle as Davis sighed.

"Sonny..."

Eric walked towards me and stopped, "we need to talk.'

"about what?" I took a swig.

"Saxon." 

The plane went silent and everyone looked over. My heart stopped and I don't know how I was still standing.  _ **No, not Sax. You can't take her too. I can't live without her.**_ I went numb as I heard feet coming my way.

"You are officially a father Sonny. Five pounds one ounce." He stopped for a breath as everyone had to have perked up.

"And Sax?" I asked with a small smile.

He didn't answer and that sinking feeling hit again, "Sax?"

"She lost a lot of blood during delivery. Last I heard she was in surgery." 

I felt my knees shaking and I barely felt arms lifting me up.  _ **No, no... She can't.**_ I had tow arms leaning me back against the wall, Clay and Ray talking to me to keep my head intact. But I was already lost, in complete shock and denial as I sat there in silence just looking at the bottle in my hands for the longest time. I slowly came back around and got up, walking to the casket and lifting up the bottle.

"My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If I get knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I'm never out of the fight. We demand discipline. Discipline."

I took a breath as Ray and Clay stood up beside me, "We expect innovation. The lives of my teammates and the success of our mission depends on me."

Before long the rest of the team was standing around with us, "Our training is never complete. We train for war, we fight to win. I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of combat power to bear in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by my country. The execution of my duties will be swift and violent when required, yet guided by the principles I serve to defend. Brave men have fought and died building the proud tradition and feared reputation I am bound to uphold. In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed.  I will not fail."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was laying in the bed, head pounding and heart slowed down from the last time I was awake. My eyes opened to a bright room as I tried to cover my eyes and the lights flipped off.

"Scared me there."

"Sonny?"

I slowly started to make out his figure, his bread as my hand found it and lips as they found mine. It was brief as the machine gave a sharp spike in my heart rate and went back down. 

"How many times do I have to tell you, don't die on me." He whispered.

"I'm still here ain't I?"

He sniffled and I swore I saw a tear on his face, "How's our boy?"

"Better than you at the moment." He squeezed my hand, "how are you feeling?"

"Alive... Just focus on the alive part." I sighed, "I don't remember much. The baby was crying and then I went cold with the doctor screaming for something and blacked out."

"Doc said you were bleeding out. And somehow some of your fluids hit your blood and you had cardiac arrest."

"Ok... Maybe a doctor would make more sense babe." I whispered, took a deep breath, "did you see him yet?"

"A glance, more worried about you." He looked up as the nurse rolled in the baby.

"Ok, ready to see your little boy?" The nurse asked and handed him over carefully in his wrap to me, "congratulations."

I looked at the small boy, head resting on my chest as I held him carefully. Sonny ran his hand over his head and smiled, his boy yawn and trying to reach for him.

"I forgot to mention, I picked a name." I looked over to sonny, "meet your son, Adam."

He tensed up and sat back, "Sax... You have no idea."

"What?" I asked worriedly.

"Adam's gone." He looked at the boy.

I froze, nothing came to mind at this news. What could I say? We just lost a major member of Bravo team.

"Sonny, that was the only name I could think of. I guess I know why now." I made him lean in to listen, "And one day, we'll tell him all about his namesake. The hero he got his name from." 

We both shed a tear at those few words, I had no idea how it happened and didn't need to know more then those few words he spoke. He was safe, I'm safe....just not out of mourning yet.


	40. Fears, tears, and tears.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was barely awake, my body wanting to stay awake for Sonny but I wasn't sure if I wanted too. He was out with the guys 'golfing' for Adams special tribute. Except it was like three in the morning and I knew just how wasted he could get.  _ **Not that Adam wouldn't have loved this little game, I just wasn't going to do it in his honor. I preferred to sleep.**_ Laying back, I felt a small tug on my side and attempted to shit to get rid of the pain. The doctor said something about the pregnancy irritating old injuries. 

"God sonny, I swear I'll kill you for this one day." I huffed.

"Hello, beautiful." He smirked and walked over to me easily before tripping right onto the bed.

"Sonny damn, you smell like a bottle Daniels." I shoved him to the side as he tried to crawl up me for a kiss.

"I thought you liked Jack Daniels."

"Not when I'm struggling to breastfeed." I slipped away only for the rib to shift, "can drink but a glass or the baby can be affected."

"Or get drunk off my kiss and I'll breastfeed." He winked and started to pull me back in.

"I'll die of alcohol poisoning first." I chuckled and shoved him back, barely getting him off me as the baby cried, "go to bed, you're drunk." 

"Night Sax." He fell face first into the bed and I smiled as I heard him starting to snore already.

"Night sonny." 

I picked up little Adam, walking him over to the couch and getting comfortable as i tried to feed him. In the few weeks since i had him, Adam wasn't big on breastfeeding. He didn't latch correctly and usually, like tonight, broke the skin and made you bleed. Luckily your back up bottles were good and you bottle fed him as you stuffed your nursing top with paper towels to stop the bleeding. He curled up on my chest after half a bottle and an easy burping, sleeping on my chest as I slowly dozed off.

* * *

A small fuss on my chest got my eyes opened. Little man was slowly waking up for breakfast and I needed to get a fresh bottle. Before i could wake up enough to walk, two arms lifted him up and I smiled Dorri.

"Thank you."

"No problem." She smiled, "we already ate and have a few spare minutes."

I got up and stretched before taking Adam back. Dorri kissed his head and shahpur followed before giving a hug to me too. They left for school a moment later, walking the whole way alone as I carried little Adam over for a bottle. Only a minute later, Sonny stumbles out and tries to kiss me and the baby and was blocked.

"I am not letting you get him drunk." I shook my head, "coffee and shower."

"Ok, ok..." He rolled his eyes and took the coffee cup from the counter, "shower it is."

He walked back with coffee cup in hand. I laughed gently and started to feed Adam. 

"Your dad is really sweet... And stupid."

He gurgled and went back to eating. I smiled and bounced him, rocking him gently as he finished his bottle. I tossed a rag over my shoulder and started to pat his back.

Sonny stumbled in only a towel, not completely hungover. He stood up straight and fixed his towel, sitting the coffee mug in the sink. He gave me a kiss and took little Adam to hold a moment.

"Better?" 

"Much better." I gave him a wink, "what are you up to today?"

"Work. At least as soon as i think i can drive." He lifted Adam up, "how is my girl and baby boy."

"Good, Dorri and Shahpur said hi."

"They've left for school?"

"Yeah, missed them by a few minutes."

He sighed and walked Adam back to his room, "I'll get this guy changed then."

"You know they love you, even if you get wasted and can't wake up before they leave for school." 

"Never said they didn't." He called back, "everyone loves me."

"More like puts up with you." I mumbled. 

I took a deep breath before heading back to take Adam and force sonny to get dressed. We had a checkup and Sonny needed to get to work. I stopped at the door to watch as he changed the diaper, chuckling as he made faces. 

"Ok babe, let's not." I smirked, "those faces are horrible." 

I took Adam and fixed the diaper before getting him dressed. Sonny walked off grumbling but not arguing with me. I got changed and he kissed me before walking me out to the truck with Adam.

"See you after my meeting." He winked.

I waved him off, "love you too, threat or not."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I went off to work, not leaving on the bike till after she pulled out. Watching Sax with the baby was unbelievable... I actually felt like a father watching her hold him. Made me think about having to be around now, needing to come home to not only Sax but three kids. I became Ray and Jason...  _ **But do i deserve it? Am i really the right man?**_ I closed my eyes a moment before rushing off to the base. Everyone was waiting for the meeting to start, my ass barely touching a chair when i already got questions.

"So what did Sax do after you came home drunk?"

I glanced at Brock as he waited for a reply, "I don't remember... I passed out on the bed. I think she got up because Adam was crying... Or at least they were both asleep on the couch when. I got up."

"A baby crying wouldn't wake him." Ray glanced at Jason, "he's already starting off bad."

"At least Sax can handle everything." Clay smirked as i threw a paper ball at him.

"I happen to be a great father."

"Hold on there cowboy." Jason patted my shoulder, "a few weeks and your great? Not a chance. I give Sax the title first."

Everyone laughed as the room filled up and suddenly we all felt the mood change. By the time Mandy walked in, we were focused and watching her begin.

"Good morning, everyone." Eric starts, "Bravo Team is about to prosecute a highly sensitive target package that's taken months to put together. Final approval came from the White House, so we need everyone to be squared away on this one. There's no margin for error. Understood?"

We all nod and look over to Mandy as she takes center of the room, "Andres Doza. He's the head of the most lethal cartel in Mexico, and one of the most slippery fugitives alive today. We've only confirmed four sightings of him in the last decade. His top lieutenants are equally elusive."

She paused and started the little slide show behind her on the monitor, "Doza was born in 1978 in Huaquechula. His parents were farmers. He's exported more dope to the States than anyone in history, amassing a fortune unimaginable."

"All right, look, we know who this guy is." Jason cuts in, "What's the mission?"

"You're gonna hunt him down."

"All right." He nodded.

Clay looked puzzled, "Hunt him down"? We're-we're cleared to operate down in Mexico?"

From the corner of the room we heard, "Yes. Partnering with Mexican Marines. Might take a while to locate him. Maybe weeks, months. But you're in Mexico for as long as it takes."

We looked at Harrington and i couldn't help myself, "Excellent. A little R and R south of the border. That sounds good to me."

"It's not a booty run to Cabo, Sonny." Mandy glared softly.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Sax will kill you if you even tried." Davis smiled from beside me as the guys all laughed.

The conversation jumped back to topic as she laid down everything, "Doza's cartel has thousands of soldiers, a $20 billion war chest, and the most sophisticated weaponry money can buy."

"If El Chapo was Saddam Hussein, then Doza is ISIS." Eric stepped in to help her, "He's sadistic, vicious and indifferent to innocent life."

Jason looked at the paper handed to him and passed it on, "Well, that's great. He's been that for a decade. Why are we engaging now?"

"He crossed a line. He executed an American DEA agent." Mandy clicked her remote and the video popped up. 

It looked like something from a horror movie. We all sobered up quickly with that. No jokes.

"The video goes on for 30 minutes." Mandy added.

"Wheels up at 0700 tomorrow. I suggest you spend the rest of the day getting your affairs in order." Eric advised, "Captain Harrington has the final word."

"Nobody does us like that." Harrington pointed to the video, "You go to Mexico, you find Doza, you don't come home till he's in cuffs or a coffin. Is that understood?"

Everyone stared him down with soft nod, "All right, we're done here."

Everyone started out and I immediately grabbed my phone. Pulling it from the small cubby hole, I was immediately texting Saxon.  _ **A mission where I'm gone till it's done... Maybe a month or more? Perfect timing, she won't kill me for skipping baby duty at all.**_ I sent off one text and started out as the guys watched. No words needed, they knew I was about to go into my own battle at home, because they knew Sax was going to kill me. 

* * *

 

I get home and smiled as I seen here singing and cooking in the kitchen, Adam asleep on the video monitor. She was to lost and the work she never saw me creeping up. 

"You know I love it when you shake your hips like that."

"Well I would say enjoy the show but I know better." She smiled, "your home early so you definitely getting spun up."

"Yeah, about that." I stopped, "This one's a little different."

"What do you mean?" She kept cooking and I kept staring at the floor.

"I don't know when I'm coming back."

"That's how it usually is." She chuckled, "I know how it is."

"No Sax, we are on this mission until it is finished. Days, weeks... Maybe a month or more."

 She froze and reached over to turn the music off. Her eyes haven't found me yet, her body not facing me... I could only imagine what was to come.

"Ok..."

  _ **Ok? Just ok? What hell awaits me when I ask more?**_

 "Just ok?"

"What do you want me to say?" She moved down the counter to the cutting board she had out.

"I want you to tell me the truth."

"It is!" She snapped, "I can't tell you to stay. I can't say anything about your work. But most of all, I have no right to ask anything of you in the way of not going. They need you and i need to take care of everyone else." 

She turned to me after dropping the knife in the sink, "I love you, Sonny. Does this suck? Yes. Can i fix it? No."

"Does it bother you? I mean all of this. Me still being me."

"I'm not gonna ask you to change, just pack your bag and don't forget to check in until you get back." She stopped and crossed her arms, "And you better come back."

"I always come back." I kissed her head as she sighed, "I love you, Saxon."

* * *

 It was late, the kids were asleep and i just got Adam down when Sax popped back around the door.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I could've been a little nicer." She whispered as I shut off the light.

"Don't be, I could have an easier job."

"Yeah right." She rolled her eyes, "hey by the way, Did clay give you the photo?"

I pause and tried to think of what she meant, "What photo?"

  
"Of Adam." She sighed and rolled her eyes, "never mind, I'll text him in a minute."

I stopped and it clicked, I grabbed her arm and held up a finger. Moving back through the house, I grabbed it and carried it back to her.

"This one."

"Yeah." She smiled, "Clay wanted to get the photo framed for the bar's wall."

I looked at it over her shoulder and then carefully set it down, "worry about it later, I'm here for now and have no idea how long ill be gone."

"Don't remind me." She leaned into my arms for a hug, "Sonny... Please be careful."

 "Always am."

 "No, I mean actual careful." She rolled her eyes.

"Where did this come from?" I watched her sit silently before answering for her, "Adam?"

"I'm tired of losing people." 

"Me too."

She tucked into me a moment and breathed in deeply against my chest, "I still can't believe it was Adam."

"Do you remember in green team, how he always stood watching when we ran our drills?"

"Are you kidding? He had his team picked out long before he was given a chance to run one." She smiled, "When he was given bravo, He had to wheel and deal to keep us five together."

"Jason, Ray, Nate, Me and you." I finished, "He was the only one willing and crazy enough to take the girl. He built the team around you."

"Kinda had too, no one but you five would treat me fair."

"Best damn sniper though." I kissed her head, "You know he use to tell us about how proud he was to lead us before he started been team training. He always said he would never regret picking the girl, Even after everything that happened."

 "Yeah, he told me that... A time or twenty after Jason took over." She closed her eyes, "I miss him."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

With Sonny now gone for god knows how long, I was officially stuck with three kids. A new parent completely alone. Dorri made a few friends so I was losing her for part of the day and Shahpur wanted to do soccer. I was sitting at soccer tryouts, little Adam on my lap dozing as I tried to cheer on Shahpur quietly. The only problem, the other parents weren't.

"You go Tyler!"

I flinched a little at the scream just to my right and saw Adam starting to cry. I caught it quick enough I could soothe it before it started. The wife frowned and nudge her husband for yelling.  _ **I never knew pity could be so nice sometimes.**_ I got a bottle and was feeding him as I watched Shahpur. He scored the third touch down and stole the ball from the Tyler kid the guy beside me shouted for.

"That's my boy." I smiled and shifted to burp Adam, "Show them what you got."

After a half hour, the teams were lined up and names called. The front row was first string and the second row was second string. The third name called with small pronunciation error, Shahpur Quinn. I winked at him as he turned around.

"Who let the Arab in?"

"Stan please, be nice. He goes to the school." The wife tried again as i glanced over.

"I never saw him before." He grumbled, "Can he even speak English?"

 _ **Nope, that's it.**_ I sat Adam in the stroller and stood up to shout as the kids were released.

"That's my boy Shahpur!"

He smiled and waved before running over, "i do good?"

"Really good." I kissed his head, "Sonny would be proud. We should tell him when he calls."

"Can we?!"

"Of course. You will bug your sister with or to for missing it."

He smiled and went to the stroller for his drink he wanted. I also had a snack for him which he found and chowed down quickly. I turned to the parents slowly packing up, looking at the dad.

"His name is Shahpur, he's from Jalalabad along with his sister and they are Americans. They speak English and if you say one more bad word about him I will put you down."

"Who do you think you are? You're here cause of your husband being in the navy."

"True... But I met my boyfriend when i was in green team with him." I glared and stepped toe to toe with him, "Watch your words about my son."

He watched as I turned back to Shahpur and Adam. We started to the car and I heard the wife slap him. A while cracked on my face as I got them in the truck.

"I think you deserve some ice cream for that." I winked as he started giving me a play by play on his every goal.

_**Thank God Sonny wasn't there for that one.** _

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We were driving in the car, heading down to the base in Mexico. Fully armored escort and the talk inside wasn't helping fears.

"So this is what you do, huh?" Jason asked.

"Do? Cartel hunter." Rita shrugged, "Sure."

"Any wisdom to share?"

"They're everywhere, and you'll never know who to trust." She offered.

"Well, since you brought it up, Doza owns plenty of people down here, Mexican Marines included. No offense, Lopez." Jason paused and she jumped in.

"The state police, they're all bad. Yeah, the Federales are questionable. But every Marine on this operation was handpicked by Colonel Martinez. I trust him, so I trust them." 

"Why should we trust you?" Clay looked up.

"You shouldn't."

"Well, I can officially say that nothing about this conversation has made me feel any better." I toss out there as everyone cracked a smile.

The talk wasn't the best, I wasn't feeling good about the mission being quick.  _ **Great, Now I'm going to miss so much. Shahpur had his tryouts and Adam just being alive. I know he won't be doing much but he's my baby.**_ I had to get out of my head and back into the mission. Make it go quicker.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Once Dorri was back home, she took over baby duty and I was heading to the bar. It had been a while since I got to just relax and work, to go back to the barflies that keep me employed. I slipped in the back and tossed my jacket on the office desk as Kyle begrudgingly let me behind the bar. 

"You should work back up to this."

"I need a break, I could use some tips too." I smirked, "diapers man, they're expensive."

"Fine, just don't get carried away. It's only been a few weeks since you had Adam." He sat down a five, "and don't chase off customers."

"Saxon? Never." One of the regulars laughed, "only the bad ones... You know the ones who don't pay."

"See? Jim gets it." I teased and refilled his glass.

Kyle waved his hand and walked away. I talked with some of the guys and showed some photos of the baby and how the kids were adjusting. It felt good to be back, almost like a second home. And when the business dropped down a little, I hung up the photo on the fallen wall. 

"One for the road?" One of them offered and told me to pour a shot of my own.

We all toasted Adam and took a shot before a few left for home. As the night went on, I was pulled up on the stage and forced to sing a few songs. The crowd cheering me on and I was finally feeling like myself after the pregnancy.  _ **All I'm missing is Sonny.**_

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

We were ready to go in, after our little meeting. We weren't feeling too good, it wasn't sounding like a good easy run so we can get home. We all wanted to get home. I needed to get back soon. 

I stood talking with Clay and Ray, in the Mexican uniforms.

"I feel like these Mexican uniforms are like the skinny jeans of military apparel." I tried to move around a little in the pants.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure our hosts don't want us flashing Old Glory across the city, right?" Ray looked over.

"It's just they're just so form-fitting, you know?" I tried to squat a little as they both looked over, "I-I swear on the Bible, my testosterone count is dropping as we speak." 

"Well, look on the bright side, Sonny, right? At least that uni helps highlight your enormous ass." Clay smirked.

"Well, I sense some jealousy there of my gluteus maximus. See, look at this, " I bent over slowly, "the bend and snap." I pulled up quickly with my hands folded over at my chest. 

The only thing i could think of since Sax made me watch that stupid movie while she was pregnant.

"Hey, wait, wait." Jason walked up with the rest of the guys and managed to kick my ass before I turned, "Why's Sonny ass look so big in those pants, huh?"

"You hear that?" Clay laughed.

"All this talk about my backside is seriously making me reconsider my commitment to Bravo right now." I gave a halfway convincing straight face before we got interrupted. 

Our mission was ready to go, everything set up and all we had to do was carry it out.


	41. Distance

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

After such a poor first run on this mission, I was worried how the rest would go. I didn't want to live in Mexico and leave Saxon and the kids in Virginia beach alone. Clay and Jason went down to the cages and the rest of us sat on the roof. A beer in hand, I pulled the laptop I carried up and clicked on her name. After a moment and almost cancel it the call, I saw light and Kyle.

"Sorry Sonny, Sax's on stage."

"Could you...?" I rolled my finger and he nodded.

The camera angle changed to sax on stage and the phone was held up to see her better. Her hair pulled back, dirty blonde fading in the light. She had a glow, one that couldn't fade with the baby. Right as the music started, I smiled softly around my beer.

> _"I put away the groceries,_  
>  And I take my daily bread.  
>  I dream of your arms around me,  
>  As I tuck the kids in bed."

I barely noticed everyone looking over and smiling or closing their eyes. Sax always had that effect when she sang, it wasn't till now that she had an audience though.

> _"I don't know what you're doing,_  
>  _And I don't know where you are._  
>  _But I look up at that great big sky,_  
>  _And I hope you're wishing on that same bright star."_

Watching her smile softly, her hair out of her face as she swayed on stage. My shirt tied to the side on her so she didn't look like a toddler in my shirt.  _ **God, I love you sax.**_

> _"I wonder, I pray._  
>  _I sleep alone._  
>  _I cry alone._  
>  _And it's so hard living here ON MY OWN._  
>  _So please come home soon._  
>  _Come home soon."_

A quick glance and you saw even the guards on the roof taking small breaks in their duties, only split seconds where they listened to the music. If they understood the English, I didn't know but is saw more people glancing my way.

> _"I know that we're together,_  
>  _Even though we're far apart._  
>  _And I'll wear our lucky penny,_  
>  _Round my neck pressed to my heart._
> 
> _I wonder, I pray._  
>  _I sleep alone._  
>  _I cry alone._  
>  _And it's so hard living here ON MY OWN._  
>  _So please come home soon._  
>  _Come home soon."_

I got up, walking down to my cage holding the laptop so I can continue watching. I barely glanced around to make sure nothing was in my way as I got to my space and leaned back.

> _"I still imagine your touch._  
>  _It's beautiful missing something that much._  
>  _But sometimes love needs a fighting chance._  
>  _So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance._
> 
> _I wonder, I pray._  
>  _I sleep alone._  
>  _I cry alone._  
>  _Without you this house is not a home._  
>  _So please come home._
> 
> _I walk alone._  
>  _I try alone._  
>  _I'll wait for you._  
>  _Don't want to die alone._
> 
> _So please come home soon._  
>  _Come home soon._
> 
> _Please come home soon."_

The crowd whistles and clapped before she stepped off the stage, walking right over to her phone being held up. She took it from Kyle as he raised his hands and stepped away. The camera flipped back to her and she could finally see me.

"I'd watch out, I'll get back from this mission and be in jail with the looks you were getting up there." My smirked made her laugh softly.

"I doubt that, remember I'm the bouncer too."

"Yeah but the kids need you more." 

"So what are you up to besides spying on me at work." She slipped into the office and sat down behind the desk. 

"Enjoying a little relaxation before more work." I sighed, "I wish we didn't have to stay here until it was done."

"Me too, but it's better than dragging it home with you or getting caught re-entering."

I watched as she glanced at the phone and chuckled. She obviously wasn't looking at me, the way she seemed to be looking past the phone. I gave it a moment, waiting before I brought her back to reality.

"Sax?"

"Oh sorry." She refocused, "Dorri sent a video of Adam wearing your hat and refusing to let them take it."

"Wish I could've seen that one." I smiled at the thought before I seen Clay stop by my door.

"I could send it your w..."

"Love you sax."

I hung up as she waved, a bomb grabbing both of our attention as we rushed back up to the roof. 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I just slipped my phone away when I walked out the door. The bar was packed by we had a full staff working. I was only here to be seen basically and show Dorri I trust her to watch Adam and Shahpur alone. It had been a while, so I just decided to get ready to go when a familiar voice broke through the crowd.

"Sax?"

"Stella?" I glanced up, "been a while."

"Well you've been busy and I guess I have too." She smiled softly, "do you have a little time?"

"Yeah, always." I nodded to the bartender who slid me a water, "What's up?"

"I needed to talk to someone who would understand." She closed her eyes a moment, "I broke up with Clay right before they left for Mexico."

I froze, sitting my drink down and trying not to say anything. I didn't want her to feel like I was judging her, I wasn't. She started to walk away when I caught her arm.

"What happened?" 

"I can't do it anymore." She shook her head and I walked her outside, stepping away from the door to give us privacy.

"I'm sorry." I gave her a small hug as she tried not to cry.

"I can't take it... The constant worrying." She shook her head, "he was shot. It didn't break his skin or..." She sucked in air, "but it left a mark and he acts like it's nothing."

"It's nothing to him, if it bothered him he wouldn't be a seal." I watch her shake her head.

"No, no." She stepped away a moment before turning back, "When he leaves, I don't sleep at night. I'm afraid of every phone call. I'm afraid of every knock at the door."

"Stella, I understand. I'm in the same spot." 

"But you're staying."

"Because I've been at both ends of this. I'm worrying every second but leaving isn't helpful. I left for a few years and it was a mistake. I seen what they go through, I know how hard it is to change." 

"I'm doing the wrong thing." 

"I never said that." I stopped her, "If i didn't leave before, I wouldn't be here now. I'd be in a box in the ground."

"This isn't what I wanted." She leaned against the cool brick exterior.

"What did you want then?"

"To know I was doing the right thing." She sighed, "I love him. I really do... But I just resent the job and always being alone and worrying. After Alana and Adam... I can't."

"Whatever you choose is the right thing. We all have to do what is best for us." I walked over as she sniffled and looked away, "Stella, look at me."

She looked up, "Sax..."

"Stella, just think this through before you go through with it." I pulled her into a hug, "You told him already but that doesn't mean you have to disappear before he gets back. Think this through before you leave."

"Thank you." She slowly let go and walked away to her car. 

I walked in, heading back around the bar. I needed to clear my head, to clean out every problem and focus on the good. A little work and home to the kids...  _ **That's what i need.**_

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

After a long day, I was watching Lopez's kids playing soccer. Every other glance I swore I saw Shahpur.  _ **Already homesick... This isn't good.**_ It wasn't long before I was down there talking.

"See this right here? These boys, they play in a terrible land called Alabama. It's full of bugs, it's all swampy." I showed a photo of a few football players, "They like to run their mouths a lot, and they wear these big old red shirts. Now, the thing is, they ain't ever played against Vince Young. He's aaaa- he's like a Greek god, and instead of throwing lightning bolts, he throws a football."

As i was explaining, they looked a little lost, "You with me? Now, he's a real American hero."

"You know they can't understand you?" Lopez stood to the side.

"Yes, they can. It's all mental." I motion to his one son, "Give me the ball."

He tossed me the soccer ball, "Here you are. See? Huh? Now, look, this right here, this ain't no American football. But when in Mexico, carpe diem."

I started to kick the ball like i was shown as Lopez chuckled off to the side. His sons jumping up as i ran to the makeshift goal.

"Check this out. Goal! You like that? That was good, right?" I smiled as they got the ball and actually tried to block my next kick. 

I was letting them win,  _ **At least that's what i told myself.**_ I was able to pass the time without realizing it. It stopped my mind from thinking of the kids and Sax back home for a while. Made the distance seem less deafening.

* * *

_**Sax** _

* * *

It was getting late, rushing the kids to bed when the phone rang. A video call from Sonny, the kids rushing back in. I smiled as I answered the phone, seeing a tired Sonny Quinn laying in bed.

"Hi beautiful."

"Hi." I winked as Shahpur and Dorri peeked over each shoulder, "Hi!"

He lit up at their voices, so I gave them the phone to talk and went to check on Adam. He was sleeping and not a peep would wake him. Shutting the door and walking back out, I started on cleaning up the kitchen from the snack and little bit of homework as they talked to Sonny. He listened to everything. Dorri making friends, her schoolwork, and even about this dance coming up. Of course, Sonny had a few words of wisdom about that. Then Shahpur was off on his tale of the day and the soccer tryouts. He was trying to show him some of the moves he picked up and Dorri had to stop him. When the clock struck the hour mark, they both went back to bed and I got the phone back.

"Hey, handsome." I took a sip of a beer.

"I thought you weren't allowed to drink when breastfeeding?"

"Well, I'm not. The doctor said he needs formula because he won't latch." I shrugged, "he's doing better with it so far. Up almost a pound in about a week."

"That's good, he was looking pretty thin." He smiled, "Is he sleeping?"

"Yeah sorry, busy day. He was out like a light or I'd get him for you." I pulled up a few files on the phone and sent them to the video call sync, "It might not be the same but you can see some of what you missed."

"Yeah." He nodded, "Adam sleeping?"

"And Shahpur's tryouts. Adam playing and the video of him stealing your hat... I am hoping you can get some photos of Dorri dresses up after we get her dress." 

"It better cover. I want an old lady dress so no boy goes near her."

I laughed, "Sonny, not gonna happen. It'll be decent don't push."

"Fine." He rolled his eyes.

"We were going out tomorrow. Me, Dorri, and Emma." I smiled, "I got the card from Naima so Emma can get a dress. Easier then her finding the time or giving it to Emma alone."

"Jason know?"

"Not yet, thought he might be happy if he hears the girls are getting along and you share a photo or two with him."

"Have I told you I love you lately?" He smirked.

"No, you're slipping." I winked, "Enjoy the videos."

"Thank you."

"Love you to Sonny." I blew a kiss and the video dropped.

I stretched and went to bed, Tex taking up his side and giving me the feeling of not being alone. If I get a little sleep, I'll be happy.  _ **It feels like deployment... Hopefully, it won't be that long.**_


	42. Thinking too much

* * *

_**Saxon**_

* * *

I was taking the girls dress shopping today. With the guys still gone in Mexico, Emma needed a dress and Dorri needed one too... So I got Jason's card from Naima and invited the girls out for a day. I figured they could have a good day out and I was going to make sure they got it. 

We got up early, The kids dragging awake. Dorri was getting dressed, Shahpur was dressed and grabbing his bag so I could drop him at his friend's house. They would go to soccer practice and I would pick him up after. Everything was good as he got out and we got to go. 

"Ok, so we get Emma and then we find you guys some gorgeous dresses." I looked to Dorri in the passenger seat, "sound good."

"Yes."

She looked out the window at the passing houses along the way. It wasn't a long drive and before I could blink, Emma was waiting outside. I stopped and she hopped in the back, waving to her grandma as we drove off and she looked at us.

"Thanks for taking me sax."

"No problem, Dorri needs one too."

"So Dorri, do you have a date yet?" She leaned up to talk to her.

Dorri shook her head no and Emma frowned. I didn't know if i should be happy or sad, without sonny hear i don't know if I could scare the poor boy enough if she had a date.

"Do you?"

"Possibly." She smiled and glanced at me, "everything stays with us?"

"Maybe, " I smirked then nodded.

"I have a few offers. I haven't decided who yet." Emma sat back, "I really wish dad was here."

"Something no teenage girl says about her father before any dance." I chuckled, "but I get what you mean."

"Are they ok?" She was looking out the window as she asked.

I caught Dorri looking over from the corner of her eye. Both trying not to look obvious about their worry but both failing.

"Of course they are." I sighed, "It'll take an army to knock them down."

"Isn't that what they're up against?" Dorri looked over.

"No, just a cartel." I looked ahead, "girls, they'll be fine. They won't get hurt. If we constantly worry, we'll get nowhere."

"I missed his last call, i was to busy talking to a friend on the phone to answer his call." Emma looked down.

"Stop. Don't do that." I warned, "He'll call on his next time and you will forget about that."

"You sound like my mom." She whispered and i felt like dying. 

_**What do you say to that?** _

I took a deep breath, "because she was smart. She understood." 

I peeked in the rearview to see part of her smile before pulling into the dress shop. They got out and ran in, looking through every rack as I was stuck talking to one of the employees. She got us two rooms off to the side with a big 180 mirror and a small pedestal for them to stand on. They grabbed a few dresses and ran in the rooms, coming out and taking turns showing off before moving on. Gown after gown, puffy, smooth, right, loose... After half the store and me vetoing several questionable ones, we had a few picks.

Emma had there dresses picked out, a two-piece in red, a right fitted pink number, and a halter top with a smooth satin a line skirt. Crystal blue with beading on the top and a see-through back. I smiled at her as she stepped up on the block to look it over. Her hair pushed over her shoulder, she stood there a moment and tipped her head to the side. I seen it, that look i recognized from a million times before. I jumped up and walked over as the first tear fell.

"Emma." I pulled her to me, "you look like your mom, just as strong and beautiful too."

She walked to the room and locked the door. I sighed and at back down as Dorri walked over to me in the dress she liked the most. Navy blue low-high dress in silk. A strong straight line from shoulder to shoulder cover her completely but being sleeveless made her look elegant and young. It wasn't anything like i imagined a teen wearing but, it fit her perfectly. It somehow looked like her even if it was so simple, it had so much more to it. 

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah, she just misses her mom." I sniffled. 

"Maybe i can help." She walked by and knocked, gaining access she stepped in and they both shut the door. 

"And I'm still alone." I sighed and stood up looking over the dresses in the nearby hall as i waited. 

My fingers grazed the soft fabric of each dress, all light colors. They looked like wedding dresses more than prom or winter formal... They were incredible.  _ **Sometimes, maybe, Sonny and I could... Why? Why risk it? I don't need a piece of paper and a dress to say I love you till death.**_ I smiled as I glanced over them, hard to say i wasn't a little girl when I really wanted to try on the dress. 

* * *

_**Emma** _

* * *

I was sitting on the floor, wiping the tears from my eyes as Dorri sat across from me. She offered her hand and then slowly opened get mouth.

"I know how hard it is to lose a mother. I was little when i lost mine." 

"I'm sorry."

"No, you have the right to grieve." She smiled softly, "I couldn't tell you how many times I cried and my brother didn't even know why."

"How did you deal with it?"

She looked at me with a smile, nodding to her hand. I took it and she pulled me away from the wall. Making me sit straight and pay attention.

"How i AM dealing with it." She corrected me, "i think about my parents every day. I wonder if they're proud of me and all i did. I wonder if they think i took good care of my brother. If coming here was a mistake. I ask too many questions and then i just stop. Because i know they would be proud either way. They always will be."

"Wish i had your confidence." I sighed.

"Take a deep breath."

I blinked at her but did as she said.

"Let it out."

I blew out the and looked at her as she smiled.

"There, that's what i do. I tell myself my parents love me no matter what and i take a deep breath."

"Sounds simple." I slowly got up with her as she handed me a tissue, "thank you."

"We family now, aren't we?"

I smiled and hugged her a moment as she giggled, "yeah, we're family."

She slowly opened the door and seen Sax walking back to her chair. Her head whipped up and we smiled.

"You ok now?"

"Yeah." She opened her arms and we both hugged her a moment before she bought the dresses and we left for a late lunch. 

Talk was good and easy, no problems as we went through lunch. That's when i noticed she had the ring around her neck still. It took a moment but i swore i saw her looking at wedding dresses while we were skimming through. I couldn't help it, it just slipped out.

"Hey Sax, are you ever going to marry Sonny?"

She looked up from her glass and her lip quivered. I couldn't tell if she didn't know what to say or if she even knew the answer. I felt bad and started to backpedal when she stopped me.

"I don't know. I love him, I'll never leave him again... But it's complicated." She sighed and swished her drink in the plastic glass.

"Can i ask why you left the first time?" Dorri looked over, "he never said."

"We were engaged and i was pregnant. We hadn't confirmed it completely to pull me from work. The job was simple and i had decided i could do snipper work and not get near the fight... But we got blindsided by an attack on me and the few civilian trained soldiers with me. I was a prisoner of war and during said time, i miscarried the baby."

I seen both girls look down, "when they rescued me, i was on medical leave and given discharge papers. I and Sonny tried but, i only see what we lost at that time. I wasn't copping and i did what i thought was best."

"I'm sorry, i didn't know." She sniffled.

"Don't be, I'm still with him and we have you and you're brother and a baby now." She kissed Dorri's head, "it wasn't the right time before. That's all."

I smiled at them, "Is that why you still wear the ring?'

She looked down at the ring dangling on the chain. It wasn't big or sparkly, but it fit her well. She smiled and shrugged, clearly not knowing the answer.

"yeah, i guess." She paused a moment, "The ring always reminded me of Sonny and what i lost. Now that I'm back, it is my reminder that no matter what happens... I never want to leave."

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

After i got Emma home, Dorri went right to bed exhausted from the day and Shahpur was sleeping soundly just one room over. I pet Tex, getting him to lay on my lap as i waited for the call to connect. It took a minute, but Sonny answered and smiled at the two of us.

"Why hell-o beau-tiful..." He smirked as i chuckled, "It's good to see your face."

"I wish i could say the same."

He does his eyes, "you see how she treats me?"

"Dude, you won't find another." Clay walked by and waved a little.

"How's Mexico?"

"A lot like the base in J-bad." He sighed, "ugly walls and no freedom."

"You should be use to that by now sonny, how many times did i pick you up from jail for being drunk."

"Once when you weren't beside me in the cell." 

"Fair enough." I shook my head, "you know i miss you right?"

"I miss you more. How's Adam and the kids?"

"Shahpur is good. Adam was good for Naima all day... And well, Dorri has a dress for the winter formal." I looked at a few of the photos, "I think both girls loved it. I got photos for you and Jason."

"Now are we talking modest dresses? I mean Amish or what's the scarf wrapped one." He glanced over as clay laughed.

"That several different cultures sonny, including your adopted kids." 

"Yeah, yeah." He looked at me, "i mean covered head to toe."

"You sound like a dad sonny." I laughed as tex huffed, "they are modest but not religiously censored in public." 

"Nope, she needs to switch it out." 

"Look before you say that... And no, i overrule your decision." 

"Yeah, you lose Sonny." Ray patted his shoulder, "hey Sax."

"Hey, Ray." I waved, "Naima says hi."

"Just getting ready to call her." 

With Sonny the only one on the screen again i smiled, "Love you, but i need sleep."

"Love you too." He kissed his fingers and pressed them to the screen for me to press mine too.

I hung up and sighed, leaning back and getting comfortable as the night engulfed her. Sleeping peacefully.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I watch the screen drop and the photos popped up. Dorri and Emma in dresses smiling for the camera. I glanced around for Jace, walking over and sitting my laptop on his lap as he glanced up.

"Sax says you're welcome."

"She took Emma dress shopping?" He smiled.

"Yeah, she hopes you approve of the dress." 

"It's too short and not enough sleeve." Jace sighed, "think Davis can sneak us out some drones?"

"I planned on asking." I smirked as he handed it back to me.

 ** _I never understood any of this stuff. I became a dad like the fill of a switch, can't say i don't like it._** I laid back down and pulled the folded photo of sax and me out of my bag, smiling as i closer my eyes and held it close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late post, i had internet problems the past few days lol.


	43. Just a dream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny goes on op.  
> Op goes sideways.

* * *

_**Saxon (dreaming)** _

* * *

It was bright, a light pouring down on the stage. I sat out in the weeds of my bar watching as everyone cried. The light came down and there I was, I am watching myself on stage in tears as the music started _._

> _"It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen._  
>  _All dressed in white, going to the church that night._  
>  _She had his box of letters in the passenger seat._  
>  _Sixpence in her shoe._  
>  _Something borrowed, something blue_."

My heart raced at the sight. I was in his favorite black texas shirt, his ball cap turned backwards, eyes filled with tears. Everything felt low, all I heard was crying and my voice singing _._

> _"And when the church doors opened up wide._  
>  _She put her veil down trying to hide the tears._  
>  _Oh, she just couldn't believe it._  
>  _She heard the trumpets from the military band._  
>  _And the flowers fell out of her hands_.''

I barely could make out some of the audience. Naima, the kids, Stella, Emma, and Mikey... The teams family. On the stage behind me, I finally saw the picture of them in uniform, my heart stopping.

> _"Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go._  
>  _I was counting on forever, now I'll never know._  
>  _I can't even breathe._  
>  _It's like I'm looking from a distance,_  
>  _Standing in the background._  
>  _Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,_  
>  _This can't be happening to me._  
>  _This is just a dream."_

The lights had brightened but I was to focused on the photo behind me on stage. Everyone dressed dark, crying filling the bar. I heard the catch in my throat and how I almost burst into tears on stage.  _ **No...no, no... This isn't real. This isn't what it looks like. Not bravo. No...**_

> " _The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray,_  
>  _Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt._  
>  _Then the congregation all stood up_  
>  _And sang the saddest song that she ever heard._  
>  _Then they handed her a folded up flag,_
> 
> _And she held on to all she had left of him._  
>  _Oh, and what could've been._  
>  _And then guns rang one last shot,_  
>  _And it felt like a bullet in her heart."_

 My heart leapt into my throat, I stood on stage barely able to stand. My legs shaking and everyone just sat crying. No one ran to help me up there.

> _"Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go._  
>  _I was counting on forever, now I'll never know._  
>  _I can't even breathe._  
>  _It's like I'm looking from a distance,_  
>  _Standing in the background._  
>  _Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now._  
>  _This can't be happening to me._  
>  _This is just a dream."_

I was crying on my knees on stage, barely audible as the whole crowd watched.  ** _All of them? No... No way. They couldn't... Not my Sonny, not Ray... Oh God, I told Emma nothing could happen to her dad..._** My chest restricted and vision blurred so I couldn't see it anymore. I barely heard talking amount the crowd.

"What happened? How could the whole team go down?"

"OP went sideways. Never had a chance. _RPG_ to their cars."

"Where did it go wrong?"

"The vehicles they were tailing split ways. It was a _setup_. They were done for."

"They should've bailed. Should've ran to any of the buildings."

"They should've gone to  _Church_."

* * *

__**Saxon (awake)** _ _

* * *

I shot up in bed, clutching my chest and feeling my eyes bugging out. When my vision came back clear, I gave a small sigh of relief recognizing my room and the big wet tongue licking my face.

"Mommy's ok Tex, Mommy's ok."

He stopped and curled up against me with a huff. He tried to roll over and make me rub his belly. I smiled gently as I did, he looked so relax and happy.  _ **What was that? What did I just see?**_ I took a deep breath and slowly got up to go to the bathroom. Cold water on my face, standing looking at myself in the mirror and my only thought kept pulsing in my head. It screamed over everything.

**_If that's real, Why didn't you marry him? Why didn't you say yes?_ **

I pulled myself away, walking to get water. I glance in each room, all kids sleeping even Adam in his crib. Everything looked normal but that  _Damn Dream_ wouldn't leave my head. I felt a tear slip down my face, I couldn't find the strength to wipe it. All I wanted to do was talk to Sonny.

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I looked at my laptop, a message from sax to call her. We didn't have much to do, so I sent the video chat request.  _ **I could use a little face time with Sax.**_ The screen came up with her face on it, she had a small smile but not the usual one I got.

"Hi, beautiful. Wait, I've been practicing." I cleared my throat, "huelo mal."

She chuckled and shook her head, "Yeah Sonny, you usually do."

"What?"

"You just said 'I smell bad'." She smirked as I growled a little, "You meant 'hola hormosa'."

"I need to stop trusting him." I sighed.

"No, I love the miss used Spanish. Especially the 'may the force be with you' one."

"Anyway, what did you need to talk about?"

"Are you changing the subject?" She smiled.

"Yes, done. Changed." 

She rolled her eyes, "Ok. You remember how I use to have dreams that kinda came true?"

"Like the OP in South Korea? Yeah. It was creepy as hell." I stopped, "Why?"

"I had a dream last night, and well..." She looked away from camera, "... it wasn't good."

"It's been years since you had these dreams, maybe you're rusty." I shrugged and leaned back.

"That's not how this works... I highly doubt it anyway." She looked sad.

I seen the red around her eyes like she had been crying, the tinge of rawness on her nose from blowing too much. Her cheeks weren't bright and the color of her face was down a few shades.  _ **She was crying. Hard. What was this dream?**_

I cleared my throat, "You know, you should tell me what it was. Get it off your chest."

"You guys died."

I froze, her whisper barely coming through, "what?"

"I was at the bar hosting a wake for the team. The whole team. Crying, bawling my eyes out with everyone else. Before I woke up I heard a few voices talking and..." She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve.

"Just breathe, " I stopped her, "nice and easy."

"I heard two people talking about the OP. It's a little jumbled and not much detail but... There was something about you following two cars and a setup. RPG to the vehicles. You couldn't get into any buildings nearby and... One voice said you should've went to church."

"That's a lot jumbled." I sighed, "I'm sorry I'm not home right now. I know you're probably missing me and the kids..."

"Don't you dare Sonny. I am not having nightmares because you are in Mexico." She glared.

"I love you, but..."

"I love you too sonny. Don't die."

She hung up and I rubbed my face. I can't say she isn't acting up because we aren't used to this yet, especially the whole parents part, but she always did gave a gift for spotting danger. She bailed us out of death too many times to count with her silly dreams.  _ **Maybe i should say something... No, it's nothing. It has to be.**_ I got up and started moving around, hoping she was wrong and we didn't get a mission today.

* * *

I sat in the back of a Scooby van. Clay beside me and brock at the wheel, we were waiting on Jace and Mandy's word. I wanted anything to happen right now, just sitting here and listening to the crappy music was killing me. Just as i was about to die, ray came on the coms and said they were following. We took off following them as I gave the warning hoping it would stop this. Suddenly Sax's worries were feeling real and the danger almost definite.

"Bravo 3 to Bravo 1. We're passing outside our 20 minute perimeter of our QRF. Is there any reason we don't wave this off?"

"Bravo 3, this is 1. Got you loud and clear. Charlie Mike."

"Continue mission? We're sitting cucarachas." I sighed as the adrenaline started to kick in.  _ **Don't be right. Don't be right.**_

"Bravo 3, this is 1. They split right, down two side streets."

Before we could go much further, trucks blocked our way.  _ **Damn it... Why does Sax always have to be right on these things.**_

"Havoc to all Bravo stations, we have vehicles rapidly approaching our position."

The last truck pulled to black us in and my heart pounded through my ears.

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. We have troops in contact."

"Copy, Bravo 6. Bravo 1, QRF is inbound."

We braced ourselves as we seen their car ram to get through, failing. I and clay slowly turned around to look out the back and then chaos.

"RPG!"


	44. Taking a stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax takes a stand at the first soccer game of the season.

* * *

**_Sonny_**

* * *

 "RPG!"

Me, Clay, and Brock bailed from the van. All I heard was gunfire smelled smoke. I was overheating as I barely pushed myself off the ground when a hand tucked me up and started to move me back. Jason was pulling me back under the cover fire as we all pushed for cover. I leaned against my arm bleeding on the van as the gunfire picked up.

 "Havoc, this is 3. Where the hell is our QRF?" I yelled to be heard over the coms.

"That's good copy, Bravo 3. QRF is getting spun up now." Eric responded.

We returned fire as Clay seen movement to our side, "Ray! Lazo, Lazo!"

"Wait, wait, we need him alive."

"Go! Go! Come on, let's go, let's go!"

The car horn is blaring from the driver dead against it.

"Pull him out."

I could barely hear what was being said, not even who said it. Gunfire everywhere, horn still blaring... Chaos. We held our ground as they retrieved the target from the car.

"Break contact east." Jason yelled, "Go, go!"

We moved back towards the cross street for better coverage as Trent and Brock tried to grab some of the bags and med supplies. The fire picked up and we pushed back into a small storefront under Jason's orders.

"Last man!" Trent called as I made a turn to get in the building taking a shot in the arm in the process. Everyone inside and the target in the back, we waited.

"Havoc, this is Bravo 6. We're still taking heavy contact."

"Bravo 6. QRF is 30 mikes out."

"Hey, everybody good?" Jason called.

"What?"

"Yeah, I've got all my parts." Clay called back.

"I don't know!"

"We got to go!"

"Any way but that way." I motioned to the door I was trying to cover.

"Follow me." Jason lead us through the building and out the back.

We made quick work of the alley and started down the street to find better cover. Dragging the target along as he grunted in pain. Blood pouring out as they carried him. 

"Here. Hold up here." Jason ordered as we ducked into a small building entry and waved Trent in.

"Trent, he's bleeding out."

"I got him."

"Havoc, this is 1. Notify QRF we're five blocks east from our position."

"J, the church." Ray nodded and I glanced over.

_**Son of a bitch, please don't let Sax be right. Please...** _

"Ready." Jason took a point and we slowly made our way across to a sturdier cover.

We did a full check of the church as Trent started to help the target. Jason told Ray to get the location to Havoc as we cleared the rest of the upper floor, just me and the kid.

* * *

  _ **Saxon**_

* * *

It was almost time, I rushed to get a decent spot to set up our chairs before the game started. Dorri pushed Adam over with his bag as I got the chairs and brought a small cooler. Emma and Mikey wanted to come along and give their grandma a break so I packed a few extra chairs. They came up with Dorri and got comfortable as we see the teams take the field.

"Thanks for letting us come." Mikey smiled and got a drink from the cooler.

"No problem. Shahpur could use a good cheering section." I pulled a bottle for Adam to start warming up a little.

"How is he doing with soccer?"

"Top three pick for varsity." Dorri had a huge grin, "As I knew he would."

"Cool." Mikey nodded as they placed the ball and started the game.

The first bit was easy, the two teams battled back and forth with no points till Shahpur stole the ball and went right for the goal. First points on the board and disappointed groans from the opposing team. All five us were cheering and shouting over his teammate's parents. He smiled as he ran by to repeat his actions, stealing the ball and kicking a goal from the center field. I pulled my phone and record some of the game, knowing Sonny would love to see it. 

"Go Shahpur!" 

"Keep going!"

"You got this Bro!"

I smiled as they cheered him on. Screaming and shouting for everything he did during the game. 

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

"Bravo Team, QRF is coming in five." Davis called on the coms as we all stood in our spots.

There was yelling from the outside and in seconds, gunfire and bullets ricocheting. Glass shattered all around and nothing but gunfire rang out. 

"Incoming!" 

It was yelled over coms as seconds later an RPG hit the side of the building. It was impossible to hear anything else but the sounds of war. Glass falling to the ground, bullets everywhere bouncing off everything. I stood covering Clay, only given a few seconds before we both ducked down to reload by the pews. Ammo getting lower by the second around us with cartel everywhere around us. 

"Last box!" I called as I reloaded and braced myself to fire again. 

_**I can't die now. Not now. Sax can't be right this time. We can hold them off.** _

I swung around the edge of the pew and fired. Pushing all thoughts from my mind except my training. It was the only chance.

"All stations, this is Bravo 2. Be advised, I did a battlefield interrogation and have been told to check out the warehouse at the end of the Candela Line."

Men broke in from the back and was coming in. We spent more bullets than we could count. Scattered around for any form of cover and trying to save our asses and our brothers. 

"Havoc, this is 1. We're gonna get shot out of here." Jason called over the coms again.

"Stand by, Bravo 1."

The gunfire moved away from us, not penetrating the building but flying outside. We all bunkered down and waited with bated breath. All gunfire stopped and we crouched ready in our many different spots ready to continue the fight.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc Actual. You want to let me in?"

"Password." Jason glanced at the door.

"Rosebud's the password." 

Ray and I moved the pews from in front of the door and stood catching our breath as Eric walked in with our back up. His first held out to me and I pressed mine to his as he walked by.  _ **Couldn't of cut it closer? I swore I seen Sax in the light calling to me.**_

"Lazo?" Eric asked as he got to Jason up ahead.

"He's dead."  Jason looked over as Lopez walked to Martinez, "He sacrificed his life for his country. He was a hero. Hey. We're at Doza's doorstep now. Only thing left, we put a bullet in his head."

"Let's load up and move out." Eric nodded as we all pulled ourself together and limped out to our transport. 

We were on our way back as I sighed stretched just a little with a laugh escaping. No wonder everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

"What?" Clay looked over.

"Nothin." I shook my head, "Sax was wrong for once."

"Don't let her get that." 

"What was it?" Ray glanced over from beside Trent bandaged together.

"She didn't say all but, Op went sideways and we got stuck in a church during a last shot scenario." I glanced over, "came with a different ending."

"Two out of three, she still has it." Trent closed his eyes.

"What?" The kid looks at me still confused.

"Sax has dreams and, well, sometimes they are damn near true." I leaned forward towards him, "Trust me, if she says it was in a dream and she seems odd, don't ignore it."

"Youre joking right?"

"Went on an Op that had a mole feeding off our location. She had a dream of who it was and of the spot our target moved to. Right on both." Ray nodded.

"She predicted Adam going to green team and Ray having kids too. Even guessed gender right." I added, "I swear she's psychic or something."

"Or something." Clay whispered, "Remind me to tell her to have happier dreams."

We all laughed through the tugs of pain as the adrenaline wore off.

* * *

_**Dorri** _

* * *

Shahpur was coming up on the last few minutes of the game. They were even but he had a chance to score and took it. Then he rebounded the toss from the goalie and scored the second goal. 

"That's my brother!"

"Come on shahpur!"

"You got this!"

Sax stood up and cheered with us as she held Adam trying to burp him. With the last minute trickling by they held their lead till the bitter end. The team cheering and shouting as the parents clapped. The other team was bitter, or at least the parents were. 

"Why don't you guys pack up the chairs in the truck." She handed me the keys, "I'll wait for shahpur here."

"Want me to get Adam in his seat?" I smiled at how he was sleeping by her chest.

"Thanks. We'll stop for dinner somewhere to celebrate the win."

I took Adam and carried him over and tucked him in the car seat. Mikey and Emma got the chairs in the back and got in the back seat with Adam. I was going to let shahpur ride up front and sit by Emma, a little bit of a tight squeeze. As we waited a moment, I decided to run back and check on her.

"I'll go check on them."

I ran back to Sax as Shahpur had just ran to her. She lifted him up on her shoulders and I high five him.

"Way to go bro."

"Did you see that last goal?"

"Of course." Sax sat him down slowly, "You are going to be great than Beckham."

"Beckham?" He frowned.

"You don't know Beckham?" She sighed, "I have to show you this guy. He is one of the greatest."

He lit up but stopped as a few words from nearby soured the mood. She looked at them, clearly angry as she motioned us to go to the truck.

"Hey guys, I'll be right over." She kissed his head, "Dinner, wherever you want. Think about it."

Shahpur started running that way as I walked slowly behind. I couldn't, I just stopped and looked back as Saxon as she walked over to grown man and his son.

"I'm sorry what did you just say?"

"You're team has a ringer. An Arab boy." He shrugged, "It wasn't fair."

"Arab?" She shook her head, "His name is Shahpur. He is my son."

"Your son? I thought this was a military base school." He shook his head, "Your husband jump sides?"

"My boyfriend is from Texas and we met while we were both in green team before becoming SEALs." She put a finger to his chest, "If you have a bit of respect in you, you would take back those words and set a good example for your son."

"So you adopted the sand monkey." He scuffed.

I was frozen, watching this man spew hatred like the terrorist before. Before anything else could be said, Sax punched him in the face and he fell to the ground holding his nose. The parents on our team moving the kids along, the few that were still there. The other team watching her sigh and look down at him.

"His name is Shahpur. He is my son, adopted or not, and I will not let you degrade him in anyway. So don't you ever call him that again." She warned before offering a hand to help him up.

He hesitated but took it as his other hand held his nose, "sorry... Thank you for your service."

She walked my way, stopping when she saw me there. She took a deep breath and walked over to walk with me to the truck.

"How much did you see?"

"All of it."

"I'm sorry..."

I cut her off, "Don't be. We never had anyone stick up for us like that."

She gave a half smile, "You deserve it. No one deserves those names."

I stopped and when she turned to look at me, I threw my arms around her and hugged her just a few feet from the truck.

"You're the best mom." 

"Thanks Dorri, youre one hell of a daughter." 

I pulled back and got in the truck. She smiled and got in as Shahpur started going off about where he wanted to go. Apparently, him and Mikey picked out the place. 


	45. Turn around

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

Being able to finally go home was odd, staying away from his family so long. I was excited to go home and have people there. Sax kissing my cheek, Dorri and Shahpur hugging me... Holding my son. I wanted what it looked like when Ray or Jason came home. I wanted that feel. Everyone was going their separate ways and I glance at my phone as a text came in finally from Sax.

> _**S:** Sorry i missed your text. Just got to work. Adam is sleeping in the office out cold and the kids were with friends for a while. Why?_
> 
> **_Sonny:_ ** _Just checking in. Missing everyone._
> 
> **_S:_ ** _We miss you too. Hurry home when you can._

I sighed and thought about telling her i was but, it wasn't what i wanted. I wanted them all there at once not all in different places. I wanted to surprise them just by walking in... I didn't want to tell her and make them all come back home. It wasn't right.  _ **Maybe the kid needs a night out.**_

I pulled two beers from the cooler and walked to Clay, "Nice cold beer for you, buddy."

"Thanks, bud." He took It and opened it.

"Yep." I propped a leg up on the seats by him and took a shot, "So, I'll bet, uh, returning home without Stella there doesn't make you quite as eager for shore duty, huh?"

"Yeah, after sharing a hooch with you and your little night terrors, I'm actually looking forward to getting a place of my own."

"Right. Yeah." I laughed and shook my head before straightening up, "I'd rather be surrounded by a dozen Jihad Jerrys when I'm Winchester than heading home to an empty apartment... "And that is why we're going from base to the bar, painting the town red. Body glitter, honeys, whiskey and wine, that's the good life right there."

"I appreciate you looking out for me, brother, I do." He sighed.

"Yeah."

"I'm all good." He shook his head.

"All right." I brought my leg down and started to walk away, "Whatever you say there, Blondzilla."

I make it back by the cooler when Davis stopped me, "You are a good friend, Sonny."

"Easy there, Davis. Don't you get all feely on me." I warned her as i walked back to find a more private seat on the plane.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I smiled as the band wrapped up a song and there was still no crying. Adam was going in and out of sleep, earning laughs from the patrons of the bar. 

"Ok sleepy head, you want a nap?"

He fussed but went down in the little makeshift crib sleeping peacefully. I laughed and shut the door, his eyes closed as tightly as possible.  _ **He needs some sleep.**_ I took my spot at the bar, slinging drinks for the open spot needing help.

"What would you like?"

"To see that boy of yours again. He is a good looking one." 

"Adam?" I smiled, "He needed a nap."

"No, I meant your other boy." He chuckled, "The drunk one."

"He's spun up." I waved him off, "the baby is cuter." 

He chuckled and took the beer I sat down for him, "on the tab."

I moved on down to the next person and the next. Cleaning up as I went and getting refills all the way around. I worked the floor smiling and talking to everyone before moving on. It distracted me well, not thinking about Sonny off in Mexico in danger. Especially after the report yesterday, seals working to kill a Mexican citizen and demanding the government remove them. It helped me to think he's ok, because he'll always be ok.

"Saxon!" Kyle waved her over to the stage, "Everybody, I think we need a song. Give our girl a big round of a hand."

I stepped up by Kyle and gave him a hug before taking the mic and looking out at the crowd. Every time on the stage, I swear there are more people. I glance back to the band and nodded, letting them chose the song before I go back to my baby in the office. It started out soft and easy, a smile on my face as I realized it was one I sing to Adam to get him down to bed. After a second it picked up and I sang into the mic.

> _"Family reunion, fourth of July._  
>  _It's been three years since I've seen it,_  
>  _Now I remember why._  
>  _Aunt Charlotte's at the door,_  
>  _Big smile on her face._  
>  _the first thing she says to me,_  
>  _"Looks like you've gained some weight"._  
>  _You only get that kind of honesty from family_."

 I smiled as everyone was glued to the stage.

> _"Uncle Joe's getting plastered._  
>  _Aunt Marthe's getting mad._  
>  _Same old cousin Doug._  
>  _Same old jokes, same old bad._  
>  _Mama has to keep reminding me..._  
>  _Girl, they're family."_

I waved my finger around, getting everyone to sing the next part with me.

> _"A few new babies, the same old crazies._  
>  _I've known 'em my whole life and they still amaze me._  
>  _I didn't choose 'em, but I'd hate to lose 'em._  
>  _'Cause you gotta love 'em, they're family."_

The crowd cheered as I pulled back from the mic to laugh and shake my head.  _ **God knows I have Sonny, that covers all the crazy.**_ I smiled, and leaned in to hold the old fashion mic in my cupped hand.

> " _Cousin Linda showed up, with her new sweetheart._  
>  _I had to laugh when daddy whispered,_  
>  _'Fifth time might be the charm'._  
>  _And there's a brother Lester__  
>  _Lives in the city just flew in,_  
>  _All the way from way out yonder._  
>  _We're still not sure about him._
> 
> _But different as we are it's good to be, a family._  
>  _A few new babies, the same old crazies."_

I wiggled my finger around the side of my head as everyone laughed.

> _"I've known 'em my whole life and they still amaze me._  
>  _I didn't choose 'em, wouldn't wanna lose 'em,_  
>  _But you gotta love 'em, man they're family."_

I pulled the mic stand up and walked the stage holding it, spinning it softly around in my hand as the crowd cheered.

> _"When mama said the blessings she was fightin' back the tears._  
>  _'Cause the last time we were all together,_  
>  _Grandpa was here and she knew how proud he'd be..._  
>  _And how much he'd love to see..._
> 
> _A few new babies, the same old crazies._  
>  _I've known 'em my whole life and they still amaze me._  
>  _Don't get to choose 'em, but you hate to lose 'em,_  
>  _You gotta love 'em 'cause they're family._  
>  _Family reunion, fourth of July._  
>  _It's been three years since I've seen it now I remember why."_

I stepped down from the stage after sitting the mic down. Everyone cheered as the band kept it going and getting everyone in on a few more lines of the song. I peeked in on Adam and sighed.  _ **I wish Sonny was home... I need him.**_

* * *

******_Sonny_ ** ** **

* * *

 I went to an old favorite, a bar not far from base. I just needed to have a drink or two and hopefully everyone would be home or i would just go find Sax. _**That's the whole plan? Get drunk and then go find her. I guess you haven't changed much after all.**_ I had one glass in front of me, drinking alone.

"Where's Clay?"

I glance over to see Davis, dressed like herself for once, "Whoa."

"Thought you guys were gonna paint the town." She stopped beside me.

"Uh, yeah, my little buddy bailed. Said something about sleep." I sat my glass down after a small sip.

"Aw. Well, that means staring at the ceiling, thinking about Stella."

"Yeah, I feel for him."

"How's he doing?"

"Uh, como ceviche, uh," I leaned back in my seat, "lower than a gopher hole"?"

"There." I used my foot to push out a chair, "Pull up a chair there, Norm. Don't make me drink alone."

She rolled her eyes and put her bag to the side.

"Hey, Tommy, can I get two shots of whiskey? The cheap kind." I looked to her, "I didn't bring any cash. You got cash?"

"Mm-hmm." She nodded and immediately shook her head.

"The expensive kind." I rephrased.

He started chatting and drinking, maybe the time could go quicker and when i get home i can have my moment. I really needed to see them missing me, that when I'm gone they're actually thinking of me. Do i passed the time with stories.

"Oh, and there I was, butt naked, no passport, in Kuwait with my buddy JT." I laughed with her, "Oh, man."

"Oh It's getting to be that hour." She shook her head as i poured the next shot, "Call me crazy, but the last time we were here, didn't we, uh..."

"What?" I glanced over.

"I mean, not that we would ever..." She looked down then back up, "That was a moment. That was a fleeting moment."

"Fleeting?" I raised a brow, thinking of what she meant. 

"Fleeting." She laughed, "Right."

I was drawing a blank still as I glanced over with a smirk to hide it, "Yeah."

"Yeah." She nodded back.

_**How long ago did we drink here? How drunk was i? Pretty wasted if i don't remember any of it.**_ I took a sip and glanced over after fixing my ball cap, catching her eye. She leaned right in while i was lost in my own head, not even paying attention until her lips hit mine. I pulled back and looked to my glass, pushing it away and getting up.

"I need to go." I walked out clearing my throat, "sorry."

I barely got to the door and stopped, I didn't drive. I needed a cab, I needed to get the alcohol off my breath... I needed to be with my family.  _ **Shit... I have to tell Sax.**_ I dropped my phone and quickly grabbed it up from the stone at my feet.  _ **What did you just do?**_ ****

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I was wrapping up my cover shift, just walked a few whiskeys to the regulars up by the stage. I pocketed the tip for the 'baby college fund' they started calling it when i looked up to see Sonny walk in. I tucked the tray under my arm and smiled as he seen me. I walked over and threw my arms around him, kissing him as a few whistles were let out.  _ **He taste like whiskey... How long has he been back?**_

"You had me worried sick this time." I whispered.

"Me too." He cleared his throat and i noticed his grip wasn't right around me, "How much longer do you have?"

"I can leave any time." I laughed, "owner remember?"

He nodded, "yeah, the kids?"

"Adams sleeping in the office, kids should get home in an hour or so." I shrugged, "why?"

"I have to tell you something." He put his hands in the pocket like he got caught in the cookie jar, "when you're done."

"Let me cash out and get Adam. We can head home."

I ran back to do so and walked out to see him leaning on my truck.  _ **You drove him to the base... How the hell did he get here? Why does he taste like whiskey and smell of alcohol?**_ I got Adam buckled in his car seat and turned to Sonny as i shut the door.

"Ok, what's up?"

"I'm sorry..."


	46. Sorry... Mostly

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I stood with Sax by the truck. My head in a million different places, each their own miserable place. The minute she shut the door with Adam cozy inside, i felt my gut twist.

"What's up?" She looked me over.

"I'm sorry..." I stopped and closed my eyes, "it meant nothing."

"It meant nothing?" She frowned and shook her head, "I'm sorry. I don't understand."

"I kissed Davis." I lost all my air struggling to find words, "I... She... It... Not..."

"Sonny." She put her arms across her waist, holding herself... Comforting herself, "Can we just go home?" 

"Yeah, of course." 

She got in and buckled up, sitting and staring out the window as we drove in silence. My chest pounding, the silence killing me. I don't know if her silence was worse then her fury i would surely see soon enough. I pulled in to the garage and turned the car off, watching as she got out and took Adam in the house. I took a moment, letting her get Adam settled in before i went in.

"Sax." 

She looked at me as she shut the door to Adam's room, "yeah Sonny."

"It meant nothing to me. I'm sorry."

"Yeah i heard that before." She walked past me to the kitchen, "You said it clearly in the parking lot at the bar."

"Why aren't you talking to me then? Tell me you are disappointed. Say you're angry. Hit me." I turned to her as she grabbed a basket of clean clothes from the little laundry closet and tried to walk back by.

I snapped, pushing my arm out to blocks her, to make her talk to me. She stopped and looked down at the basket, her huff was far worse than I've heard in a long time. Her head whipped up to make eye contact.

"What do you want me to say?"

"How you feel." I pulled my arm back and started towards our room, "When i said i wanted a relationship with you, i meant it. I wanted you. I didn't just want the old you, i wanted all of you."

"You kisses her. You did." She turned to me with that burning glare i remembered, "YOU kissed her."

"Yes." I sighed.

"You initiated it. Your lips went to hers."

I stopped, "No. She kissed me, i just didn't pull away immediately." 

She looked at me and raised her brow, "She kissed you?"

"We were having a beer because i wanted to wait to get home till you were all here and she leaned in to kiss me."

"Oh." She paused and dropped her defensive stance, carrying the basket back and shrugging it off now.

_**What the hell s going on? What am i missing?  Why isn't she screaming and hitting me and threatening to attack her?** _

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I put the basket on the bed, trying to find a way to play this off. He seen the change, the sudden loss of anger. I turned to him as he followed me into the room.

"Nothing? You have no problem now?!"

"Sonny, breathe. Quiet down, Adam is sleeping..."

"What's going on?!"

"I set it up!" I stopped and closes my eyes, "I set it up. Ok... Just stop yelling."

"What the hell are you taking about?" He straightened up.

"I was worries after i had Adam. There was a lot of loss and changes and you seemed odd." I closed my eyes, "Then this mini deployment came along and not only was it Mexico and we know your history with Mexico, but i didn't know when you would be coming back..."

"You don't trust me."

"No i just... Three kids is a lot and i was stressing and... Well..." 

"You hired Davis to kiss me."

"I asked her to watch you in Mexico and see what was bugging you since you wouldn't tell me. After hearing you slipped out with clay and i knew clay and stella were done... You have a problem with strippers..."

"You thought i would cheat." He turned away and started out to the living room.

"Sonny!"

He put his arm out and stopped me from following him further, "I need space. Lots of it right now."

"Sonny..."

He grabbed a jacket and started his bike. I stood in the garage watching him leave as i bit my lip.  ** _You're a dumbass... Why did you do this? Why?_** I shut the door and fell back on the couch holding back the tears.  _ **Why?**_


	47. Fighting

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I held my sides wrapping my arms right around me. Everything pounding as I tried to figure this out.  _ **Why did you do this? Why couldn't you trust him?**_ I took a deep breath and checked on little Adam sleeping in his crib.

"I fucked up."

The words just came out as I closed his door to a crack. They weren't wrong, in fact they rang with truth.  ** _I fucked up. I ruined it... I didn't trust him._** I walked to the bedroom and fell face first on the bed.  _ **I did it. I did all of it.**_ The darkness embraced me, making me feel more and more alone. Since me and Sonny got back together and took on this responsibility, I was the one making trouble. I felt wrong in this situation.  _ **I barely feel alive.**_ The words echoes around my head silencing all the berating words I threw at myself.  ** _I barely feel alive._**

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I stopped down by the old trail the team found to get to the shore. It was our hideaway for many years of green team, though none of us has been here since. I just wanted to sit down on the shore and figure out where I could go tonight. I didn't want to tell anyone but I couldn't stand to see Sax again.

"Not a good sign, you here alone." 

I looked behind me and sighed, "Shouldn't you be home with your wife and kids?"

"I could ask you the same." Ray sat down beside, "What happened?"

"Sax didn't say when she called?" I mumbled.

"She said you left angry. I might want to find you and drag you to my couch for the night." He looked out over the ocean, "I know it's bad when she doesn't want you home."

"Women... I wish I didn't love her." I held my face. 

"What did you do?" He asked again.

"Fell for it."

"Ok, I'm more confused." He looked over, "you need to talk?"

"Sax doesn't trust me. After everything that happened before and everything now... She doesn't trust me." I closed my eyes, "She asked Davis to watch me in Mexico and set me up. See if I would cheat like before."

"Did you?"

"No." I looked over, "I didn't Ray."

"Ok Sonny." He raise his hands, "Why don't we go back to my place and Naima makes up a little something for you to eat."

"I'm fine here."

"You smell like booze. It's getting late. Don't make me call for back up." He stood and offered a hand, "come on brother."

I got up and followed him back up to the road. I swung my leg over my bike as he got in his car, driving just ahead of me but definitely watching me still. I knew it wouldn't end well from here. I needed time and space, she was giving me it... She was slipping away and I didn't mind it. 

When we pulled in, Ray lead me in and Naima sighed, "hungry?"

"Drunk." I nodded.

Ray pushed me back on the couch, "I'll just go help her till you decide to tell me the rest."

I leaned back and closed my eyes,  _ **He won't let this go until I tell him... Probably not after either.**_

* * *

**_Ray_ **

* * *

I walked into the kitchen as Naima was cooking. She looked over, brow raised and that face she has when she knows something is wrong and being hidden.

"What happened?"

"He's not talking yet."

"Sax sounded worried, it has to be her fault this time." She stopped and leaned into me for a hug, "Tell me it'll work out eventually."

"Maybe. Maybe this time will end like the last."

"Maybe someone should talk to sax." She looked over, "Can you watch the kids and Sonny? I'll be quick."

"Yeah." I gave her a kiss and made up Sonny's plate, "Be safe."

She grabbed her coat and left, I brought the food to sonny as he sighed watched her leave, "I just make all women leave, don't I?"

"She's checking on Sax and the kids."

"You want the story that bad?" He took a bite.

"We want to know you two are ok. That the kids are." I stood up to go clean the kitchen, "And if I need to call anyone before it gets to late."

"Davis kissed me and I didn't pull away right away." He closed his eyes, "I immediately told Sax and she didn't seem phased when I said she kissed me but was furious when I said I kissed her. She told me she set it up to see if I would cheat."

I stopped.  _ **She has a real concern, he did cheat on her the first... Even after they were engaged.**_ Looking at him eating and sighed.

"Drinking come before or after that talk?"

"Before. I had a few before Davis stopped in at the bar to have a drink with me."

"I'll get some blankets, I doubt you'd be going home tonight." I walked to a small closet and prayed Naima could figure this out with Sax.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I was sitting on the kitchen counter, sipping a beer knowing I shouldn't be. All the lights off as it started to get dark, Adam sleeping soundly in the silence aside from my humming.

 **_She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette_ **  
**_She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget_ **  
**_We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time_ **  
**_But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind_ **  
**_Until the night_ **

A knock drew my attention, my eyes looking at the door. I walked over, sitting the bottle down on the counter first.  _ **Who would that be?**_ I opened the door and sighed, Naima was standing there.

"Are you gonna invite me in?"

"Only if you promise to tell me I was wrong." I stretched an arm out, "I know I am."

"If I knew what happened." She stepped in and put her coat to the side, "Ray found Sonny, he's eating to soak up the alcohol."

"Thank God." I held my head, "I really fucked up this time."

"Then tell me." She walked over and dumped the beer, "You know I'll listen."

"I miss Alana, she would've stopped me." I looked up, "I set Sonny up to cheat to see if he would."

"Not the best idea." She turned to me, "So did he?"

"Not really. He kissed her but technically she initiated and he pulled away. He told me right after and I didn't react after he explained but I bit his head off when he said he kisses her." I felt my leg shaking, bouncing rapidly full of nervous energy.

"You told him what you did?"

"No, he left on his own angry for no reason." I rolled my eyes with my sarcastic tone.

She gave me that mother look and I nodded with even more regret.  ** _You are a horrible person._** I looked down and sighed.

"Sorry."

"It's fine, I'm not trying to change who you are." She sat down beside me, "I'm just here to help."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." 

She gave me a small hug then made me get up, "Stop mooping around. Call Sonny and fix this or give it a night. Wait till the kids are gone for school and they never have to know. He can still surprise them."

"Yeah, thanks." I sniffled and wiped my nose, "Mind staying just a little longer. Incase they get back while I am cleaning up with a hot shower to hide my tears."

"Of course." She watched as I walked back. 

_**I was wrong. I should've trusted him... I don't deserve this family.** _


	48. I mean it

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

One night without Sonny isn't hard... But when it's because of me starting a fight, it was deadly. Adam slept through the night. Shahpur was happy as can be. Dorri was telling me all about her night. It would've been great but, I was focusing on making sure they didn't know Sonny was back. I wanted him to still surprise them.

They slept easy, I sat up trying to distract myself. Reading, tv, anything I can to distract and wear myself out. I started cleaning quietly still not getting tired enough. All I know is at some point I sat down and managed a nap, a short one thanks to the kids. 

"Sax?" Shahpur leaned over the back of the couch, "Morning."

"Morning." I grumbled and pulled him over the back as he laughed.

"Morning Sax." Dorri walked over a plate of food and a glass of milk.

"Is this for me?" I blinked and sat up letting Shahpur go.

"We seen you asleep on the couch and thought we would be nice." She shrugged, "Besides, we wanted to check in on Sonny."

"Sonny didn't pick up last night. Hopefully later today we can get ahold of him." I kissed their heads, "Thank you for this breakfast."

"Your welcome." They got their plates, "My pancakes look better this time."

"Yeah, less black char and more cooked through." I gave her a hug, "you'll get it."

I felt guilty, sitting enjoying this moment when Sonny should be here. He would've been here if I could've stopped my stupid from coming out. All I wanted to do was call him and beg him to come back, to say I take everything back. Luckily they went to school and I was left alone with Adam, and a good time to call.

"Hey."

"Hey, Sonny... I'm sorry. Can you please come home so we can talk?"

Silence.  _ **Come on, I'm not even this bad when you screw up. Even when you cheated I wasn't this bad.**_ I was about to hang up, sure that he had and I missed it when it came out.

"Twenty minutes. We can talk but mainly I want to see Adam. I didn't get to see anyone after last night." 

"Deal... Thank you."

"Just save it."

The line went dead and I tossed it to the side.  _ **At least he is willing to come over. I was fucking stupid, plain and simple.**_ I got Adam as he cried wanting to eat, getting him in the bouncer as I set up to pump a few bottles hopefully. Of course, that's when Sonny showed up... But it killed me when he didn't crack a joke.

"Howdy." He nodded, walking over to pick up Adam.

"Hi, Sonny." I hit my lip as he bounced Adam, earning a laugh from the boy.

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I focused on Adam, not willing to talk with him in the room. Not wanting to talk about it at all. She just watched as she had that torture machine attached to milk her. I walked him back to his room when I seen the empty bottle, luckily it took a few minutes for him to fall asleep. A few minutes for me to think.  _ **You love her. You do. She's just worried about you cheating. You done it before, but not yet this time. That's all it was...**_ I left my mind a moment as Adam yawned and tucked in against me as he dozed off. Putting him down, I watched him a moment.  _ **She did it because you've done it before... Because you have this guy now. You have two kids besides the baby.**_

I walked out and stopped at the edge of the couch, seeing you putting everything up, "No torture device while we talk?"

"It's not a torture device, you just shouldn't be milking yourself." She sighed, "Can we talk now?"

"I'm not stopping you." I stood there with my arms crossed.

"I made a mistake. I wish I could take it all back, stop my stupid from coming out and ruin everything." She couldn't look at me.

"That's the best you got?" I shook my head, "I was on my hands and knees groveling like a kid wanting a puppy when I cheated."

"I made a big mistake, ok? I know that. I'm just... I worried about this all falling apart because I know how everything went the first time." She looked up in tears, "You can't punish me any more than I'm punishing myself right now. I hate myself for doing this. For letting you walk out and not stopping you."

"You always take things hard," I mumbled as she looked away.

"Because I'm a perfectionist. I'm insecure after all the cheating before and we have a family now. I had to know if you were here for it all or a good time."

"I've changed diapers if that's not commitment..."

"To Adam, yes." She stood up, "To Dorri and Shahpur, you are committed. To the team. To the job... I just wasn't sure about me."

"I asked you to marry me Sax." I stared her down, "I wanted to see that ring on your finger again. I wanted to say I do and call you my wife." 

"You only asked because I was pregnant. Because we just adopted and at the time Ray was gone. You wanted to keep me from leaving even though I wasn't... It was right before we lost Alana and Adam."

"I asked because I meant it." I turned to go to the kitchen for a drink, "I love you Sax. I do. I wouldn't ask that of you again unless I wanted it."

"It's not like the first time."

"No, it wasn't. The first time we were rushing and younger. We didn't know what we were doing." I turned around, "This time we knew better. We knew what could happen, wasn't afraid to risk it. I asked because you are the love of my life and I can't stop thinking about you. You're the one I took home to my mom and sisters, the one that still talked with them after we separated and didn't talk for years. I asked because I never stopped loving you."

She stopped, eyes watering as I waited for anything. Anything at all. I wanted her to speak, to say anything good or bad... I wanted her to be ok.

"Just because things aren't good now, doesn't mean they will be that way forever," I whispered as she sighed and jumped into my arms.

"Thank you."

"If you can forgive me a thousand times for bigger things, I can forgive you once for this." I kissed her head, "Momma didn't raise no fool."

She kissed me once, drawing it out for over a minute before pulling back.  _ **I may not be completely happy, definitely not over it... But I don't want to lose this. I couldn't take losing her again.**_

* * *

**_Sax_ **

* * *

I pushed sonny into the closet by the door, getting him out of sight as Dorri and Shahpur got home. They walked in the door and stopped by the couch to drop their bags.

"How was school?"

"Good." Dorri smiled as Shahpur ran over for a hug.

"It was great, we had a field trip and got to have pizza."

"You had pizza without me." I fake pouted as he laughed, "oh well, I guess it's fine." 

"We can pizza for dinner." He smiled and Sonny broke.

"Sounds good, I'm starving." He stepped out of the closet and they both jumped. 

"Sonny!" Shahpur lept into a hug.

"How's Shah?"

 "Better now that you're here. You can help me practice!" 

"I seen your games, you don't need any practice."

I laughed as Dorri stole a hug before walking over with me to start cooking. Giving the boys some time outback with the dogs to play.  _ **Everything is good... It is.**_


	49. Spun up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny gets spun up while sax is still trying to sort out her issues.

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

I woke up and stretched, grabbing Sax's waist as she slowly pulled away.

"Now hold on there sweetheart." 

"Sonny..."

One sharp pull and she was back against my chest laughing. That gorgeous smirk i love as she wiggled trying to get away. She loosened up, leaning back against me as my hands didn't let go.

"Sonny, i have to make breakfast and take adam to the doctor before therapy."

"Or, i make breakfast and you just get Adam ready."

"You don't want the possible dirty diaper." She raised her brow as i let her go.

"Well, never said i was good with manure." 

She shook her head and walked out of the room. A week since our fight and everything seemed good... Except in her head. She was blaming herself far more than she should. I went and started the food, having four plates up in no time. She carried Adam out and sat him by the table, slipped into his high chair as the kids came out. 

"Eat up."

"Thanks, sonny." She kissed my cheek and took a plate.

"And you two." I handed the other plates out, "Oh, and why don't i take Adam. Spare you the mess." 

"That's sweet but..."

"I skip a workout session. Ray won't mind nor the kid." I shook my head, "I got Adam, you have a little free time."

She sighed but nodded, "Thanks... I needed that."

* * *

After everything, the kids getting to school and watching Sax actually stop and relax, i took Adam to the doctor.  _ **It can't be to hard, i mean it's just taking him in right?**_ I brushed it off, walking him into the doctor's office as he cried.

 "I don't like the doctor either there kiddo." He wouldn't calm down and suddenly i was aware of just how many people were in the room.

 _ **You couldn't stop for even a second? I wasn't aware this was part of being a dad.**_ I stood there, looking around trying to figure out what to do. Luckily a nurse called me over and signed us in. I was just realizing how much Sax really does.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I got ready for therapy and headed over. Sonny had the truck since he had Adam, so i got his bike. It gave me a moment of clarity, taking pressure off me as i felt like i could think again. It wasn't a long drive but, it was long enough to clear my head.  _ **No wonder Sonny would rather die than give up this bike... It's almost therapeutic.**_ I pulled up to the building and walked in, waiting mere seconds before heading back.

"Go to see you again, Sax." 

"You too doc." I sat down, "I've been needing this, it works better than confession." 

He chuckled and sat down, "Where would you like to start?"

"I set Sonny up to cheat on me because i have trust issues." I nodded, "We fought. He forgave me and i can't say i did the same."

"You haven't forgave yourself." He restated.

"Yes, i don't think i can. Everytime before we got back together, it was always Sonny. He drank to much, got jealous easy, cheated... But i always forgave him because i love him. Now he is being almost perfect and i couldn't bring myself to believe nothing was wrong." I rubbed my thigh, "He actually forgave me though."

"Like you always did."

"But that is different, that was me."

"What else has happened recently?"

"He has been trying to take more care of Adam, stepping up a lot. He caught up with the kids and tried to be there for everything they needed... He is way different then before the mission where he was gone a long time. Much more focused."

"What are you really worried about? He seems to be evolving into a father more... Like you said you wanted."

"That's the problem, i don't know what i want anymore." I ran my fingers through my hair, "I don't know if i want the old Sonny or the new one... Or if there is a new one since i keep testing him subconsciously now."

"You feel like you rushed into something much bigger then last time, and you're not even engaged yet."

I leaned back, feeling my leg bounce with nervous energy and the hairs on the back of my neck sit up. I closed my eyes forcing my back to stay straight and not collapse forward and give into my thoughts. 

"It looks like we have a lot to talk about... Let's get started."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

Halfway through the appointment, with a dozen questions i didn't know, the phone goes off. We had an op, i had to go.  ** _Couldn't have came sooner?_**

"How much longer us this gonna be Doc?"

"All i have to do is draw blood." He got the needle.

"Let's make this quick then." I texted Jace i would be over shortly and was about to text Sax when the doctor looked over.

"It's easier when the parents console the child after a shot." 

I walked over and lifted him up, his head against my chest and shoulder as i rubbed his back. This was the only way i knew to console him, hold him like this. He was looking at me as i seen the needle and felt worse than the poor boy, i caught his face so he wouldn't look.

"That's my little man, look at daddy."

His eyes sparked with tears and mouth flew open at the pinch. I kept him looking at me and the moment the doctor put the band-aid on, i shushed him.

"Let me just get the papers and you can go."

I bounced him a little, reaching to wipe his tears like i watch Sax do. He sniffled and buried his head in against me. 

"It's ok little man, your ok." I held him tight to me.

I fired off a quick text to Sax and collected the small mess he made in the room. Surprisingly, Adam stopped crying and fell asleep against me. Back in his carrier and the papers in hand, i ran out and rushed over to Sax.  _ **I... I actually calmed him. He actually stopped crying. When did this become a thing? How am i a dad?**_ I pulled up to the office and lifted up his carrier and baby bag, walking him in and knocking.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I looked up when i heard a knock and Sonny stepped in, "Sorry, i got spun up."

"I get it." I smiled at adam sleeping in his carrier beside my feet.

"Doctor notes in bag, i gotta go." He stole a quick kiss, "I promise I'll be back."

"In one piece?"

"Yes." He walked out, "truck is gassed up."

"I see you are getting better with the leaving." Lester looked down at his note pad.

"Yeah, i can't stop it."

"True." He looked down at adam and borough us back to topic. 

He was working me through some of it and i couldn't focus. I kept glancing to Adam and thinking of Sonny.

"Hey, doc?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't i say yes when Sonny proposed to me?" I looked up.

"That is something i should ask you." He tipped his head.

 "I don't know why... I've been asking the same question over and over. I've rationalized it and it didn't feel right." 

"So you were lying to yourself?" He watched me nod.

"I guess so... I've been doing that a lot lately."


	50. More or less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saxon and Sonny have a chat.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

After Sonny got back, everything went back to normal again but I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't sure what I wanted but it wasn't this... At least I don't think it was. Sonny walked in and sat down with the kids after eating dinner, talking about school and being a good dad.

"So no boys." He eyed Dorri.

"No boys." She repeated.

"Except that tall guy." Shahpur smirked as she glared at him.

"So there is a tall boy?" 

"No."

I chuckled softly as Sonny started the no boys spiel that starts with h scaring the guy off with a gun. Same one you heard Jace give before. I sighed, watching this family moment and feeling like an outsider. But I don't know why.

"You know what, it's a school night. Go to bed." Sonny picked up Shahpur and carried him over his shoulder as everyone laughed. 

Dorri said goodnight and went to bed. I walked Adam into his room and got him down, coming out for two beers and stepping out on the back patio. I sat down on the steps, leaning against the small flimsy handrail my grandpa had barely got put up before I had to fix it. I looked at the stars above and opened one, sipping... Waiting.

"What you thinking about babe?" Sonny walked to me as I smiled at the sky.

 _ **Why don't I feel alive?**_ I closed my eyes as he sat down beside me and I handed him a bottle.

"Everything."

"That doesn't sound good."

I slowly looked to him, "Sonny, what you said before... You know about before... Did you mean it?"

"About asking you to marry me? Yeah." He took a sip and tipped that stupid cowboy hat up, "I meant it everytime I ask. Not for any reason but love."

"Good to know."

"Why?"

"What if I said yes?" I looked at the bottle in my hands.

"We would be happy." He leaned in and put the hat on my head, "At least I hope we would be."

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes, "Happy."

"What's going on?" He sighed, "I've known you long enough to know when something ain't right."

"I don't know... I have everything I want. I have you, and I know you are happy with me alone... But I don't know why I can't just be happy."

"You can't be sad wearin my hat." He nudged me, "the Quinn family hat."

"That's a crock." I rolled my eyes but blushed as he leaned in.

"Do you know that it's bad luck to separate a Texan from his hat?"

"It's bad luck?" I snorted a little and leaned back away from him savoring the feel of the infamous hat, "Uh-huh."

"Well, the last guy it happened to, his horse got shingles." He smirked and leaned back, looking me over "Yep... And that's actually a real thing."

"I didn't know that." I chuckled as he shifted down a step to look up at me, "Okay, and what happened to the last girl?"

"Well, a woman's never worn it before." He smirked and leaned up to my lips.

"I should slap you for staring."

"I'm just enjoying this moment." 

Our lips pressed, heads tipped to the side as we pushed and drew it out. Forehead to forehead, I caught the hat and held it still as he pulled back.

"Sax, I knew from the moment I first seen you in that mess hall... I knew there wouldn't be anyone else for me."

"I'm not that same girl."

"Good thing I'm not the same guy." 

He reached up and held the ring, still on the chain around my neck. He thumbed the stone and I watched the small sparkle it gave from the moonlight.

"I meant it. Every time." 

"I know you did."

"Especially this time." He caught my eyes with his, "Sax, will you please marry me?"

I lost my breath and sniffled.  _ **Why am I so dead inside? Why now?**_ I nodded and closed my eyes.

"Sonny, I'm not quite whole yet. I know it. I barely feel alive half the time." I felt the tear build up and roll down my cheek, "I can't promise we'll be happy."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I didn't think twice, I wiped her tear and spoke firmly, "We don't have to be always, as long as I have you."

She caught her breath as it wavered and I pulled her into my lap. I couldn't let her keep up like this, destroying everything that makes her happy. I squeezed her tight and hummed against that hat as she slowly regained control.

" _Every now and then I get a little lost._  
_My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed._  
_Every now and then I'm right up on the edge._  
_Dangling my toes out over the ledge._  
_I just thank God you're here."_

I stopped as she slowly put the hat back up on my head, leaning in and singing it with me.

_"Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun,_  
_Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone,_  
_Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy._  
_No matter where my reckless soul takes me._  
_Baby, you save me."_

I smiled as she burrowed in right against me, her beer left off on its own. She taught out comfort in me, the only thing I need to know as she took the chain off and slid the ring on her finger slowly. I helped slide it on, kissing her cheek as she whispered the words.

"It's hard lovin' a man, that's got a Gypsy soul. I don't know how you do it; I'm not sure how you know. The perfect thing to say, to save me from myself. You're the angel that believes in me, like nobody else. And I thank God you do." She closed her eyes.

"I know I don't tell you nearly enough,  
That I couldn't live one day without your love."

 I made her look up, "I mean it. Every word. Stop doubting it." 

She nodded gently against my hand a d smiled as I finished the line.

"When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves, Up on a high wire that's ready to break. When I've had just about all I can take. Baby, you save me."

"Sonny... I'm sorry. This won't be easy..."

I stopped her with a kiss and stole her breath so I could finish, "I don't want easy, I want you. I've always wanted you Sax." I smiled, "I love Saxon."

"Love you too Sonny."

It wasn't perfect, but it was real. I needed Sax, love her more than anything. No matter how rocky it got, I had her. She was my steady rock to calm me from my usual nature... I loved her so for that. I always will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, who read my story... I'm sorry to say that I am ending it on this note because I don't know where to take it from here.


End file.
